Should my boyfriend be obligated to pump my gas when we are out driving in my car??

[Anonymous]

Since women are claiming so much independence these days, is it too much to ask my boyfriend to pump my gas at the gas station. Most of the time we drive around in my car and I pay for the gas most of the time. He feels that as an independent woman I should do it myself.

[pwl0lwp]

fwiw - in general, the driver pumps the gas - since the driver's in control of the vehicle.

bear in mind there's a difference between doing something, and having someone *expect* you to do it.

if I was driving a girlfriend around in *my* car, I wouldn't expect her to pump the gas, just because I was paying for it. in a gender-blind society, surely that is exactly what you are asking here?

should he expect you to do his ironing for him, or fix all his meals, or do all the cleaning? you may even do these things, but should he *expect* you to do it for him? these are surely the equivalent of the "male" task you're suggesting he do at the gas station.

tasks inevitably get divided, and there's still a gender-bias towards various activities (not least because guys & girls have different interests & concerns); but sometimes expectations placed on us by others can raise the hackles a bit - I'd rather do something for someone because I want to do it, than have someone expect me to do something for them because of who I am.

[maumau1000000]

I thought about it a little and I realized that if it was a guy's car and his money, nobody would expect him to say, my girlfriend should pump the gas. I wouldn't say that if it was my car and my money. But I'm not the type of person who uses social convention to tell individuals what to do with their lives. I think you should think about what you would do if it was his car and money. Would you offer to pump the gas? If you would, then that means you have a sense of collaboration with your boyfriend and he should reciprocate that. But if you would expect him to do pump the gas for his car and his money, then you're not in any position to request anything different from him with your car and money.

[xXheartbrokenOo]

No I do not think he is always obligated to pump. He should not be expected to do it but if you ask him he will most likely pump the gas. But you can't really get mad if he does not want to do it all the time. I can see if he never offers to help or refuses to then that is just not fair. If he is driving around in your car and you pay for gas, yes it is a really nice gesture for him to go out there and pump it for you and most guys will. If it really bothers you than talk to him and tell him how you feel and try to come to an agreement like if I drive and you pay I will pump gas or vice versa.

[Shaiheart]

I feel like he should be obligated. Living in Chicago I'm viewing this as a safety issue. The gas stations in Chicago are full of guys just hanging out so yes if my boyfriend cares for me I feel like he should be obligated not to put me in harms way. Why would a real man even put his girlfriend in a position to get hit on? Growing up my dad has always pumped my moms gas so it's just something I expect in a relationship.

[evette]

My boyfriend, at the time, felt the same way he did not say it. So I had another male friend ride with us and he paid for my gas and pump it in my truck. So by him do this it embarrassed my boy friend and then he began to pay for the gas and pump it he even start opening the door for me.

Yes women are independent know a days, but that is no excuse for men not to be respectful and polite towards a lady.

[JohnsonA]

So do you respect him by washing and folding his clothes, cooking his meals and cleaning the house without expecting him to help as long as he is working. I'm pretty sure you don't, well this is what a lot of women done of old times to respect their men but girls these days don't look at that as respect for their men today.

[Beemerlove]

@JohnsonA
I respect my man in those ways as much as I can while also working. And today I just got into a fight about pumping gas.
I've asked him several times to do it while at the gas station and he does it when I ask but I feel like a nag always asking and don't unsderstamd why he doesn't just do it.
And to be clear I also want him to take the garbage out.
Oh and I cook, do 90% of the cleaning and nag the 10% that I want him to help which is generally the trash I already expect him to do.
I take his clothes to the dry cleaner and pick them up, and no, my clothes are not included in that.
I wash and fold his laundry and hope he can help me put them away but 80% I do it. He will never put my clothes away and that almost goes as far as towel sheets blankets etc that we both use.
Don't get me wrong he loves me and does many things for me as I do for him and I tell him weekly that I appreciate all that he does.
He basically only tells me I'm the best when I ask.

[Beemerlove]

So cut back to the pumping: I don't appreciate things as much when I have to nag someone to do it, kinda takes away from the kindness of your heart thing. He feels used if I expect for him to do it rather than ask him every time.
How do you feel about my scenario?

[i-rock-hard]

shoot no girl!

if I was with my boyfriend and I was drivin my car wastin my gas and I went to a gas station and paid you best bet he is gonna pump lol

[maumau1000000]

Why not alternate? You pump and pay once and he pumps and pays the next time. If he's fair, he shouldn't have a problem with this.

[evette]

No, I think it would be kind for him to offer! But if your able to do.. do it!

[Simple-Simonette]

He sounds like an ass to me. I think you should claim your independence from him and dump him.

[love4love]

i don't find any thing wrong if he pumb gas or if he pumb your ass. If you are pumbing gas yu can ask him to pumb yur ass. Conversaly he can alos do the same.

[obscene]

I can't answer this

because I'm from New Jersey!