What should you do when your husband is mad and breaks things?

[Anonymous]

Updates

1 y

I get on with him most of the time but some of the things he does make me scared or hurt.

[quaranta]

He does that because he has severe lacks in communication and in self-management, that are still stuck to his childhood. Aggression, going mad, pulling up an exaggerated mess in front of you is the same a kid does to obtain attention from the drained mother who doesn't know anymore how to manage this messy little human. Usually, nowadays, mothers get a long term help from psychologist, on time, and what kids learn is to communicate their needs and feelings healthily.
My father is pretty similar to your husband, my mother is a sponge. I grown up assisting to these scenes so much I cannot, in any possible way, absorb it, neither see it as serious. The only thing I can see is a big screaming kid, and other than being mildly scared (objectively there are physical risks, accidents etc), I cringe extremely hard and can't really hold that, I probably got distorted uncontrollable smirks on my face for the cringe I felt and I felt the same when one of my partners used to react violently to anger. All I did was automatically shutting down any possible interest in him, finding him textbook pathetic. I can't help that, to me that's one of the maximum expressions of a failed person, screaming to desperately drag me in their pit of shit, no matter the authority they use.
The problem is that you can't do much about that. He is an adult, he never learnt better communication techniques from his childhood and he won't change about that any time soon. He might, in a time span of some years, only if he cooperates and goes to therapy, following the path with willpower and humility. If he is not interested, then it's impossible even in decades (and that would also mean he doesn't care if you get emotionally abused, rather, he wants the right to keep doing that and that is not really something compatible with someone who "loves" you - but he chosen to marry you, so that brings at least this minimum responsibility to work on his deep deficiencies that make you unsafe).
So beware about kids if you are planning to have babies with him, because you'd give them -this- father, who teaches them indirectly -this- way to communicate, and who scares them.
The other option is to do like my mother: completely give up any possible trace of personal dignity, become an appendix at the service of your husband, stop existing, fulfill every single caprice and absorb all the emotional abuse until you don't even recognize it (good luck though; there is no magic wand to make you "resistant" enough, and you are not supposed to be; the only way is to erode yourself slowly becoming a full time wife+mother+nurse+teacher to your partner, if you choose this path).

[KrakenAttackin]

What a bunch of bullshit. Maybe she pushes his buttons until he pops off.

[quaranta]

@KrakenAttackin I'm open to listen to counter arguments though

[Lulu897]

I think you should get him help to control and manage his emotions in a better way as this may harm him and the others around him including you. If you are scared and hurt then this is a sign that you must resolve this , please be safe.

[Anonymous]

I see nothing wrong with your husband’s actions. It’s not violent to anyone, and he is good in self-management because he can control putting his anger on something instead of someone.

Anger or stress are a common thing and most people can not avoid it. It could be from work, school, family, relationships, society or maybe politics.

I think you really should find someway to communicate with your husband what is going on. Because if he comes to the point that he is not able to listen to you NORMALLY but put anger on objects, there must be a burden of his.

[Opinion Owner]

Really, I don’t know why there is people say he is not self-managed. Because based on what you said, it looks like he only deals damage to object.

I see a lot of people losing self control, some will yell, hit someone and depend on how lack of self-management, they hit family (I will not say it’s a good thing but a better case is they hit someone not their family), some who can not find a target to put anger and stress on and they put on themself.

I will leave you a link, it’s not really relative but it will make more sense what I am trying to say to you, it can be easy to research that one of the stress release is hitting object: www.refinery29.com/.../rage-anger-rooms-stress-relief
They even sell a toy to put anger on.

However, I warn you that is a double-headed method, because it’s depended on what he hit. Objects are “stronger” than him and they deals back damage to him more than he is trying to do.

[BlackBeauty90]

@Tanhoaon
You leave. I would not be surprised if he is verbally & emotionally abusive as well.

It's only a matter of time before instead of throwing something, he's throwing you down the stairs. It's only a matter of time before instead of punching a hole in the wall, he's punching you in the face & breaking your nose.

"Men" like this have self control & serious anger management issues. They are UNABLE to rationalize their emotions and behave like logical grown adults, rather they'd behave like a child told no dessert before supper.

