How do I get my mom to let me go visit my boyfriend?

[Bgurl2_0]

So, I'm in a long distance relationship (any criticism against me being in one WILL be deleted and reported) and him and I have been together for a year and five months. I have been talking to my boyfriend about going to see him and I have brought up the subject a couple of times to my mom. I had let her know before having the official discussion that I wanted to talk to her about it, so she wasn't super upset when I told her (my mom is kind of controlling and still treats me like a kid even though I'm 26 years old). So, she didn't exactly say no, she just said I had to wait until COVID had died down because it is apparently getting worse in the US (I live in Canada and my boyfriend lives in the US ). The thing is, I have both of my shots and my boyfriend and his family hardly ever go out, and when they do (even though his state doesn't demand them to wear masks anymore) they wear masks just incase.

And I know that some of you will say "well, why doesn't he go visit you first". It's because right now he doesn't have his passport and he's kind of hesitant to fly because he's scared of heights. I have also travelled a lot more than he has. He's never travelled outside of the US before. I travelled to the US, Mexico, and Portugal. So I know what to expect when traveling. I just don't know how to convince my mom to let me go see him. I wanted to go see him this month, but because of my mom, I had to push the date back to November around US's Thanksgiving time (Canada's Thanksgiving is near the beginning of October). I just don't know how else to convince her. I told her I would give her all of the information she needed and that I would video chat her every night to let her know I was ok. I just don't know how else to convince her. How should I convince her to let me go?

[DonkeyDan]

I think this would be a perfect opportunity for you to stand up to her at 26 and prove to her you are capable of making your own decisions. If you let her continue to control you you'll never be free of her control. Take a stand, after all it is your life not hers.

[Bgurl2_0]

Thank you. Coming from someone in her age-range means a lot to me. She's one year away from being 50 and to hear it from someone else in their 40s means a lot because it means that I'm not the crazy one. Lol. :P

[DonkeyDan]

You are definitely not the crazy one, she need to understand that you are very much an adult.

[hhadeshatesme]

I think if you don’t live under your moms roof then her opinion on you going shouldn’t matter. Like you said your 26, grown adult. I think her main concern will be your safety which is understandable. I think if you do go you should constantly check in with someone and share your location with a family member or friends. I’m all for long distance but being in completely new surroundings with people your just meeting in person regardless of how well you know him/them you should still be cautious

[Bgurl2_0]

Yes, I definitely understand, which is why I did say to her that I would be giving her all of the information she needed beforehand. His address, my flight number and airline I'm flying with, when I'm going, when I'm coming back, what time I leaving and landing, what airport I'm landing into and all of that. It is also why I wanna figure out how I can get data on my plan so I can video chat her when I land in the airport, when I'm in the Uber, and when I've arrived at his house. And to constantly check in with her as well. Like, when I'm going out to eat or do something and stuff.

[Bgurl2_0]

And it is because I KNOW that they'll be scared of me going by myself BECAUSE of my intellectual disability. They're also scared I may get convinced into something that I don't wanna do and get myself into trouble, which is why I need to make sure I have data on my plan, which is something I will also talk to my mom about as well, getting data put onto my plan so that she'll know where I am at all times.

[pillingsadness]

You're 26
You're an adult smh
At your age, you shouldn't need your parents' permission to do anything

[Bgurl2_0]

Yes, I agree. It is a bad habit that I need to get out of because I have been conditioned to believe that I will always need permission from my parents to do what I need to do. This is because of my mild intellectual disability. But the thing is, it is SOOOOOOO mild that no one can tell I even have a disability. The only person that might make me feel safe to bite the bullet and just go may be my best friend's mother because she seems to be ok with me going (she is like a second mom to me because I have been in her daughters life for almost twelve years now). And I honestly had a nightmare about biting the bullet and heading out to the airport to go visit him and mom finding out about it and her getting so mad at me, it felt like as if I did something illegal in the dream even though I didn't, I was just doing what I wanted to do - which was go visit my boyfriend. I need to gain the confidence to stand up to her and tell her that I am an adult with the right to my own decision making and if I wanna go visit my boyfriend, I will. I have even done the research I needed to in order to be able to go visit him. I need a negative COVID test done, which is around $100 something, then the cheapest tickets to go are around $500 to $600 and an Uber to drive over to his place is around $80 because he lives almost on hour away from the airport, and I did try to get flights to the airport that's closer to him, but flights don't go to that airport for some reason. Then, I checked travel insurance as well and that came up to around $100 something as well. So, I've done the research that I needed and I also plan on buying safety gear that is legal to use to defend myself. So, it's not like I'm going into this blindly, I've been researching this information for a couple of months now.

[Jlegacy]

Personally, I think you should obey your mom. You don't know what it means to have a kid. Especially in this post Covid era. No parent want to lose their kids. She is looking out for your best interest and it seems to me that you are focused on something sexual and not just social and that also would be why she wouldn't want you to go.

Best approach is to let her have her way. It would actually show her that you are not a child anymore and this would be good for your next request.

