IMAGINE this: You're friends with a girl. She's beautiful inside and out, you get along really well, there has been some flirting going on. You eventually ask her to be your girlfriend, and she says yes!
Now you really like this girl, definitely a keeper in your eyes. When you asked her to be your girlfriend what was your intention?
a) Make sure that you guys are developing a romance exclusively, and see if hopefully one day can get married? you'll take things as they go with that vision in mind
b) You want to take the friendship into the romantic side, and hope this opens the door to sex almost right away ? since you guys already have a lot of chemistry.
Now, even if she said yes, she wants to take her time, mostly to build trust in this relationship before taking it to a more intimate level(aka: having sex). How do you feel about that? Are you ready to wait for her. If you chose option a), is there a reason you wouldn't wait for her, and what is it?
What are you hoping for when you ask a girl to be your girlfriend? (read scenario)?
I struggle with this. Because i feel like if I'm making a girl my girlfriend, it's because one day I see us potentially getting married.
And I lose interest in a girl the moment I realize the relationship will not last. Like i dont want to waste another minute with her. and move on to find my one true love.
But I know people just... date around and be boyfriend and girlfriend with tons of people with zero thoughts of the future.
I feel like as a man, I have been taught to be this way. To be ashamed of any desire for sex, and the only honorable way to live is to pretend as if sex is meaningless and marry "the one" only for perfect reasons.
So, I suppose I vote for option A.
I dont make a girl my girlfriend for sex. I make her my girlfriend cuz I like her. Sex just comes with that naturally.
I dont worry about sex. She can make me wait i suppose.
I've had girls "make me wait" in the past. Yea... a few hours at most and she pushed us to sex every single time lol. As a guy I've never had to push any girl for sex.
I think as a guy you should always be respectful of her wishes. If she doesn't want sex yet, its OK. Be fine with it and you'll get it sooner. Have a problem with it and kiss the girl goodbye forever.
At the same time, it can make a guy feel like he is the girls second choice, when he knows she will have sex with random men. Yet makes you, her supposed love interest, wait for sex. It makes you as a guy feel used. She uses you for the relationship she can't have with the fuckboys she really wants.
So in that sense, I dont think I am willing to wait if the girl is that kind of a girl. If she sleeps around yet won't fuck me day 1? Im gone. She clearly sees me as less than other men who she will have sex with at the drop of a hat.
I totally agree with you, and thank you for your answer. Yea, I also dont like to get into things if its just a waste of time and emotion. I also think intimacy comes naturally in due time. And im glad to hear you'd respect the person's pace. Id hope everyone was like this. I mean, being respectful of each other is essential in a relationship, so its kind of a must. I also "dont worry about sex" because it comes naturally when two people love and desire eachothr. And for me its not about making him wait, but just to develop a trusting bond before I become super vulnerable with someone. Because intimacy is a very deep kind of connection in my opinion. And personally I dont do casual things, so I dont think a guy would feel used in that sense, because im not dating around like that. Hell nah, lol. Im not built for that, and its not what I want :b
I think maybe people just trust me for some reason. Happens in casual life too. People will tell me too much that I didn't want to know! Lol.
I've had many times a girl stop me before sex. And tell me she isn't ready. And I was always fine with it. And every time, soon after, she is the one jumping on my dick.
I hear so many stories where a guy gets mad that the girl wants to wait. He gets upset, forces her, rapes her, or makes her feel like shit for waiting.
How pathetic. How do men become like that? Why am I this way? Why can I wait and it's all good but other guys throw a fit? Sad sad sad.
by the comments I've seen from you, you seem like a pretty smart guy, rather mature and understanding. Id think you're trustworthy just for those things you convey. But I'm also too self-disciplined to give into people like this. But I have a two friends that are charming that way. Tbh, not easy, hahaha
haha no worries. I agree most guys seem to be that way. but i wouldn't know because i dont hang with these people. its kinda funny to me tho that you said "I lose interest in a girl the moment I realize the relationship will not last" and also that casual life comes easy to you. But maybe you just changed your past ways, I don't know. Id believe you're genuinely trustworthy, and hope for that too, haha. Seems like you're doing well, so keep at it (:
A would be my choice because I am a person who.. in all his past crushes, has always thought through how he wanted it to go if she said yes and it was always the same, to keep a steady relationship and build trust, become intimate at a speed we are both comfortable with and only try doing sexual things if we were both comfortable with it, if she didn't want to but I wanted to, I would wait, I would not try to ruin the relationship by pushing her out of her comfort zone. And lastly the desire to eventually live together was in my mind.
Now, for my crush on guys, it was somewhat similar but without the sex basically, my mind thought how I would like to be with them, try to get comfortable holding hands and kissing each other if it is something we are nervous about and in the far future there have been times I thought adoption would be nice if I was with a guy, so we could still have children together, but I didn't mind either outcome, with kids or without.