REAL men DO NOT do this. If a REAL man is frustrated or angry they get a hobby (such as boxing), they remove themselves from the situation (e. g. going on a walk), etc. so that they take out their frustrations WITHOUT causing harm to anyone or anything.

[Opinion Owner]

@BlackBeauty90 I have no idea why you come to that thought and that’s conclusion. I see a lot of people can do that and you can include myself. The last person I attacked is my sister 14 years ago, now I am 21 living under anger of a lot of things and I didn’t hit anyone since that so what you are say is impulsive.
No one seeks to do things they don’t like, boxing or some sport is a personal favorite, and even I see a lot of people doing a sport, but still put anger on someone else.
I don’t know what you determine “real men” is. Maybe it comes from “feminism definition.” You say it’s child or immature actions but that is observed and applied well for many people, especially who working on the office more than outgoing.

You want to encourage people leaving their husbands if they do that, so now you are responsible for her if there is something happening in relationship? I said on what she has said and you create variety of conclusions with no clue, even ignore what I already sent about it’s a popular method of stress control and you turn it back to lacking of “self-control.”, is still with no clue.

Your method is so escaping and irresponsible in relationship, you talked about “real men” but don’t talk about “real women” who is supposed emotionally sharing with their men, and in partner relationship, that is emotional sharing. And ultimately, this is nothing solved or no-way-out, so what you say is lacking of productive and you just encourage people to ruin their relationship worse. Life for some people is just easy that leave whenever they want.

Why don’t you put back the situation who yell around and distress the husband? If I were you, I will say she is lack of self-control and I should leave her. Let me tell you, if that man act leaving before effort to find a solution, as man says to man, I will say he is a retard.

[OlderAndWiser]

You should be refining your methods and criteria for selecting a long term partner.

[Aerissa_Jade]

That is considered domestic violence, call the police and get out of that relationship.

[BlackBeauty90]

You leave. I would not be surprised if he is verbally & emotionally abusive as well.

It's only a matter of time before instead of throwing something, he's throwing you down the stairs. It's only a matter of time before instead of punching a hole in the wall, he's punching you in the face & breaking your nose.

"Men" like this have self control & serious anger management issues. They are UNABLE to rationalize their emotions and behave like logical grown adults, rather they'd behave like a child told no dessert before supper.

REAL men DO NOT do this. If a REAL man is frustrated or angry they get a hobby (such as boxing), they remove themselves from the situation (e. g. going on a walk), etc. so that they take out their frustrations WITHOUT causing harm to anyone or anything.

[Kori1236]

He sounds emotionally immature like he never learned how to deal with his emotions as a kid. I would keep an eye on it and if that anger is ever directed at you but taken out on an inanimate object like a dish I would pack a bag and leave. To me that behaviour is unacceptable, everyone gets angry but lashing out and breaking things or punching the wall isn’t a conductive way of managing that anger.


So if it’s an instance where it’s directed at you I would leave. And if/when you go back and talk it out have a list of things you want him to actively work on to work on how he expresses his emotions. And you can make a list for yourself too (or have him write one) Then the both of you can actively work on the issues together.

[Sour-rose]

Not have a husband anymore. You break my shi, i'm done. No n*gga is gonna act like a hoodlum and break my shi when he gets mad, that just means I've made a mistake.

[CrazyGirl2]

That’s a FANTASTIC question, and there is nothing that is so humiliating or personally embarrassing about it that you can't use your username, so If you drop the anonymous BS, and ask this again with your username, I’d love to answer it!

[CasuallySamsonite]

Leave.

Not a healthy relationship if he makes you scared or hurt. Better men all over the place, and nothing wrong with being single either. You gotta look out for yourself.

[RandomGuy1032]

Beta male

[BlackBeauty90]

@RandomGuy1032 You leave. I would not be surprised if he is verbally & emotionally abusive as well.

It's only a matter of time before instead of throwing something, he's throwing you down the stairs. It's only a matter of time before instead of punching a hole in the wall, he's punching you in the face & breaking your nose.

"Men" like this have self control & serious anger management issues. They are UNABLE to rationalize their emotions and behave like logical grown adults, rather they'd behave like a child told no dessert before supper.

