Would you lend your boyfriend/girlfriend money?

Question

Hi,

My boyfriend of 3 years recently put a down payment ($1000) on a used car which they will release to him once he's paid it in full (the agreement between them is he'll pay it in full no later that the end of this month). He didn't consult with me or let me know he was doing this at all. He approached me last Sunday and told me about the car and said he'd like it if I could 'loan' him $5,000 to pay it off because he doesn't have any where near this amount and he doesn't want to take a loan from a bank and pay interest. I'm hurt, angry and totally frustrated that he would 'assume' I'd just hand it over and it sounds like this was his plan when he made the decision to buy the vehicle. He has a car already so this is not a necessity for him. He simply wanted a 4-wheel drive.
He promises he will pay me back in full by the summer. This amount happens to be exactly what I have in my savings account which I suspect he saw when I was depositing a check a couple weeks ago. Loaning him this money would leave me with zero and it's money I've been saving to do needed repairs on my house (I own the house we both live in) He's always paid half the mortgage and utilities but I pay for all the maintenance or needed repairs since its mine.
Also I bought him a used car a couple of years ago that was only around $3,500 because he was in desperate need of a car for work after his completely broke down. He never paid me back as promised. When I brought this up he promised he'd pay me back for that one as well. I can't help but feel stupid and like I'm being used here because he seemed slightly angry and agitated when I said no... He's insisting we discuss it again this weekend in which my answer will still be no. He even argued that as a couple I should 'have his back' and support him just as he would me. I would never ask him to drain his entire savings for something I didn't absolutely need though...

White_King2000 · Accepted Answer

$3000 is a bit much. Depends on the seriousness of the relationship.
I lent an ex and she was an ex then $2000 to help her pay for a car as she was desperate as she needed it for work and her ex had cleared out her bank account and crashed her car but u did so based on her character. I knew she would pay it back. It took her a year and I didn't even ask for it once, not the case with your boyfriend.
I would also point out that your boyfriend is an idiot. You don't put down a deposit on a purchase if you aren't going to have it. I mean what happens if the company goes bust. If I put a $1000 down on something I'd expect to have that thing.
Tell him to take out a loan.

Walt832 · Accepted Answer

I read half way. As soon he said he will pay full amount in summer. Bull sh*t. He break the trust to start with. Without consulting you of why is the reason he needs a car.

Secondly, it was intentional some how he either saw your banking account or even glance at your phone while you were checking your account.

That means he is not financially secure. Why have a man that isn't? I will leave him. Be glad, it was small amount compare buying something super huge making you pay for him. Na hun get off let him screw his credit. He must learn to be responsible and communicative with his partner. He did it once and he will do it again.

yucychan · Accepted Answer

If you are not comfortable loaning him this cash, then don't.
He hasn't paid you back for the previous $3500. And he has no intentions to.
The fact that he even got angry when you told him no, you will not loan him any more cash, just shows the fact that your money is more important to him, not you.
He will never pay you back.
And the reasoning that you should have his back is nonsense.
Tell him you are in urgent need of cash right now, and actually you are intending to borrow $8000 from him. You hope he can loan you this cash right now, and that you promise you will pay him back by summer.
See whether if he will have your back.

mindNsoul · Accepted Answer

You need to put things in writing in case this goes sore. Heard too many stories like this and if he hs a habit of not repaying you back than nothing will change. I personally if I wasn't involved in the decision than I won't lend him the money. Emotionally blackmailing me won't work. Period.

Sammi91 · Answer

At first I was thinking, it’s been a three years and if you live together and he needs to borrow money then it isn’t a big deal but the fact that he didn’t discuss making such a a big purchase with you and assumed you’d loan him the money which is exactly what you have in your bank account AND you might him a car before he never paid you back for says to me that he’s taking advantage of you. I’d tell him no again. Tell him there’s nothing to discuss and that if he needs the money he can get a loan. If he’s out the $1000 because he can’t pay it off then that’s on him. He should have discussed it with you first. He sounds very irresponsible and like he’s using you. I would absolutely not give him the money. He needs to grow up and learn to do things for himself. You’re not responsible for taking care of a friend ass man

abc3643 · Answer

No. Do not loan him.
He is stupid with money. (*)
If he wanted this car, he should have secured a bank loan first THEN put the $1000 down.

(*) Dump him. Believe me, the LAST thing you need in a spouse (besides being a wifebeater that is) is to have a spouse who is bad with money. All that will do is lead to years of fighting and stress and, more likely than not, a break-up. So, consider this as him doing you a favor by indirectly telling you that he is bad with money and makes rash decisions. All that does is spell trouble.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Oh wow this is a huge red flag with him. He is putting you in a bind and you had nothing to do with it. I say do NOT lend him the money. This is a situation that he got himself into. Even if he truly intends to pay you back, he has no business trying to get you to give up your emergency fund for his indiscretion. Hang on to your money.

