How do I not resent my boyfriend for financial reasons?

[Anonymous]

Last year, my boyfriend and I were living in a home his company provided. We both made decent money. All of a sudden, his boss cut him loose and we had to vacate the property. We stayed with his parents for 3 months.
A few months ago, I closed on a house. Since we aren’t married, it was better that I did that alone.
All the utilities and mortgage is probably close to $2000. And all he can afford to give is $80/week based on his job.
He makes $12/hr and works from 30-40 hours a week. Sometimes he can’t give any money because he overdrafts his account and all his check goes to that.
I know I probably sound selfish, but I don’t know what to think. We’re both supposed to be supporting this household, but lately it doesn’t feel that way.

[Anonymous]

first you did the right thing by putting the house in your name only especially if you aren't married. and second at least he has a job and is making and earning money and has an income. granted it may not be a lot but at least it's money coming in. and on top of it at least it ain't fast food. i've known women who were complete deadbeats worked deadend jobs in fast food and some who were boring as well and some who's parents would of held me back from achieving greatness had i gone out with any of them. off the top of my head i can think of 2 who held dead end fast food jobs and 1 who never held down a job until her parents forced her to. i can think of another who would rather spend her money on drugs and getting high on coke and crack than investing or putting it to rent rather than living on a street and fucking whatever other woman she sees and selling her body for drugs. and i knew a lot of women who were porn stars or complete bums the kind you see at bus stops who are fat and smoke and maybe has 1- 5 kids attached to their ankle. and i knew guys who were like that also. guys who would leach off their mommy's and/or daddy's in their mid 40's and live at home as well and who worked dead end jobs and some who play fucking video games all day long. at least yours is working.

[hellionthesagereborn]

So how much did you support the house hold when you where living in his company provided home? I'm guessing not as much as he was. Yes this is selfish. If he is trying to get things back on track, trying to get money and work hard and work his way up, you deciding that you having to pitch in is a problem, that reflects on you not him. Its one thing if he was just sitting around and not doing what he needed to do, its quite another if he was fired and is now working hard to get back to where he was before.

Let me put it this way, would it be okay for him to think like this about you? If he was making more money then you before, do you think he thought this way about you? If you gained some weight due to an injury, would you find it acceptable for him to resent you for it even if you where trying to get back to the weight you use to be at? The answer is no, you would not find that acceptable so you doing this to him is also not acceptable.

[kyleelyn199723]

Ahhh there’s the difference between a man that will find ways to continue to make that same money, and then there’s your boyfriend that settled. Does he has any intentions on getting a new job , or something on the side?

[Asker]

Yes, he’s always trying to see what’s out there. He applied to a couple dozen places, but this one had the highest pay so far. It has nothing to do with his skill set, but it’s better than nothing.

[kyleelyn199723]

$12 or $13 doesn’t pay the bills though. Why was he capable of making more before?

[Asker]

He wasn’t making too much more before, but we were in the home that his job provided. We didn’t have to pay utilities or anything.

[kyleelyn199723]

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you two are in a place where you should be living together unless you are willing to pay most of the bills. Not sure if that’s where you want to be in life, but yeah 🤷🏻‍♀️

[SupremeWarlord]

I think looking at the future and what your boyfriend is doing in the present can help you with that.

It might just be a temporary thing in his life, people are fired all the time, so why not him? But is he putting an effort to change his "unemployed" status? That way, you can support and not resent him. I'm not saying you should wait forever, but I think it might help in your resentment issues.

Best of luck to you.

[boggboss]

Well ofc it dont because he is not able but welcome to relationships they are not easy decide if ita somthing u can deal with or if u can't

[Asker]

Very true and very simple.

[Avicenna]

It's impossible not to under these circumstances. He should take on a second job and manage his money a lot more responsibly.

[Asker]

He does work nights, sometimes not getting out of work until 7 AM

[Iron_Man]

Do you go into relationships thinking that the guy can really help you out financially especially in these times then you’re in for a rude awakening

[Asker]

Not relationships, but when it comes to a house where you’re both living, yes a certain level of financial expectation is fair.

[Iron_Man]

He got fired from his job now he’s making $12 an hour shit happens. what will you do now leave him because of that? What if the shoe was on the other foot

[Asker]

You’re right, shit does happen. No, I would definitely not want him to leave me. Thank you for your input :)

[Iron_Man]

Good stay together and be strong

[Iron_Man]

👍..

[Yourfriend2021]

If you love him and he's honest , money shouldn't be the problem if he doesn't have much and is working all the time.