What do I do when my husband does this?

[Anonymous]

I just found out im pregnant. My husband hasn't touched me in one month now and refuses because I haven't "cleaned the house properly" or found a job. There's been a new excuse every day. "I have a cut on my penis" or "I'm not in the mood tomorrow I promise".

I've been sick all week barely able to eat with no energy and I lost my job 3 days ago due to being pregnant and soon enough be "unable to keep up with the pace" according to my now ex manager.

All I asked for was a bit of intimacy, he yelled and argued with me and now I'm sleeping on the couch. He messaged me from the other room saying "maybe try turning me on (by doing more housework or finding a job) for a change so I don't keep going soft on you. Goodnight"

I'm not meant to be stressing out this early in the pregnancy or I could miscarry but I can't help how this whole situation made me feel.

Advice on what to say or do?

[motownplayer2000]

Ok. So first… the way you worded it is that it sounds like you were unfaithful and it’s another man’s child… if he hasn’t touched you in a month and you just found out you were pregnant. Need context on that.. other than that, if you were sitting on your butt and not doing anything around the house and he is working and paying for everything. He has a right to be upset. A man isn’t a servant in the relationship where he gives you everything. You need to help this man out.. at least at home. Pregnant or not, pregnancy isn’t a disability, or an excuse for you to do nothing in the house. Certain things you can’t do, of course but if he is asking for you to do somethings in the house than do it. Compromise with him. I don’t have full context of your life, but instead of taking it to social media where more likely than not, the women will be like “dump him” and the men will be like, “listen to him…” you need to talk with him. Communicate and if his observations are true, try to do more.


I’m not trying to pick sides, but I have been with a woman that didn’t want to do anything in the house including pay rent and got mad when we called her out. Sooo…. I’m not sure his motive are unjust. But all I can say is communicate and come to an understanding. It let him leave, or you leave and find common ground for the child. Because either way, I feel sorry for that kid.

[Jackblue]

She never said she just found out she was pregnant she said she just lost her job because she was pregnant. What kind of a man makes his pregnant wife sleep on the couch?

[motownplayer2000]

Literally, what does the first line in the first paragraph say? 🤦‍♀️

[Asker]

I'm one month and 2 weeks pregnant. I've never been unfaithful to my husband. It's 100% his child.

But since the time we had sex that would've gotten me pregnant, he hasn't touched me or shown any sort of intimacy.

I definitely don't sit on my butt. I've cleaned my house top to bottom multiple times but when I finish cleaning and he continuously messes up the house over and over, chucking clean clothes all over the floor and never picking them up, shit stains on the toilet that I've asked multiple times for him to clean, of course I get sick of cleaning. So I've slowed down with it. He still comes home to dinner and I pack his lunches for work.

Always smiling and show him a good face when he gets home from work and if I have to ask him for help I'm apologetic and I won't ask for much but for example "take the rubbish down please when you're bothered".

I just got fired 3 days ago, I've applied for 2 jobs and still am looking but haven't felt the best. I've been sick every day and now fasting for religious reasons.

Communicating with him has proved to not work because he gets defensive and turns it all on me.

Thats just a little insight on my situation.

[motownplayer2000]

Better contexts.. yeah. He is being a bit unreasonable. I would suggest seeing a counselor. He probably won’t agree to it, his pride will get in the way. But go seek a professional if you can and work out what you need to do next. Asking strangers online is not the best course of action when it comes to relationship advise.. half of them are clueless and the other half will pick a side no matter what. You need someone that will help you work through the issues and help you come to a conclusion that will help everyone involved. That’s not done here.

I sincerely hope that your relationship gets better

[Jackblue]

If it is any comfort I don't think stress significantly increases the chance of a miscarriage.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/pregnancy-week-by-week/expert-answers/early-miscarriage/faq-20058214#:~:text=While%20excessive%20stress%20isn't,before%20the%20pregnancy%20is%20recognized.
As for your husband, he is not a great guy or at least it seems like he isn't. Is there someone else you could move in with while you are pregnant?

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Okay, first of all… I’m sorry but I would immediately leave. What kind of “husband” or “man” does that to their pregnant wife? Knowing the circumstances?


I would leave the house. Do you have your parents or any family members or friends nearby that will allow you to stay at their house for a bit? Tell your husband that you are stressed and worried that you might miscarry from all the stress. Tell him that you are trying.

I will ask - Are you keeping up with housework though? I know you’re probably trying as best you can, but is he being extremely unreasonable or is he wanting you to be more productive?

[Asker]

He does just want me to be more productive however when I clean the house top to bottom and he just messes it up within the first 3 hours of him getting home from work, of course I'm going to slow down and not clean as much.

I just feel like a maid at this point. Cook, clean and sit pretty waiting for HIM to decide when he wants to get off his ps5 and feels like talking to me.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Ugh. I would tell him that. Tell him that he just makes a mess right when he gets home.

I will suggest couples counseling.

[boggboss]

Honestly don't know what to say as your husband Honestly seems like a absolute asshole

[Asker]

Same

[VLAD76]

Do this 🖕 while saying this "Fuck you asshole I'm having your child and dealing with shit you probably couldn't comprehend? So give me a cuddle then you clean the house my bodies currently busy enough!"
How's that? Hope it works. Take care. Xx

[LaNc3L0TT]

It's sensitive subject to talk about, and I'm "just" a man but your boy is a bitch. :D
He should support you now fully and stop being crybaby.

[20yearsolder]

Sounds to me like you're married to a douchebag, I'm not really sure why you want to spread your legs for him anyway but you've made your bed now lay in it

[oh_k789]

That's not an all-wrong comment from you. Not all-wrong at all.

[Anonymous]

If he's like this now, what will he be like in 5 years? You need to get out of this relationship. I suggest speaking to your doctor about your options for adoption or terminating the pregnancy if you are not prepared to be a single mother.

[Anonymous]

Unless you're leaving out some crucial information, your husband seems like a dick. Do you have friends or family you could stay with to avoid being in a stressful environment?

[KatherineJ]

Excuse me? He said what!!!

[altdbob]

Start looking to get out of the marriage and find someone who actually cares about you.

[SnakeBoop]

Ew.
Get fucking rid.

[hsshannah96]

Time for him to be your ex husband

[ThePurpleGiraffe]

He sounds like a narcissist. Get out asap

[Anonymous]

Did you trick him into getting pregnant?

[Asker]

Of course not. He decided he was ready and started finishing inside instead of pulling out.

[Opinion Owner]

If you're not working you need to at least clean the house up. He's got to bring in the dough. He's feeling the full weight right now about what's going on and letting everything sink in. Be considerate and not so "Poor Me" because you are both in this together. He should love you more for it and if not then he is an asshole.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol, Instant Gratification for 18 years of heartache. The Gap between the Trade-Offs would be the worst Business Deal ever unless he Genuinely wanted to be a father. I feel so bad for you. For him, I don't because he's an idiot to deal with the consequences.

[Opinion Owner]

Correction-has to deal with the consequences

[Opinion Owner]

If only he waited just a bit longer for Male Birth Control.

[KrakenAttackin]

Sounds like BS.