When should we have the "are we exclusive" talk?

I've been seeing a guy for about two months now. We hang out on average about once a week, and we usually only text to figure out plans, with some small talk. We started having sex after date three. Our dates range from going out and getting drinks to just staying in and watching Netflix. He has also taken me to a party with all his friends, where the only other girls there were girlfriends of other guys there (which I think is a good sign, but who knows).

I am really starting to develop feelings for him. I think he is a good and genuine guy too. I feel myself starting to get emotionally attached, so I want to have the "what are we/are we exclusive" talk soon, but I also don't want to freak him out by doing it too early.

When should we have "the talk"? And do you think it seems like he actually likes me or does it seem like he is only after sex?



Most Helpful Guy

  • If exclusivity is important to you, you should talk to him soon, since it seems to be on your mind. For me personally, I'm not big on the exclusivity thing unless engaged (which I'm in no rush toward, but that's beside the point), and I know a lot of guys are starting to feel this way more and more--you're going to continue being approached by other men, so should he stop approaching other women (after all, they aren't going to approach him--see how it's a bit lopsided)?

    As for whether or not he only likes you for sex, hmm, well based upon your description, I would say no. If he viewed you as the friends with benefits type, he probably wouldn't be kicking back with you on Netflix and introducing you to friends--FWB benefit from really clear sex-only rules, IMHO. Maybe he has different rules, IDK. In any case, your description of his behavior doesn't seem like he's only in it for the sex. Is he in it for a relationship? That's another matter, who says you can't have sex and hang out with someone without being "in a relationship?"

    Just ask him, it will clarify things for you nice and quick--why waste time or chance getting hurt, right?

    Hope that helps ;)


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • When you feel it's right. There's no set amount of time for that. It's more about when both of you feel you've graduated past just being dates and it's time to be serious about eachother.

    If you don't want him to freak out about it, just ask him if he wants to be exclusive. Also say that if he's not ready to make that step, you'll be ready when he is.

    Best of luck! :)


What Girls Said 2

  • How are we supposed to determine if he only likes your after sex?

    Just ask him - if your feelings are being invested, I would say now is a good time. Don't beat around the bush with question either.

    A lot easier said than done. I know.

  • Now is definitely a good time. Just at home or over a quiet, private dinner and be direct when you bring it up. He may be thinking about bringing this up as well.