Am I Wrong For this?

[Petermorgan34]

My girlfriend (She is aware of my struggles) and I are going to Grand Forks in a few weeks on vacation. The second day we (or I if she doesn’t want to go out) will be visiting some old memories (college bars from when I was at UND) that my first ex girlfriend will possibly be at. I am hoping to run into my ex and talk or see what happens (kind of a come hell or high waters moment sort of speak) as I have been struggling with getting past her for the last 3 years. I want to have one last conversation/encounter to get past her. But at the same time I dont know if I can trust myself around her if she still had feelings for me. Basically I an in a damned if I do damned if I dont situation

[tatianamay]

You do not deserve your girlfriend. No offense to you. If you still have feelings for your ex then why did you get together with your current partner in the first place? So what do YOU want? What do you want to do? Do you want closure? Or do you want to get together with your ex?

[Petermorgan34]

I thank you for your opinion and I agree with you that I do not deserve her and I thought that from the beginning because honestly she is great. The problem was when we first got together I did not have this issue it has become apparent to me recently (like I was unaware that i wasn't over my ex until recently) and I have told her this as I LOVE MY GIRLFREIND and this whole thing has caused me great mental stress. The truth of the matter is I know I shouldn’t be with my ex and dont have feelings for her and just want closure but at the same time I dont trust myself to say no and be a bigger person and walk away if things went awry

[tatianamay]

If you are not over your ex, then how can you be in love with your girlfriend? It simply does not make any sense. There is no such thing as closure. Something happened between you and your ex and you broke up, so that's it man. Leave it at that. If things go south, and lets say you cheat on your girlfriend, you just jeopardized your relationship with your girlfriend. If you are sure that nothing would happen and you don't have any feelings for your ex, then maybe you can go and talk to her. But honestly? Tell your girlfriend all this before you go talk to the ex. How would you feel if your girlfriend goes behind your back to meet her ex, when she's still not over him? If you have feelings for your ex, tell your girlfriend, if you want closure, also tell your girlfriend. What do you mean by you don't trust yourself to say no and then walk away?

[Petermorgan34]

I have told my girlfriend about this already and am in no way going behind her back becuase I told her if I saw her again that I would seek answers for my own mental well-being. What I mean by not over her is how it ended because it was out of the blue like I want to know why exactly why becuase the circumstances surrounding it fucked me up fundamentally at the core and it has messed me up not knowing and I try to get better every day and I am lucky my girlfriend wants me to heal. I ONLY HAVE FEELINGS FOR MY GIRLFRIEND, but I dont trust drunk me or sober me infact to make correct decisions based on past relationships and the fact that I have always struggled with commitment/abandonment since my ex left me only to screw my best friend after the fact when he was so fucked up he couldn’t have possibly know what was going on around him at the time (We all lived in the same dorm)

[tatianamay]

Fuck, that was one heck of a roller coaster even for me. Anyway, if you want closure for your mental well-being, then maybe arrange a meeting with your ex in a PUBLIC PLACE. Don't drink alcohol! And sorry that your ex did that to you. Both your best friend and your ex are assholes. Hope you cut off ties with them. All the best, man! Hope everything goes well. Update and let me know how it went :)