Is it the right time to ask "what are we"?

[Anonymous]

This guy and I have been talking for about 2.5 months, we met end of April and have had 5 dates total (we live kind of far & his work schedule is intense) we have a great time and vibe really well when we hang out in-person and I think the communication has been pretty consistent for the most part.

We just hung out this past weekend and went to dinner & a movie. We were looking at trailers before we decided on a movie and he got a text notification from a "Maybe: Kendall" and I know he recently followed a girl named Kendall - (yes I know this is bad. I was feeling anxious and crazy one day).. It made me feel pretty uneasy and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.

We never had a serious or deep talk about what we are. We both kind of casually mentioned that we didn't plan to see or talk to other people but after seeing that, it made me feel anxious all over again. I do want to kind of establish exclusivity but I'm afraid of pushing or pressuring him into something. I'm not asking for a boyfriend/girlfriend title but maybe us both deleting our apps and focusing on spending time with each other.

I don't know how to bring up the conversation and/or if it's even the right time to

Updates

+1 y

Meant to say we met end of March**

Thanks everyone so far for your input. We have plans to hang out for a full day on Monday so depending how the day goes, I think I will bring it up and define us a bit more.

[Peter_Penetrator]

It is the right time. He must consider your emotions in this relationship. Women are emotional beings. Women fall in love slower than men do. So if he hasn’t brought up being exclusive already, it is time that you do.
Don’t be afraid of how to bring it up, but don’t bring up the issue following him getting a text.
Maybe you can come up with a “fictitious” situation were there was a situation with a “friend” that had that “can we talk” conversation.


Think of yourself as a book author. Let your imagination run away with the subject. Just make up a story; try and lead a conversation in that direction. Find a movie to watch, a song to listen to. Anything that would appear to cause a spur of the moment question. Don’t push the issue if he tries changing the subject. If he does change the subject or doesn’t take your question seriously, well he will have inadvertently answered your question.


Get him to at least realize what you are asking and bring it up again at a later date. You can broach the subject any of these ways or just approach him out of the blue.


Hope this inspires you.

[OlderAndWiser]

I would not focus on deciding a title for your relationship. This is moving rather fast for a new relationship. How involved have you become? Is the relationship sexual? Spent nights together?

[Asker]

We've had sex only once but have spent 2 nights together

[Anonymous]

2.5 months is definitely a good time and if you’re ready for more, be confident about it by bringing in a good mood and how much you enjoyed being with him.. if what you both said is true that you both aren’t seeing/talking to others.. then ask him if he deleted his apps and ask him what are yalls. If you saw that text while being with him, I know we like to pretend to be cool about it, however, it’s bothering you and nothing is wrong asking who is that person cuz “maybe Kendall” is kinda odd. It makes you anxious was he really honest just seeing you or is there more girls he’s talking to?

[FictionalCharacter]

There’s a familiar face

[Asker]

Yeah pretending to be cool about is actually making me feel even more anxious so I plan to bring it up. I've just noticed he recently started following more girls so I am feeling uneasy.

[Kris31]

I can only give you my take as a guy. You can do that too but to need courage! xD

Alright so when went out with girls and it looked like they aren't against it I just went for a kiss and after that the mood is always right to ask what he expects of the two of you ( ofc if she says no what are you doing that's an answer as well but luckily didn't had that yet!).

If it's a bit out of your comfort zone might just give him a hug to set the mood for a nerve-wracking question.

Hope that helps a bit!

[lightbulb27]

no, I'd ask "what would you like us to be"?

[Asker]

Thank you. I like this answer because I am also running scenarios in my head on how to even bring up the conversation or ask the question

[Vegasrunner]

I hope guys read this and realize that it should always be the woman chasing the relationship. The fact that she could have competition has driven her to want to put labels on the relationship even more.

[Asker]

Do you not believe when they say "men are the hunters"?

[Vegasrunner]

@asker Different context.

[SoftM]

I'd do a deep talk. If you have to put him on the spot, to get pushy, you are disrespecting own female logic.

Otherwise, ask him to marry you. It is neither illegal nor strange to do so. Stop wanting him to define who you are.

[mb120101]

Yes it is the right time , unless you want to risk wasting your time

[In_Trance]

It's never the right time to ask. You should know what you are at all times. If you don't, your communication is not where it needs to be

[Wise4myage]

That's too soon in my opinion.

[dudeinohio]

Yeah. I'd ask.