Guys, If you want to have kids but your wife doesn’t , would you get divorced?

[Anonymous]

[I_Am_Sazerac]

I wouldn't mind being a father, but I'm not going out of my way to be one as I dont believe I'll ever be ready.

Now to answer your question:
I guess it depends; if you didn't talk to her about it before marriage, then you really dont have any wiggle rook at all if she refuses to have children. So I dont think it would be fair to divorce her for that.

If you talked about it beforehand and made yourself clear that you do want them at some point, and she changes her mind, then that is some cause for concern. I'd try to find compromise. If she still refuses compromise, then I'd say that you have the right to divorce and find someone who does want children. It would still suck to do that as I dont like the idea of divorce, but the relationship would no longer have a fully shared vision and that can cause problems.

[DocT1977]

No, I wouldn't get divorced. The way the world is going right now, I really don't feel good about bringing kids into it. We've made one hell of a mess for them to have to clean up.

[Asker]

You are 100% right

[OlderAndWiser]

That question should have been addressed before you got engaged!

[Asker]

What if the woman changed her mind over time?

[jessicasissy]

If a woman goes into a marriage knowing her husband to be wants kids and she does want them at the beginning but then changes her mind she also needs to take into account the feelings of her husband because she's known all along he wants kids so it would be time to compromise and see if he'd be up for adoption.

[OlderAndWiser]

The first question is why she doesn't want to have children.

[SjE78]

the problem with people who marry before living together and getting to know their partners' is literally issues like this...

if you jump in to a marriage without knowing who you are marrying it ends in a costly ordeal, as this is one of many things people should be aware of prior to even deciding to get hitched in the first place...
and if you marry knowing that your partner doesn't want to have kids but you do (and vice versa) then all this is doing is clogging up the courts with cases which are easily avoidable and not worth their time nor money...
not to mention these types of divorce cases are stupid...

and when 2 people get together, first knowing who each other are is a priority, understanding their wants and desires is another priority, and their views on what they would like from a relationship...

if you both want kids, great get to know each other more... live together, learn whether their quirks or bad habits will be ok or not or something that can work around and learn to accept...
when the time is right if still wish to.. get married (after all it's not a necessity these days)

but... knowing whether someone wants kids should be already a known thing before people tie the knot... and if couples knew already before doing so that their partner did or didn't want kids and they do but went ahead with marrying then.. then it shows that either they were just desperate to get married to fit in, felt that they could force or convince them to change their minds or they weren't listening and maybe married for the wrong reasons or different reasons altogether...

so if they know and still marry to later find it an issue, they had already accepted this as being ok so divorcing them cos of something they were either ignorant to or accepted prior is such a waste of time, and no court will view this in a possitive light

so to answer your question... "no" no i would not divorce someone if they didn't want kids, if i knew beforehand and chose to get hitched to them knowing this was the case prior to the marriage then i would never have gotten married to them if this was an issue

[Barbaric]

I would. Not only because she didn't want kids but also because it says a lot about the way she views him, whether or not she realises it.

I can't remember the name of the woman, but there was a woman who married a football player. Obviously a successful guy. She said something along the lines of "I didn't want children, but when I met him I suddenly wanted HIS babies".

I also saw another horrible video where a guy was married to a woman who had two kids with her ex. They were outside an abortion clinic while he was pleading with her not to go in, talking about all the things he'd done for her, because she was about to abort his child. She had kids with her ex, but refused to give birth to her husband's children.

A woman wanting children with a man is based on her confidence in him and her respect for him. A woman not wanting children with a man is based on a lack of that.

If she changed her mind as you keep asking guys here, then whether she realises it or whether it's a sub-conscious thing, that's the reason. In that case the marriage is doomed to fail anyway.

[abc3643]

An ex-friend of mine did.

I have a friend of mine who is a woman. About 23 years ago, I met her because she lived across the street from the laundromat where I went. Her boyfriend at the time was the attendant there. We hit it off and they became my close friends at that time. Sadly, they broke up and the woman kept me as the friend in the divorce, so to speak.

Later, I got married to my wife and this friend of mine got married 3 weeks later and we were part of wedding party.

We all sort of drifted apart mostly because of my job kept me from home but I learned a few years later that my friend could not have children. Having children was a big deal to her husband... and they had to be HIS children. This was an irreconcilable difference and so they got divorced.

I was Facebook friends with both of them although they were not Facebook friends with each other.

A relatively short time later - like a year, maybe 2 - I noticed at his FB page the ex-husband showing pictures of his new baby with his girlfriend. I just found that disgusting and unfriended him. Why? Because he was full of shit about his marital vows of "in sickness and in health".

Marriage is supposed to outrank kids.
If you discover you can't have kids with your spouse, you don't throw away your spouse.
It's "in sickness and in health".

===============

That said, my friend and her ex-husband were in AGREEMENT having kids. They just couldn't and that led to their split.

In your hypothetical situation, that couple should have determined the desire for kids BEFORE getting married. Since they didn't, they are fantastically immature. So immature in fact that they should get divorced anyway because they are too immature to be married, period. After they grow up in 20 years, then they can get married to whoever.

[Finchie40]

Something that should of been addressed before saying I do , If she changed her mind afterwards then she is already breaking the bond of marriage so he has a right to decide on whether he wants to stay in that marriage or find someone else that wants kids. So if I really wanted kids I would probably divorce her and find someone that does

[BCA6010]

Well first of all, this subject would've been brought up before we ever got married.

As far as whether or not that would terminate our relationship... It depends. A woman I was absolutely smitten over wasn't able to have kids and I was willing to accommodate that. If it was entirely for selfish reasons... We'd probably have a problem.

[hellionthesagereborn]

I wouldn't have married her to begin with. That's a deal breaker (though I would encourage her to get off birth control because more then likely that is affecting her desires (it tricks the brain into believing she is already pregnant thus reducing her desire to have children).

[batchelorasylum]

If I was told my partner didn't want kids or couldn't have kids but I knew I was happy with her ans wanted to be with her than so be it as if I have kids in the future or not doesn't matter to me it's finding the one that makes me happy that matter to me.

[I-am-a-nobody]

I'd find out early if she wants kids and if she says no...
I wouldn't have married her in the first place.

But let's say we're married and she changes her mind.
Then I wouldn't divorce her , but I wouldn't be real happy about it either.

[Adam1978]

I wouldn't have married her in the first place. So not really a issue. but yes if goals in life doesn't match you have to split up.

[Asker]

But their minds may change over time