Am I overreacting about my boyfriend not wanting to hang out with me on his birthday (tomorrow)?

[Anonymous]

I admittedly overthink most things. Which is why I am reaching out to you guys. And no, I have not brought this up to him because I am fully aware that I could be overreacting here and want some insight before I take it up with him.

So we have been together for 3 years. For each of the birthdays that I have had during this time, he always makes a point to become upset if I want to do anything besides hang out with him. Not over the top upset. Just sulky, which makes me feel bad so I hang out with him and ditch all the plans I made. This year I was supposed to go have a girls night, which I haven't had in 3 years, but instead I was somehow conned into having a BBQ at his sisters house with all his family (and I had to buy ALL the food. On my damn birthday). It was supposed to be my birthday present, but it turned into a fathers day bbq instead and I was all but ignored.

The year before this I had planned to see a girlfriend that I hadn't seen in years. He said that it was too far of a drive and then ended up picking up his buddy and we sat in my car for hours trying to find something to do; which led to me just asking to go home because I was infuriated that I spent my entire birthday in a car with him and his buddy.

He always makes plans on his birthday to go do things without me though. Like tomorrow is his birthday and he forgot. So I planned a day at this nice secluded beach that he has been wanting to go to. It's not crowded and its absolutely beautiful. Well, this morning when he got up I told him I planned a special day for him tomorrow because it's his birthday and he's like "Oh wow, I didn't even remember. can't we plan for Sunday instead? I would like to go hang out with the boys for my birthday." I didn't make a big deal about it and simply said we would go for Sunday instead.

Am I right to be somewhat upset about this or am I overreacting? If I was able to do things that I wanted to do on my birthday than I dont think I would be so upset.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Nope, you're not overreacting - and if he's the one who's telling you you're overreacting, then you need to stop listening to him and acknowledge that he might be gaslighting you.

My ex used to love spending his bdays with me. The last bday of his we spent together, he told me to go to work and don't worry about spending the day with him. He cheated on me - and didn't bother hiding evidence, only tried to pass it off as a platonic visit (and he sucked at lying).

Not saying that's what's happening here, though.

What concerns me most here is that he's refusing your ability to hang out and do things you want for your bday while requiring you to do things he wants for his; setting unrealistic expectations that he himself can't uphold (wanting you to be with him then forgetting he made plans for that); and he's not respecting your time and effort.

You definitely need to have a sit down and frank discussion with him. And I'd encourage you to reconsider this relationship. You've been together long enough to see each other's true nature - listen to your gut. And no, your gut isn't overreacting. Trust your instinct on this.

[In_Trance]

yes you are