REAL men DO NOT do this. If a REAL man is frustrated or angry they get a hobby (such as boxing), they remove themselves from the situation (e. g. going on a walk), etc. so that they take out their frustrations WITHOUT causing harm to anyone or anything.

[sage2021]

Just watch what he's breaking. If it's all your stuff I would hand him some of his own stuff to break. I did that once to a guy. Turned out when I handed him HIS stuff to break, he wasn't so mad after all!

[Fireguy17]

Anger issues can manifest over time, so he either should seek help and follow through, or it might be time to consider leaving while you are in tact.

A person shouldn't have to walk around on pins and needles in fear for their health.

[pewter_moon]

100%

[NikosBlackwood]

Take him to a rage room, then therapy. It sounds like he has anger management issues, possibly from unresolved trauma.

[Anonymous]

If he breaks things when he’s mad he’s got issues and need to see a psychologist. That’s not normal and not healthy for you or other people to be around. Especially if you have/plan to have kids.

[cryscrys1]

He might break an anatomy part someday honestly he better attend some therapy or you leave. Don’t stay because now you are married or feel stuck

[Anonymous]

In a calm moment suggest that you both go to counselling, not necessarily framed as fixing a problem but as helping you both become better versions of yourselves... You'd be amazed the areas it can help.

[Izzy_3991]

Run. Run far and fast. Don't come back. Take what you can and leave.

[AmeerX]

Just try to calm him down. He is your husband you have to live with it. Try to listen to him more attentively

[BlackBeauty90]

@AmeerX You leave. I would not be surprised if he is verbally & emotionally abusive as well.

It's only a matter of time before instead of throwing something, he's throwing you down the stairs. It's only a matter of time before instead of punching a hole in the wall, he's punching you in the face & breaking your nose.

"Men" like this have self control & serious anger management issues. They are UNABLE to rationalize their emotions and behave like logical grown adults, rather they'd behave like a child told no dessert before supper.

REAL men DO NOT do this. If a REAL man is frustrated or angry they get a hobby (such as boxing), they remove themselves from the situation (e. g. going on a walk), etc. so that they take out their frustrations WITHOUT causing harm to anyone or anything.

[AmeerX]

@BlackBeauty90 you have only heard just one sentence from her situation and you want her to leave him?
Some great advice you aregiving.@ BlackBeauty90 I won't take advice from you

[Asker]

I don’t say anything and try not to react when he does it because I don’t want to make him more mad I just stare at him 😐 then walk away.

[Hardworkingguy]

Well I think that if you were my sister I would ask you to check with the psychologist and probably consider divorce because there's something really wrong with him

[sheikalana]

Remain calm and do not antagonize him. Consider couples therapy and address the issue.

[Anonymous]

That's when you and your things run for your life and divorce your husband and either kick him out or move out. Your husband is an explosive hot head!

[Opinion Owner]

Do you want to let it develop into a situation, where he turns into someone like Michael Myers? This isn't a movie.

[CuriousMufuxka]

Stop acting like a victim. I guarantee you have something to do with his temper tantrums..

[Asker]

It’s because I didn’t load the dishwasher how he likes but it works just fine that way too it was really dumb and he apologized after. His Dad looses it over petty shit to his mom too.
His anger is really unpredictable on what will set it off.

[bamesjond0069]

Don't put your face in the way of his fist. Generally common sense prevails.

[KrakenAttackin]

How about not pissing him off? Crazy, I know.

[BlackBeauty90]

ROFL. How do you know she is, bitch?

As I said to her
It's only a matter of time before instead of throwing something, he's throwing you down the stairs. It's only a matter of time before instead of punching a hole in the wall, he's punching you in the face & breaking your nose.

"Men" like this have self control & serious anger management issues. They are UNABLE to rationalize their emotions and behave like logical grown adults, rather they'd behave like a child told no dessert before supper.

REAL men DO NOT do this. If a REAL man is frustrated or angry they get a hobby (such as boxing), they remove themselves from the situation (e. g. going on a walk), etc. so that they take out their frustrations WITHOUT causing harm to anyone or anything.