[Bgurl2_0]

Again, I am 26 years old and have experienced traveling before. I've been to the US, Mexico, and Portugal. So, I know what's to be expected, which is why I feel so comfortable and confident going. And I have been obeying my mom for many years. I get yelled at, never get my voice heard, and when I do get the chance to have my voice heard, she brushes me off and makes me think that I'm crazy. I don't get to cook meals in my own house, I don't get to do my own laundry and I get ridiculed every day for just living my life. The fact that my mom wants to control another aspect of my life is toxic, in my opinion. And I understand that my mom wants to keep me safe especially with what's going on right now, but the more she denies me from a life I wanna live, the more she pushes me away to the point she will not be allowed in my life. And I REALLY don't wanna have to shut her out of my life. But what's a girl to do when her mom is that controlling and yells at her own daughter instead of listening to what she has to say?

[Jlegacy]

All mothers are controlling. Some are even evil, doing it for evil agendas like mine but it is wise to obey them nonetheless. The only person that can override a parent's instruction is God and if God isn't the one telling you to do it, obey them. It is for your own good.

[Bgurl2_0]

So, be trapped in a one-sided mother/daughter relationship so that I can later become so depressed I become apart of the suicide statistic? o. O

[Jlegacy]

Sometimes mothers demand the most painful thing momentarily and when we don't obey, we find ourselves with regrets.

All I am saying is you should give her this one and explain to her why you want to. That it is not for sex. So when the next one comes up, she would trust you more.

[Bgurl2_0]

Sir, I know you live in the 1950s, but I don't. I live in the 2020s, and in the 2020s, children who have become adults are allowed to make their own life decisions, even if they live under their mother's roof. All they have to do is just tell them where they're going. As a 26 year old, I shouldn't have to ask for permission to go see my boyfriend. All I was doing was just letting her know and she turned into me needing to ask her permission to go. So sir, get out of the 1950s and into the present. That mindset you portray has changed.

[Jlegacy]

So sorry. I understand you a lot better now. I live in Africa and things are quite different over here and I'm also religious too so I agree with the bible that says we ought to obey parents in all things unless God says otherwise.

I wish you the best though. Ain't judging or condemning you. Just trying to resolve it in a way that you still have relationship with your mom and minimal regret.

[Rob70]

You are 26yrs old so in reality you do not need her permission. I respect that you would like for her to be OK with it but in the end it's your decision. I think that you explained it well on here and need to tell her the same information. You are more experienced in travel and that you feel comfortable with the situation. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

https://youtu.be/bS3O5zg290k

You live with your mom yeah that's quite common these days. If she is a yenta (she will never stop nagging you) oh boy, I can see why U want a boyfriend across in a different land. Try to make friends and his neighborhood so if you need backup you have it other than that I don't know what to tell you it's tough out here.

[dudeinohio]

Go see him. You are an adult. Assert your self. Tell her you are going and there will be no further discussion on the topic

[TrgZila]

(any criticism against me being in one WILL be deleted and reported) What bothers me is the people who read that novel after that line.

[Bgurl2_0]

What do you mean?

[DarkWinterNights]

Right? I lost any interest in providing an opinion after that.

[Bgurl2_0]

I’m sorry you “lost interest” but my question isn’t meant for you to have a chance to criticize my decision in being in a long distance relationship. The question is about how I’d get my mom to let me go see my boyfriend. If I wanted to see what people thought about long distance relationships, I would’ve asked an entirely different question.

[ChrisMaster69]

You are 26, be an adult and do what you want.

[Bgurl2_0]

Thank you. A guy is telling me to obey my mom just because she's my mom. I'm like boi... look at how many people did that and committed suicide because of it. Lol. :P

[Anonymous]

I bet he was the one who asked you out and pursued you

[Bgurl2_0]

Yes, he was. Why does that matter, though?

[Opinion Owner]

I've always hated and resented that it's the guys role

[yofuknutz]

There's not much he could do about it as far as I know Canada is not letting people in I think letting people out but then you can't come back in it's a real mess with this immigration stop status right now

[Bgurl2_0]

Sir, I never forced him to pursue me. He wanted to because he liked me. After a week or two of us talking, I developed feelings for him and told him that I wanted to date him, so we started dating. And let me tell you something. I tried to pursue a guy before, and it DID NOT work. Why? Guys don't like to be chased! Let me repeat that: guys don't like to be chased! If a girl chases after a guy, it gives the guy leeway to use the girl and hurt her because he KNOWS that she likes him. So it has nothing to do with the fact that the guys always have to pursue the girls, it's when a girl tries to pursue a guy, it gives the guy leeway to use and hurt the girl. So, it's a good thing that my boyfriend pursued me instead of me pursuing him. It's sad that the world is like that, but it's the truth.

[Opinion Owner]

I've heard that before unfortunately

[yofuknutz]

It could be true but if the girl never says nothing she'll never know and that's a frightening thing in life.

[JustinTimberlegs]

Take your mum with you

[yofuknutz]

That's not a bad idea although could scare the guy off then again it could work is a real risky strategy. To the lady that started this post maybe you should do another vote another post should I bring my mom with me or leave her behind?

[noohair]

What is the age of consent in Canada?

[Bgurl2_0]

Why does the age of consent matter in this situation? I'm 26 and he's 27. We're a year apart and well-passed the age of consent.

[yofuknutz]

To answer the Knuckleheads question it's either 14 or 16 it's one of those numbers look up Wikipedia Mister no hair