Can you help me understand how to deal with depression in a relationship? Is there a way to turn this around?

I have been with my man for 3 years. Our blended family consists of his son and my daughter, both 9 and we recently decided to put my house up for sale and move in together. The problem is that for 3 years we have been dealing with his clinical depression, anxiety and trust issues. In the beginning I was very patient and understanding and even went as far as changing my habits to accommodate his problems. I chose not to go to certain work functions, I cut out friends and became more of a home-body. I am now scared to hell of moving in together and continuing this way as it is becoming very clear he has taken advantage of this and is not doing his part. He has a list of excuses as to why he is not consistently going to therapy. He yells at me and tells me I cause his anxiety when I push him to do things that I think will better our lives and we are now to the point of fighting more than anything else. He says I am angry all the time now. And I believe I am. I am angry that I have been patient and helping for 3 years but here we are and he has still made zero effort in working on himself. To this he tells me I am crazy because just being in our relationship takes a ton of effort for someone with this problems. That then makes me feel horrible for wanting to leave. I tell myself to pause the house sale, go home and see if my absence triggers some change in him. But my fear is that if I let up off the gas we won't end up at our end destination. What can I do to make things better? Friends say he needs to feel a loss and I need to pull away but I do not think they truly understand what I am dealing with.
Can you help me understand how to deal with depression in a relationship? Is there a way to turn this around?
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