But I am not looking to get a relationship so that I have access to sex, that is not the case at all, of course I don't want to be a virgin for life but what I want more is to get to embrace my relationship partner regularly and give them kisses, hugs, hold their hand in public while walking down roads, tease them about the little things they do that only I get to notice, like perhaps how they twitch their nose every time they drink their coffee or they like to blow bubbles through their drink straw, I would love to just enjoy watching them do different little things ^__^ And at the end of the day give them a kiss.
Thank you for outlining this for me, it makes so much sense "keep a steady relationship... build trust... become intimate at a speed we are both comfortable with... if she didn't want to but I wanted to, I would wait... not... ruin the relationship by pushing... comfort zone desire to eventually live together..." Those steps make sense in that order, and im really happy to see how you envision things. You see, because you're my kind of person that I like as a friend, and so is the person I "like like", so im guessing he could have a similar thought process xD. A girl can hope x3
and that is so wholesome <3 watching them make bubbles in their drink. I also love people who have these little child-like ways, its juts the most wholesome thing to see. LIke, my "friend", he can't just walk without signing a little tune if its quiet, and he's always making action sounds when he moves things around.. he's just a kid and I love it. (but he's my age, fyi, lol)
You are most welcome ;) I am glad that it made you so happy! Of course, you and I are friends and I think that if the guy you like like has a same thought track then he will likely have a same or similar opinion on these things, not word for word though, these be my wishes! <3 A girl can hope and a guy can dream, so I am sure that something will come of it ^_^
Well it's just true hehe! I just find those little things really cute and love the idea of being able to be around them while they are doing that stuff :) my little thing is I often end up whistling or I play a invisible piano with my fingers, do hop scotch to test my balance while on lunch break, yeah... o_o
You gotta give them a kiss :) just a little one if you are nervous, but to show how much they mean to you ^_^
hmm, yea.. "the world belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" <3 ^-^ you're such a cutie, tehee x3 i mean, if they are mine, im kissing them, no question there haha
Your preface is the only reason I wold ask a girl to be my girlfriend in the first place.
But I choose option "a". I want a monogamous relationship with lots of sex right away. Build on that and see where things go, with an eye on taking it to the ultimate level of marriage if things work out.
My (future) wife had a three month rule. She wanted to be in a steady relationship so that we could get to know each other really well before we got into sex. She felt that sex led to infatuation that could cloud judgement. That was not my ideal, but I could understand her caution and agreed because we already got along so great and I respected her wisdom.
Personally, I don't believe in withholding sex for very long. If two people are sexually incompatible, they wasted a lot of time waiting. Mutually satisfying sex is a strong glue that will keep people together forever. Plus, I don't care for women who have sexual inhibitions, or hang ups about saving themselves for marrriage, or using sex as a bargaining chip. I like women who have healthy values, hopes and dreams, but also LOVE sex.
I have 2 questions because I wanna understand where you're coming feom ( not at all meant to ffend, ok? :)) : 1. Why aren't you and your 'future wife' married yet? 2. What exactly do you mean by 'sexually incompatible'?
Sexually compatible means different things for different people. For me, it means that she loves the male body and she loves cock. She loves to give blowjobs, even when I'm coated with her own juices, and eagerly swallows. She revels in sex and sensuality. Her entire body is sensitive and responsive. For example, having her titties fondled and her nipples sucked makes her horny. She's uninhibited, eager, cooperative, and willing to try things. She loves to be fucked and participates enthusiastically. She's creamy and orgasmic. She's eager to please and knows how to bring me to ecstasy. She knows what her pussy is for and is even willing to bend over and submit her pussy to quickies if I'm in the mood and we're not in a time or place for a full-on session of sex.
As I said, everybody is different. Sometimes two people have different levels of sex drive. Or one person is more inhibited or less enthusiastic than the other. Some people have kinks that their partner doesn't share. It helps if they have similar sex drives and tastes.
ok now i get what you mean with "sexual compatibility". It doesn't have to do with physical restrictions because obviously humans are designed to work together in nature. But its more about what you are open to. Tbh, I think that's a mental thing and it can be talked through. I know that less experienced people need more time. and ALSO, honestly, if two people love each other they will find a way to make it work when it comes to intimacy. Even if that sometimes means to compromise on some things. Because true love is not selfish. True love is kind and understanding
I would pick what's behind door number one. I want to have an exclusive relationship that would grow into a real intimacy. Hopefully it would result in marriage.
Oh yea, i agree with that. Intimacy has many levels, and requires a physical connection but also a mental connection, and emotional connection too. thanks for your answer
Is there a reason I wouldn't wait for her? Yes. If she rejected me and said no to being my girlfriend. Or if she was just being really flaky and ghosty.
I think marriage might be in the cards, but it's not exactly my first thought going into it. Though yes if she asked me to wait a while that would be completely understandable.
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