Are we exclusive? Is it necessary to have "the talk?"

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a guy for 2 months. He's 47 and I'm 38 if that's of any relevance. He calls and/or texts me every day (not constantly., just once a day usually, which is good). He's taken me out to dinner with some of his family members (brother, sister-in-law, nephew, etc). He's casually mentioned that I can "drop by" if I'm bored (which I have no intention of doing). And over the weekend he introduced me to his 7-year-old daughter. Here's the thing: All of these things make me think that he's serious about us and that we're exclusive.

On the other hand, we've never discussed it and he was incredibly nonchalant about these "events" and did not make much of them. For example, the times when we went to dinner with his family members and when I met his daughter he phoned me during the day when we were supposed to get together that evening and explained that something had come up and if I didn't mind I could come along to dinner with his family members or still come over to the house but his daughter would be there with her friend. So basically the nonchalance about what, to me, are rather important events is kind of throwing me off.

Do guys do these kinds of things without it meaning something? I don't really want to have "the talk" at all...unless he brings it up. :) At this point, I'm basically assuming exclusivity and some level of seriousness, but I want to get some opinions from you guys. Thanks for your help!

[Tamikaze]

Yes, I found out that guys definitely do these kinds of things without it meaning anything. This is more true of the older dating category (I am in my 40's) than it was when we were in our 20's. I had a guy ask me to dinner with his family for a holiday meal and I thought it meant a lot but it was a matter of convenience for him and his family knew well enough that this meant nothing as well.

For me the easiest way to avoid "the talk" and also avoid the heartache of getting too in to a guy to only find out he was still seeing others, was to casually slip it into our 2nd or 3rd date that I don't believe in sex outside of a committed, exclusive relationship. Just a mention of this and then I would stick with it (never accept a date or meet-up at his place, keep to kissing only) and if he saw me as girlfriend material, he would tell me, we would declare our relationship and no need to initiate a talk on my part. If all he wanted was casual sex our dates would start to fizzle out.

Dating when you are older can be tricky because there are definitely a good number of divorced men who just have no heart for a relationship for a while and really just want a casual sexual deal. They then use the "I never said I was exclusive" when you start to realize they may be dating someone else.

Good luck!

[sewfresh]

i agree with everyone else. have the talk. 2 months isn't a very long time but it's long enough for you to ask him where you stand in his life. there's nothing worse then assuming you're exlcusive with someone only to find out later on that they weren't that serious or had no intentions of being serious.

[TigerRoseBear]

It's never good to assume something like that. It's better to just have "the talk". It doesn't have to be a long talk, just a short one where you confirm things like whether or not you're exclusive.

As for the things he did, I'm not sure if he thought they were big things or not. It's possible he thought they were big but he wanted you to say that they were big things. It's also possible he didn't bring them up because he didn't think they were big things. In my opinion the first is more likely.

[NicoJonesInc]

Just my opinion, but I've heard too many stories like this, and a woman's heart gets broken because they think they have something they don't. And the excuse from the guy is always the same, "Well, we never said we were exclusive." All I know is that if given the opportunity many men will date around until exclusivity is discussed. I'm not saying he's not serious, I just think it's better to have an uncomfortable talk than to find out the hard way.