My girlfriend wants to experiment with other girls and opts for open relationship?

[Anonymous]

Honestly it doesn't matter if its girls only, since the experience is different and she said it's pure physically
But yeah when we discussed it yesterday with her mom, weighed in all the dangers she left me confused...

"What happens if emotions develop and you have to choose?"
-she couldn't answer...
"My boundery is women only'
-but why woman only? What's the difference between with a man?

Is what she answered, insinuate men would be in her available options too...

Worst about this part is, she has a couple guys she finds sexy and hangs out with... And she told me she discussed it with them too and asked them for "advice", since one of those sexy guys is also in an open relationship.. of course they all said "it works perfectly but you have to discuss it with him"...

It makes me angry really, im completely shell shocked
She kept re assuring me she loved and loves me the most etc.. but when guys get involved, i wouldn't be able to take it anymore

Cause in my opinion what she is basically saying is;
She would need a pass to cheat.. my blessing basically

While she loves me the most etc..

What should i do?
I mean obviously if she would want that, leave
But even during our conversation yesterday, when i mentioned leaving her we both were on the verge of crying so i don't think she is quite ready to decide herself

[OlderAndWiser]

For some people, their early years of sexual experience solely focus on the physical pleasure. Most people eventually evolve and begin to realize that sex is more than just a way to feel good and that it is a very special way of expressing love in a relationship.

You have evolved and she has not yet done so. . . and it may never happen with her. If you force her to choose between you and sex with other people, she may choose you, but will eventually resent you for "trapping" her.

If you try to force her to change to be suitable for you, the relationship will eventually fail. . . very likely as a result of her cheating on you. Your only logical choices are to accept her as she is, and give her your permission to have sex with other people, or to tell her that she is obviously not ready for the kind of relationship that you want. If you break up, this will be another example that love, by itself, is not enough to make a relationship work.

There is one possibility that you might consider. Tell her that you don't understand that she could have sex with someone else and not develop feelings and that you need to try that for herself. Tell her that you are going to have sex with another woman to see if it can work and, if you can do that without developing feelings, then you may be receptive to her doing the same thing. But, if you develop feelings for the other girl, them you will set your girlfriend free and you will already be started on developing your next relationship. You need not actually intend to follow through on that plan, but the idea of you having sex with another woman while she sits at home wondering and waiting may cause her to rethink what she is suggesting.

[Asker]

yes i told her that too, we discussed it with her mom
She already gets jealous/mad when i look or talk about other females, she's the very jealous type
So i dont know how she wants this to work, i myself know now, i can't do it..
I have severe trust issues/intimacy issues, it took a long time for me to open up in this relationship and give my all (im still growing).. so for me, to go play in this terrain, its near impossible.
My full heart is with her
She loves me to death too, i know she does
Her friends tell me, her brother tells me, mother etc.. Her eyes never lie

I think its age like u said, she's a teen surrounded by other people her age group that are "rebelious, working, living free, loving free" etc..
Im all these too, except im a mid 20'er, i know how this will end and i know she just wants to do it cause the concept was sold to her as if it were heaven

I dont know, her plan doesn't sound well tought out, seems more like she bundled good fragments of the stories told by her friends and ran with it..

The fact that she had this on her mind for a few weeks but never discussed it with me

[OlderAndWiser]

This will not end well for you. A broken heart seems inevitable.

[Asker]

it depends, right now she says she will put it too the side and see how i will react in the future
Cause as soon as i said mentioned that "other boys were a no, and if thats what u want, than u leave us no choice but..." she already got emotional as hell

So the way i see it is that she doesn't know yet herself.
She came out as "bi" even tho im not so sure of that, but even today (3 days after the conversation took place), she ran back to me from her home across the street before i drifted off, just to be with me and fix a good goodbye haha
she still clearly cares about the relationship, which is something ill never doubt
She herself even said the relationship we have is perfect, for gods sake she even said she is having the best sex of her life...

She is 19, "lives" in a big city with a lot of subcultures, i know she is influenceable by a certain type of people, ill just have to wait and see

[OlderAndWiser]

Is there any possibility to remove the harmful influences on her?

[Asker]

Nope, I cannot
I live 40min away from her too, i blame myself for giving her freedom like that maybe... Not being more strict etc
Maybe i should do it now, but its too late an might make things worse

At the end she choose who and what, I just know they sit there and discuss nonsense non sober and of course people eat it up

Why do I say wrong people?
In the 8 months we have been together, all the stories she told me and some of the things I've been through with her. She has a knack for putting her faith in to the wrong people's hands. And she usually ends up on the "losing" side
Why? Cause she is more the type that has to experience and then "suffer" before she believes

She just bundles all the good parts together and lets go
Hence why she couldn't answer about choosing sides or what happens when emotions grow

I have laughed at specific individuals in those groups, cause they spat pseudo bullshit

Its all on her, she's young and has to learn

[kencu67]

Don't be her "plan B" to fall back on when she's bored of those girls...

[Asker]

She kept saying im the number 1, what she feels for me she never ever felt before etc

If its girls only, yeah i could see how it would ne interesting from a sensual pov but when feelings and stuff start to develop...

Like last night we had sex, great sex. Right after she just kept complimenting everything, how it wasn't even needed the open relationship etc

So i have to wait and see

[DeAngelized]

Just plainly state that you'd only be comfortable if she does it with women only. If she insists and it makes you feel uncomfortable, I honestly feel you should move on. Compromising for her on something you strongly disagree with in the beginning will only turn ugly at the end.

This is just my two cents but perhaps with more and more open relationships around (it's almost becoming a trend in my opinion), perhaps she feels like she needs to try it and be part of it.

[Asker]

i said so, for now id be fine with women but not now in the relationship
then she insists, if i give females a green light, i should let her have sex with other guys too

and you know what the thing is?
It almost feels as if she asking MY consent to cheat.
Its just so coincidental you know...
She keeps hanging out with the same few dudes that she finds sexy.. OR at least they meet in random places or just meet up cause theyre friends.
She discussed this subject too WITH THEM before ever mentioning something to me and one of them is also in such relationship lol

Like these men have become a running joke, between us cause i know she finds them sexy and we happened to see them around often.

It feels more so like
"Hey i am still in love with you very much, but i just want to have sex with this guy cause he is sexy and id love to share the bed with him, but can't so i ask your consent"...

We have been in a relationship for 9 months now.. U know i have trust/intimacy issues, it took us so much in the start, for now to be here and everything being like heaven, she drops this bomb..

"You are not ready to experiment yet, u are not comfortable with that yet" etc...
Its just all excuses

[Asker]

its like u said, its something "new" and trendy (a lot of her friends do it and succeed) and a couple people have started whispering new things and perspectives into her ear and now she has this idealized model of it in front of her eyes without weighing in the different elements

I mean when her mother said "What if you have to choose? what if your feelings do grow for the "friends with benefits"? who will u choose?"
She was stiff and couldnt answer
The moment she saw my face and emotions in my eyes, she got in her feels too and said she could never leave me and that she was sorry for bringing it up and hurting me lol
I mean for gods sake if i look at another girl now or even talk about another girl she gets jealous/mad.. She said she could handle it in an open relationship lol
Even her mom said she shouldn't do it, it will only cause problems

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she is a lesbian; but doesn't want to admit it to herself.

[Asker]

I dont know if she's lesbian, she kissed a girl once and really didn't like it at all
Plus the sex has always been very passion, she was even the dominant force

She was talking about foreplay specifically

But yeah, ill just let it go for awhile and see when she brings it up again