How to tell a guy you like him nicely and not scare him away?

[Anonymous]

I am talking with a guy recently I have been liking him for a year!! He is a good guy family oriented etc I truly want to know him more. But I realized our messages are so formal like work related research related school related. I want to imitate and tell him I like him but not this exposed in his face message.. I’m trying to find ways how to let him know I like him ! Can you guys help me 🥺

[caring__1]

You're not getting enough feedback from him to tell him you like him, but that doesn't mean you can tell him what you like about him or what you appreciate about him. Thank him for helping you or for his suggestions. Don't give him positive strokes for his looks. Most guys prefer being noticed for their actions rather than their looks.

If you show appreciation and he doesn't take it from there, then you're not his type, and he's not interested. You can always run your interest by his friends and see if they can offer any suggestions or understanding. If he isn't responding, don't take it personally. It's about the preferences he's discovered works for him and has nothing to do with you or what you have to offer.

[Asker]

Well I can tell more from the story. We are both in medical school and in campus. It’s very very hard we are surviving here. I feel like his eyes and his smile give me a good impression. But maybe it’s not the right time… What we are doing maybe makes him wonder hmm I don’t time ! I’m not sure: I saw him today he was speaking with a guy I was with my friend I was walking and he gave me this sweet smile like” I saw you “

[Asker]

But it’s true that he isn’t initiating much though I can’t lie about that , maybe my signs are simply kind so he is reciprocating kind too!

[Asker]

But I already gave him a chance I said hi to him first , I messaged him first. I think I will stop now , we have to work together in this so he can take the next step

[caring__1]

I'm sure you realize how competitive and stressful med school is. He could be focusing on his education and sees a relationship as complicating his life. Just be his friend without expecting more. When things slow down, he may appreciate you stuck by him through one of the most stressful times in his life. Something may happen in the future, but don't let your desires get in the way of your education. Keep your priorities straight if you want to see the results you are seeking.

[caring__1]

I put relationships on hold during grad school, so I can relate to what he's dealing with, though what I did wasn't anywhere as intense as med school. Be patient and don't take anything personally.

[Asker]

That’s true thank you so much! I think I have to focus in my education I have been wasting and spending my time and life with.. since my 20s are gone now I’m 30!! I will try and not ruin what I have with him and if it’s just messaging. Maybe in the future we never know it might work out. I just want to finish this year. But somehow what you are saying makes sense. I need to focus on what I started first.

[caring__1]

Best wishes during this challenging undertaking. I hope all goes well.

[genericname85]

you won't scare him. if it's not mutual, it will get a little awkward either way. you really can't mess that up, cause if it is mutual, he won't change his mind cause you told him.

[Anonymous]

During the conversation ask him if he likes to take a walk at the park later there go with the flow and see where things will go. Usually when a guy like you he will take the step ,

[Asker]

What if let’s say the guy Is shy? They will still take the step no matter what?

[Opinion Owner]

It's been a year so if he has the desire to out with you he must take a step even if he's shy , if he's into you I think by now be must take a step ahead I'm not sure if he's super shy. The only way is drop the park idea and observe his response in my opinion don't put high expectations

[Asker]

Oh no I have been liking him for a year I recently starting talking to him. We were in school last year and due to covid we all went home

[Asker]

Yeah makes sense!! You are right

[Asker]

Thank you 🥺

[Anonymous]

Why would a guy be scared if a girl tells him this?

[Asker]

Because I have realized when I’m direct with guys it either doesn’t work out his curiosity is gone or it works for some time but he loses interest. I feel like it’s better when a guy tells me he likes me. I’m scared to say it direct because he might think I’m easy

[Opinion Owner]

So is this the reason girls never show interest in men or even act uninterested even if they like the guy?

[Asker]

Maybe it’s wired to us I’m
Not sure. But in general I’m scared to be direct because we know that if we are direct a man loses interest quicker. I don’t know ugh.

[Asker]

I asked such a question days ago only 2 girls replied they told me not to chase the guy and let him court me

[Opinion Owner]

Wouldn't a man feel that way too... if he is direct towards a girl she'll assume he's flirty , is hitting on her , doing it to get sex from her and that he's a pervert?

[Asker]

But I’m realizing with this guy he messages me back but it’s very monotone and formal meaning he is kind to me but isn’t going anywhere maybe because he doesn’t know I like him?

[Asker]

Yes when a man asks right away he can be a player

[Asker]

Well I might see where it goes for some time. If he doesn’t show much interest then I will forget him… it means he isn’t interested.

[Opinion Owner]

What if he's shy guy and hence doesn't express it or show interest?

[Asker]

He doesn’t seem shy. Also I did the first step I was the one to initiate saying hi to him also message him… so my assumption is that I’m giving him a chance to ask me make? He can be shy , but he doesn’t seem very shy. I might be wrong.
I’m worried to tell him first. What if he thinks I’m easy?

[Opinion Owner]

He can... he might not... who knows what's his mindset!!
by the way as a female do you like when a guy takes initiative to come up to you to say Hi/Hello and strike a conversation or it seems creepy and perv?

[Asker]

I I like it when a guy starts initiates first and says hello. I won’t think it’s a pervert not at all !! And yes start a conversation too it’s totally ok.

[Opinion Owner]

And how would you feel about a guy ( suppose at work place/ college etc) who doesn't ever greets u or neer talks to you at all , totally ignored your presence?

[Asker]

I will think he is not interested or he is a player wants to see how I react

[Opinion Owner]

He's just a co-worker... so obviously he's not sexually or romantically interested...
But why assume he's a player?

[Opinion Owner]

Would you try to greet him or strike a conversation with such a guy?

[Asker]

It doesn’t mean anything co worker or not! I would greet him or do a conversation only if the guy is somehow close to me , like sitting next to me. Well basically if he is close to me. Or if I’m walking and he is walking in front of me. But I won’t never- ever let’s say walk across a room to follow the guy and talk to him.

[Opinion Owner]

So you / a woman won't greet / pass a friendly smile or talk to him nicely about work or related to work if he's isn't showing closeness... or he doesn't sit next to you/her?
If he feels shy / odd sitting next to a woman then even she won't?

[Asker]

Yes of course why would a women chase a guy miles away to talk to him. They both have to work together. A guy says hi or shows some signs than the girl finds her way and if she wants to she can talk to you. But for sure you have to give a sign a hi or be close to her anything even a smile works

[Asker]

The guy I messaged for example the one I’m asking ,, his face became red when he saw me and then he said hi to me once… also last year in a project he was sitting next to me. So it was easy for me to go and say hi to him bc “ oh it’s the guys who set next to me “

[Asker]

And that’s by i gave him a try said hi to him even message him …. And now he isn’t really showing much imitation that’s why I think a girls shouldn’t initiate all the time bc the guy thinks it’s a closed deal

[Asker]

Initiation *

[Anonymous]

You don't beat around the bush.
You tell him in full clarity.
If he doesn't like you or is intimidated whatsoever, then you move on. Weak men can't handle women, who know who and what they want. It's a win-win.

[In_Trance]

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