How to set boundaries politely when I know the relationship moving forward isn't doing either of us any good?

[Anonymous]

So my friend M (30) has been in a long term, long distance relationship and I F (22) just got out of a long term relationship. We have been friends for a few months and as we have A LOT of likes and interests in common, we started connecting really well. Slowly I could notice that he started getting flirty and romantic with me. Daily texts started becoming calls, video calls and even late night calls that go on for hours. I really like this guy but I don't really reciprocate romantically as I know he has a girlfriend and I don't intend to get into a relationship anytime soon. He keeps saying that he regrets not having met me earlier and there are times where the conversations also get intimate and I just don't go along but I don't know how to politely set a boundary. I have never met someone this similar to me and that makes it harder for me to see things clearly as my head doesn't want to imagine him being removed from my life. I really love hanging out, talking and traveling around with him but I don't want to get stuck in something that turns into an affair because I didn't set boundaries. Would really appreciate insights on setting boundaries while not offending him.

[kyleelyn199723]

Cut him off :). He is not a friend. He is a guy trying to break boundaries and cheat on his girlfriend because he is not happy with the circumstances he is in. A polite way to do this is say “hey you are in a relationship and I feel like we have crossed boundaries in our past conversations, so I’m just going to let you do your thing in your relationship and figure it out. I care about your relationship working out and I do not want to ruin your relationship” I know it’s not your fault girl, but don’t put blame on him and just walk away until he figures his life out

[Asker]

It makes a lot of sense. Sometimes it is just hard to look at things the way they are... especially when you have the fear of losing them but I should let him figure things out on his own. Thank you so much for this <3

[spartan55]

Why are you so worried about offending him? He isn't your friend or he wouldn't put you in this position. All he is angling at is fucking you. Get rid of him, it won't end well if you drag it out.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for that! I was worried about offending him as he has become quite a big part of my life now and it would hurt to bluntly cut him off but I get what you're saying and it is probably the only solution too.

[spartan55]

Thanks for the MHO!