What do I do with a pushover husband?

[Myrmarach]

Imagine your typical alpha male. He's the exact opposite! I tried to talk to him like a million times, sent him blogs and videos with tips on how to build one's confidence but nothing seems to work. I'd hate to have to divorce him since we have a kid together but I'm on the point od giving up on him. Any ideas?

[btbc92]

You need to be a better wife and mother. He isn't a pushover, he is sensitive and your the one who is bullying him. If you keep that up, he may God forbid cheat on you and or leave you. You're the problem. Not him. You knew this marrying him. And the one who is suffering is your child. You want to divorce him because you want other men. You are the type of woman that doesn't need to be married but single and by yourself. Not married and not with a kid. The one who needs to change is yourself. Not your husband. He needs to know that you love him. You pushing all of that on him shows you don't love this man and it's making him depressed and anxious. This kind of behavior makes people God forbid turn to addiction. Then you'll blame them for that too. Very insensitive, very disrespectful, and lack compassion. He deserves better. If he isn't so much of an "alpha man", why did you marry such a man? Then if another man mistreats you, you'll scream about where are all the good men gone.

[JuneLady]

First of all, I'd recommend Jordan Peterson.
Second, I think it's probably best if you backed off a bit. Maybe continue to encourage him to be more assertive, but you might be scaring him into being quieter and more insecure. Maybe just look to him when a decision needs to be made. Not high pressure, don't force anything on him, just let him make a decision. Criticism and pressure will only sink him deeper into his shell - he needs encouragement and support.

[ChocoBrowny]

You seem more like an obsessed brother whose been brainwashed into believing there's categories of males. You know actually be a wife.
I am almost certain he will be the best dad a child could have, and you're just beginning to feel jealousy. So evaluate your own behaviour and stop trying to change him.
If this carries on, i believe it will be him who divorces you.

[slatyb]

To answer your question, you need to get specific. What has recently happened or is happening that you find frustrating?

[Myrmarach]

It's all kinds of things. From sending me desperate messages while he's at work to constantly asking me what we're going to do instead of planning something to constantly underperforming in bed... But all of these things originate from the same source: lack of dominance

[slatyb]

Maybe you could start with some counseling? Can you afford it? Would he be amenable? When he does make a decision, do you support it or criticize it?

[Myrmarach]

You mean counseling like a therapy session? I mean... It's not like we couln't afford it, but it's kinda hard to get where I live. Not that many therapists here. Whether I support him or criticize him, that depends on the decision. Like, if there's a much better option on hand, then I won't praise him for the bad one, that's for sure.

[slatyb]

I see -- if you don't reward the effort, you won't get any. Sounds like this is not a one-sided problem.

[Myrmarach]

Oh yeah I do have my own share of bs. Childhood traumas suck. If it weren't for them, I probably wouldn't have this need to have a real man by my side. But there's not much I can do about that, can I? I wish I wasn't so attracted to gray hair, but I can't have it surgically removed I suppose 😅

[slatyb]

With the magic of high-speed internet you can get counseling without leaving home.

[Myrmarach]

Not sure if that works in my country :/

[MzAsh]

What specifically behaviors do you have a problem with? Tackle those independently.

[Myrmarach]

He acts very submissive. As someone with an anxiety disorder, I find this absolutely infuriating.

[MzAsh]

So you just need him to make more decisions then?

[Myrmarach]

It's more than just decisions, but yeah, basically...

[Anonymous]

Well it's no wonder he has a confidence problem being married to someone like you. Everything you are doing is only contributing too his lack of confidence. Why did you even marry him if you don't like who he actually is? Stop trying to change him and work on changing yourself instead. Be a better person for fuck sake.

[Myrmarach]

What's so bad about me?

[Opinion Owner]

Oh please.

[Myrmarach]

Well, you posted your reply anonymously so go on. Be a hero!

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm, let's see. I post anonymously.

You, on the other hand, married your husband as he was and then decided he isn't man enough for you so you tell him that all the time and send him blogs and videos explaining how to be a more acceptable man in your eyes. But you're considering divorcing him because he doesn't have enough confidence for your liking.

You are a what is commonly referred to as a selfish cunt.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Stop being a jerk to him.
Also stop trying to change him.
Divorce him, he deserves a nice person to compliment his niceness, obviously thats not going to be you if your toxic alpha/beta male outlook on relationships is blinding you.

[someginger]

Muay thai or bjj or mma nothing like learning how to fight to get the confidence going.

[Myrmarach]

He actually did some historical swordfighting back when I met him. Ofc that was ages ago. We moved to another town and he never got back to it. Perhaps I should give him a suggestion 🤔

[someginger]

Tbf I've been meaning to do hma bc it seems pretty fun, but yeah getting a new hobbie and meeting new people never hurts.

Tbf though my ex called me a push over but that's bc she just wanted to argue over nothing.

[Myrmarach]

Sorry about that. Calling your SO a pushover to their face sound pretty harsh even if it was true.

[someginger]

Lol I don't know if it was true it's more i just don't like conflict bc of my childhood. Tbf this was before I got into harder styles of martial arts so i might have been more willing but would much rather be with a girl who isn't a bitch.

[Myrmarach]

Maybe she was being a brat bc she was trying to provoke you. Like if she keeps bitching long enough then you'll man up and put her in her place. I did that as well. Doesn't work.

[someginger]

Yeah don't do that have an adult conversation about the problem rather than just trying to piss people off.

[Citizenkirk]

Pushover husband? you hold on to that fella for your life you don't let him go for anything ladies.

[FakeName123]

Nothing. You can't change other people. People can only change themselves which requires them to want to make a change.

[Anonymous]

I would think that you knew that is how he was before you married him, why is it bothering you now? Maybe he needs to take some martial arts class to build up some confidence

[Myrmarach]

He's always been kind of a "nice guy", but back when I met him, he definitely had some balls :/

[Opinion Owner]

So you’re saying that he’s gotten softer? I wonder why, maybe he does need to join some kind of group

[cloud9vortex1234]

You should have vetted him better before marrying him.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t seem like a bad guy, especially since he's a good father to your son.

[Anonymous]

Is your kid a son or daughter? Hopefully he is a good dad

[Myrmarach]

We have a 2yo boy and yes, he's a wonderful dad :)

[Opinion Owner]

That's awesome, just asking because a lot of guys out there are neglectful towards their kids

[Myrmarach]

Ikr... Wish my dad was more like him :/

[Kayak_Guy]

I wish I could help but I am trans and very submissive

[spartan55]

Man, fuck that. He should kick you to the curb.

[Avicenna]

You can't change him much

[Twalli]

How did you not know this before getting married

[anylolone]

Good question. Careful what you wish for...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like his mother destroyed him

[Anonymous]

Why did you marry him to begin with?

[Anonymous]

HAHAHAHAH

women are prostitutes

[Cowboy6666]

get a divorce

[CreamySeed]

What pushes him over

[CreamySeed]

by the way this is why men dont cry lol they get divorced