Levin · Answer

It's clear you're not going to get your money back. So I agree, it would be stupid to loan him that money. He's definitely taking you for granted. And you're allowing yourself to be taken for granted...

But surely that stuff would erode your relationship? Doesn't sound very healthy to me.

I would do it if I was in a long term relationship, trusted her absolutely, and £3000 wasn't a lot to me.

honestGUY45 · Answer

Your boyfriend is a dumb-ass and at his age he should have his shit together by now. Looks like he has a month to sell his car for whatever he can get, and take out a loan for the rest, or lose the $1000 deposit. He couldn't pay for repairs when his car broke down, he hasn't paid for the car he's currently in, and he wants to "pay" $6000 for a used 4x4 that will be broke down soon. Has he even considered the higher cost of gas, insurance and maintenance? Instead of paying the note, he'll probably blow his money on "needed" customizations and ask you to make the payment "just this month, I swear I'll pay you back". What does Einstein do for a living, other than use you?

PrinceNeo · Answer

A wise man told me two things one never give what you're not willing to lose and two the bad decisions of others are not your responsibility to fix. If your boyfriend bought a car or was trying to buy a car that was $1,000 or $5,000 however much it was he should have made sure that he had the money ahead of time ready for that payment it's not your responsibility to help him get his car unless you guys are one sharing it and it's both of your name on the car lease or whatever paperwork is involved. But if it's just for him he should have been responsible enough to have enough money saved up so he could pay for it himself.

Hurlyburly · Answer

Me and my boyfriend live together so our finances are shared anyway.
If this wasn't the case I would still do that, at least if we're talking about a long term relationship.
I've also lend money to long time frinds in the past and always got it back after some time.
Buut, your story sounds kind of fishy to me to be honest. Getting asked out of nowhere to borrow your complete savings is a bit too much in my opinion.

Agape93 · Answer

Yes I would.
But in this circumstance, not a chance in hell. He shouldn’t have made that agreement knowing he couldn’t pay it off, and definitely shouldn’t have just assumed I’d pay it for him. If I’m fronting that money, that cars title will be signed by me and I will own it. I’ll give it to him once he pays me back in full.

WesBrewer · Answer

I wouldn't, lending money to someone you know damages relationships, either give it to him or tell him he's on his own. I've seen it before, I have a 50 yr old friend, and when he was in his 40s he lent a friend 500 bucks, and his friend never paid him back which severed their relationship, another time he lent a friend 1000 bucks and the friend had to pay it back, making his friend less of an equal but someone below him, also severing their relationship.

VanillaSalt · Answer

The important thing is does he pay his shit back... if he pays you back ide loan it to him and let him know you’ll never loan him money again... easy resolution. Then teach him money management...

But yea ide be poised to drain my savings for any reason much less an unnecessary and foolish purchase.

Stephrose88 · Answer

Your hard earned money that you worked for to build a savings and just... Gone? Like that?
If he didn't pay you last time, he won't pay you this time. Where is he gonna get that much money if he doesn't even have half that now?
I would not give it.
Good luck!

iFarted · Answer

NOPE, not doing it. Especially not at your age. if a grown ass man or woman at our age can't afford that amount for a vehicle then they shouldn't have got it in the first place. I'd even be disappointed that they made the purchase and had no real plan of paying it off in the first place..
If I were you, I'd have serious talk about his finances. He's too old to be fucking off like that.

Skankhunt · Answer

I never lend money to others, only family, I have bad experiences loaning money to friends. I wouldn't loan him your money, especially because you don't have much money, and it's all the money you have. If you had 100k, you could loan/give it to him.

EssenceOfLight · Answer

"... I'm being used here because he seemed slightly angry and agitated when I said no.."

It's emotional extortion and it works as far as you will allow that.
Don't be stupid and don't make same mistake twice.

EmmaMary · Answer

Never in a month of Sundays would I ever agree to loaning this kind of money.

Anonymous · Answer

don't give it to him. he's just using you for your money and will never pay you back. you need to break up with that deadbeat bum. that guy's a fucking loser. he purposely bought the car thinking you'd pay for it which you shouldn't do. dump his deadbeat loser ass. he should never had bought that car if he couldn't afford it or pay it off in full

Not_Average · Answer

I don’t lend money out because it can really put a damper on the relationship and cause drama. If someone needs money and asks for a loan, I’ll typically gift them some money and tell them not to worry about it.

KingdomForAKiss · Answer

I would but in this case, somethings wrong with his assumption that you'd do it without question.

slatyb · Answer

Wow. Keep the money and lose the boyfriend. He has no love for you or he wouldn't have made this incredibly selfish request.

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

Sure! Only because I'm so fucking poor I could maybe lend them $20? So if they screw me over I'm not out that much

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