Girlfriend won't get a job because of anxiety?

[Anonymous]

So, I have been living with my girlfriend for just about our whole relationship. We met in college and we started living together in the dorms and then moved into an apartment together. She told me once we got our own place she would get a job and help me out with the bills. For a year we lived in our first apartment and she maybe paid rent a handful of times. 3 or four times at most. When we moved into a new place because the old place was too small, she promised me she would help me pay, since I don't make enough to support us both. All she seems to do is sit around the house, smoke weed, and whine about the people next door. She claims she can't get a job because her anxiety is getting in the way, but she isn't doing anything to try and get better. I'm living paycheck to paycheck and since COVID started its made it even harder. When I try to talk to her about it all she does it yell and me and make it seem like its my fault we don't have any money.

I love this girl. We are coming up on our three year anniversary. I will support her through anything, but I just want to make sure I'm not being blind to any red flags. Advice?

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about someone like that. I know because I was with a boyfriend who had an excuse for everything, never did anything to try and improve his situation (which also included anxiety), and blamed everyone else for his problems. He also expected to be taken care of and had no ambition to provide for himself, kind of thought money grew on trees.

You might need to just set an ultimatum if she refuses to listen. It sounds like she doesn't really want to get better or get a job, and would prefer you to just take care of her. I'm guessing you're having to supply her money for weed if she's not working, so you could tell her you won't be doing that anymore, or you may have to make some tougher decisions. Personally, after being with my ex I mentioned, I want nothing to do with that type of behavior ever again and have realized that with those people, it is mostly their personality and they do not change or want to get better. Their lives are all about blaming everyone and everything else for their problems, complaining, and making no effort to better their lives.

[Justacatlady]

Your ignoring huge red flags. She’s manipulating you. She says she’ll help so you don’t question her, but then comes up with lame excuses as to why she can’t. You need to set boundaries. Let her know that if she can’t get a job because I’d her anxiety, she has to go to therapy. If she can’t go to therapy, she needs to find another way to help herself. Then create a consequence. If she can’t do these things, you’ll have to move into a smaller more affordable apartment. Or she’ll have to move out so you can get a roommate who can help pay the bills.
To be honest, she seems like she’s just along for the ride. A healthy relationship wouldn’t be so one sided.

[SphynxUK]

She needs to help. Even with anxiety she can work. I have it along with social anxiety, depression and ASD and I still manage.
Who’s paying for her weed? You can stop supporting that too! If she wants it, she can work, even if it’s part time. The more she goes out to work, the easier it will become. Trust me, I know.
Talk to her. Explain it can’t go on. Help her look for something which will cause the least anxiety.

[SweetDisaster]

It seems she's using her anxiety as an excuse. She seems she really doesn't wanna work and just wants you to take care of her specially if she is doing drugs. If you can't do that, you better think of what's your next plan.
Good luck!