Should I be upset my boyfriend isn't coming to my birthday dinner/ night out?

[Anonymous]

So my actual birthday is Monday (the 18th) but I decided to do something in Friday (15th) because my boyfriend is going back to college on Monday plus my friends will be either gone or working. I ended up changing it to Saturday (16th) because 2 of my friends have to work Friday and wouldn't be able to make it. My boyfriend texted me asking if he could take me to dinner the 15th because he doesn't want to go to dinner with the two friends because one is annoying and one is ghetto. To be fair they are, but they're not intolerable. He said he'd go if I wanted him to and if not he was probably going to hang out with his guy friends while I went out and I said no it's fine and I'm not going to force him be around people he doesn't want to be around. A mutual friend going to the event said he should just suck it up and go bc it's my bday/anniversary & it's only a few hours and that it sounds like an excuse to hang with his friends.
I don't know how to feel because Monday is also our 1 year anniversary. Should I be mad that he doesn't want to enjoy my bday with my and my friends? Or give him credit for at least wanting to spend time with me separately? Or could he just be making excuses?

[Anonymous]

The only reason you are asking this is because your friend planted this doubt in you? You said it yourself, he was fair in judging your friends. So why force him to hang out with them?

If he is leaving for college in few days, he definitely has a lot on his plate. So it is natural that he would wanna use time efficiently. Shouldn't he get to hangout with his friends?

I dont know if I am just partial here. I condone celebrating birthdays in the first place. But I definitely would be against it, if someone gets so riled up, that they wanna fight.

In general: I always advocate keeping your friends and boyfriend separate. I dont know about you, but some friends find it annoying when someone brings their SO on hangouts. And I would specially think twice, before starting fight for futile topics, just because someone said I should.

[Asker]

Well most of our friends are mutual from high school, these two are just ones I knew before high school. And you do or don't condone birthdays? I could understand if he doesn't want to do that but I'd wish he'd had said let's do something alone before now so I could've planned for it

[Asker]

And no I already had doubt before talking to anyone else but the certainly didn't help. Like I said they're mutual friends so they didn't understand why he isn't coming with us. In regards to his friends, I think they suck. They always want to do stuff last minute and he ends up ditching me and cancelling our plans so he can go out with them and I feel like I've been paid back about it. I usually don't go with them when they hang out bc I do like for him to be alone with his own friends but He'll text me the entire time complaining about his "best friend" being annoying but will ultimately say he had a good time. But like I said, he's only saying he's not going bc he doesn't like my two friends that are coming, and If he'd have told me sooner I would've just stuck with our usually group of mutual friends or planned for us to go out alone but he didn't seem to care about either.

[Opinion Owner]

He did ask for that on 15 right?

[Asker]

For a birthday dinner yea but I planned for us to do something for our anniversary on Saturday after the dinner with my friends and he hasn't mentioned that.

[Opinion Owner]

I dont think I am the right person to advise here. Like I said, I hate making these days special. Birthdays anniversaries etc. BUT I get it that it is important for girls. So I tolerate them. But, if you are so rigid that you can't combine two celebrations in one (even knowing he has to leave on Monday), I dont know what to tell you.

Regarding his friends, normally, at least for me, the spontaneous plans are the best. I also do that quite often.

[Asker]

It's not even about that them special days but if you knew you didn't like the people going why not tell me so I wouldn't invite them? & For me spontaneous plans are ok as long as I'm not ditching other people. Like he left me at his house alone with his family bc he went to spend New year's with his friends last minute. & Literally him leaving isn't a big deal bc he just drives back home when he feels like it.

[Opinion Owner]

I am sorry I can't help you. I would have done the same as him.

[Madladd]

Don't think about dates so much, guys don't think birthdays/anniversaries are important to be honest, we love a person not time/date. And yeah don't get disheartened, he would have gone with you if you were alone.

[Asker]

Honestly, he's not that deep. & Why not say that earlier? Or let me know he didn't really want those two around so I wouldn't have invited them out?

[Madladd]

Because girls are sensitive and no body likes drama in the middle of pandemic.

[Asker]

Literally if he'd have just asked me I would've planned for us to do something alone but he didn't seem to care what happened so I included friends

[Madladd]

All i can say, what matters is that he loves you. Relationships have their ups and downs. What matters is who stays till the end.

[FeralChihuahua]

Well kinda sucks he wouldn’t go for you. Would you do the same for him?

[Asker]

Definitely

[FeralChihuahua]

Yea that’s just not fair on your part

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think he should try to be with you on your Birthday no matter what it takes surely there is time he could make for you two? Happy Birthday 🎂

[BeachLuvR97]

You're overthinking this. Don't force him to be around your friends whom he doesn't like. Enjoy date night just with him!

[Asker]

But he knew they'd be invited and didn't say anything until tonight?

[BeachLuvR97]

Thinking like a guy, it sounds like his back is against the wall, and he's trying to avoid bringing up the subject because he doesn't want to get her ticked off.

[Asker]

He couldn't just came to me and told me he wanted to do something alone. But he didn't seem to care about doing anything so I included friends

[Dweezil]

Disappointed for sure.