Do you think I pushed him away or ruined a good thing with him because I was pessimistic?

[Anonymous]

I'm just gonna say this because i know all of you might say move on or let it go. And like it's not easy getting over someone. And like if i still do have a chance to make things right with him, i don't want to let that opportunity go. So pls just be kind and give some honest answers. so this guy and I had a really good thing going like really good. We were getting along. Texting all the time. Getting to know each other. While we texting I never really gave off negative vibes. I always sounded happy and cheerful and used a lot of emojis. But sometimes I did question his intentions. Like one time he said why are you always trying to find something wrong with me. like i was trying to find faults or something I don't know. I don't know how he got the vibe that i was. Anyway he wanted to facetime.. and over facetime i was a bit quiet.. like i couldn't really think of anything to talk about.. and he's really positive about things so i told him like i wish i had your mind set. and he asked me when i was gonna get my own place, i told him when i could afford it and told him a story about my childhood where something happened and it traumatized me I don't know. but after that we facetime he pretty much ghosted me and told me it was because i was pessimistic and not happy.. and i thought maybe because he just wasn't interested, found someone better, got into a relationship but nope. he only ghosted me because i wasn't happy and a pessimist. like why not just tell me that.. or call me out on it. why did it have to ghost me for.. i thought i would feel better once i knew but i just felt worse. anyway do you think i pushed him away or ruined a good thing with him for being pessimistic

[MannMitAntworten]

His ghosting just seems the nature of things these days. I wouldn’t read in to that action beyond it just being a typical thing to do these days it seems. As for why he didn’t provide a reason... hard to say. I mean, whereas I have zero problem bring that up, not everyone feels fine doing so or perhaps they already just made their decision to move on and for them it is just easier to move on silently. Like you two never happened. I am speculating here, but I will say, I get feeling put off by someone who feels to be constantly seeking a flaw in you or being pessimistic. It makes me feel that even the smallest flaw will be their cause to end things or ghost themselves. Further more it is plain exhausting dealing with this. I was briefly involved with someone who was always negative about everything. Negative and distant. I brought her to a beautiful place for two days to get away. Everything was wonderful... yet her, all she could talk about was how much life was shit and how her kids are shitty... which mind you, is far from true. I knew her kids. They were damn great kids. Anyway, during breakfast and hearing her call everything shit in the world I lost my appetite, and then I ended things. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was done.

I get his leaving you. I just do not get the ghosting thing. Searching for fault and pessimism isn’t fun to be around. ... and dating should be fun. Hell, it should be exciting! Not a sea of despair.

Anyway, I hope this helps.

[Asker]

it helps a little. But tbh, I'm not negative about everything though. And I can be optimist. My point is, we never hung out in person we only facetimed so i don't think it was fair of him to just silently end things without telling me why. He could've easily told me i was pessimistic. He didn't have to ghost me.. But anyway. Do you think me being pessimistic drove him away? ruined a good thing with him. I don't know why put up with it for a month.

[MannMitAntworten]

Well, I frankly can’t say from a strictly online perspective. But from what you have shared, yes, more than likely it was how you were that pushed him away.

My general problem with net dating is how different some tends to be in person versus in text, a phone call, or even in video. Hell, that woman I mentioned was all forms of happy when talking on the phone. In personal, dismal.

I only met one woman who was every bit the same in text, phone, video, and in person. She said the same of me. Probably why we became an instant relationship. At any rate, from what you have shared, yes, it is why he vanished.

[Asker]

well i really wish he could've just told me. Because we spent a month texting everyday. And made plans to hang out. And i wish we could still because he only saw how i was over facetime, not in public. And he's not seeing anyone or talking to anyone. So it makes me wonder if it's because he's kind of bummed out that im pessimistic, or still kind of interested in me but don't know what to do? because i would think he's talking to a lot of woman and found someone more interesting but he isn't...

[MannMitAntworten]

You could always try reaching out. See if he responds.

[Joker_]

Yeah