How traumatic is it for your first love experience to be negative?

[CelineBV]

If your first love (also your first time) turned out to be a cheater or bad person how traumatic is that?
How long does it take the normal person to recover from that and believe in love again?

This is on behalf of my male co-worker. He just found out his girlfriend and first love ever (the one he planned to proposed on Christmas) had an affair with his childhood friend and is carrying his child. His girlfriend was also his childhood playmate. The 3 of them met in grade school. For him this is a huge blow he can't get over.

Updates

+1 y

He met both of those backstabbers as kids. All of them were 7 year-olds at the time. All of them lived blocks nearby, grew up together and went to the grade, middle and high school.

[Caramalkisses23]

Hahahaha, my first love was a cold stone cheater. And what’s sad about first loves is that for the person Falling in love- there are no limits. U fall deep and give your all. Because u don’t know better. You automatically assume that things can work and it’s going to be a happily ever after. For me, the heartbreak made me smarter and wiser. It wasn’t traumatic because I’m surrounded by people who are happily in love. I think if I didn’t have positive relationships growing up- then I would not believe in happy love and it would have traumatized me. Honestly, It just made me think that he wasn’t raised in a positive home and he didn’t have people around him to teach him how to be a good man. Which I was right. His mother and sister’s praised him for being a player- and all of them were dealing with men just like him. #Cheaters. Honestly, he didn't think anything was wrong with his actions. He told me that is was natural for men to cheat. He loved me but he thought that I was supposed to love him and deal with his behavior. Not happening.

Anyways, to answer the question- it can be traumatic for some. But depending on ur attachments growing up- it can just be a “first love, move on- next” type of situation.

[Caramalkisses23]

Also- I think your friend will move on quick if he doesn’t dwell on what happen. I think people who take a long time healing after a traumatic relationship- they have a hard time because they don’t know how to accept it and dwell on what could have went right. The faster u accept that u had no control over their actions and u were not the reason, the quicker you’ll heal and move on.

[lonestar_01]

Very. If it's constantly repeated as well, e. g. everyone you've been with has been toxic, narcissistic, cheated, manipulated, insulted you etc. it has negative mental consequences. With guys this is how some players and serial non-monogamists are made, as they believe, as they have experienced in the relationship and dating world, that people will hurt them and not bat an eyelid, so they in turn adopt that logic and way of thinking after sometime. People treated them as an object, so they in turn eat others similarly; this is a very dark path to go down though and will leave you if you repent feeling awful. It can have the opposite effect and turn someone completely off of the idea of having a relationship at all, as what is the point? It can also lead to mental illnesses, such as depression, anxiety, fuel malevolent OCD, paranoid delusions. Sometimes sexual frustration and lack of any positive nourishing environment can lead to things such as psychopathy or sociopathy, again this is a dark path to go down and one that you cannot undo.

Most people however, can either move on from it or let it turn them bitter and hate the idea of relationships. We all have a choice, however I definitely believe that some people definitely have more choices than others

[Wester1967]

It's an imprint. 9 times out of 10 it's permanent. My 1st girlfriend was a psycho cheater. She dumped me in the nastiest way possible, like I was scum and garbage and toilet paper. I'm still trying to deal with that level of BS. Massive hit to self confidence. Cratered self esteem. Thinking something was wrong with me. All was her psychological projection. She ended up a single mom now on her 3rd miserable marriage to a super simp who is paying for another guy's kid. He mom died of a heart attack 6 years after she screwed me over. Karma is real. But the fking imprint doesn't leave unless you do years of therapy and self work.

[TwinkleLily5]

Mine was very traumatic it took me two years to get over all of the emotional damage he made me feel. I finally moved on but he just kept coming back throughout the years (we never physically got back together) but every time he popped back up those same emotions came about of being emotionally hurt by him.

[Anonymous]

More than a matter of if it's the first, I would say it's more important what age the person was when it happened.

Most people have their first relationship around highschool, so like 13-16 years old.
At that vulnerable age, a lot of things can really feel "life changing" or "traumatic". In those cases, a first partner being a cheater can really mold a bad opinion about relationships in general.

If you had your first partner in your 20s, I don't really think it would have that big of an impact other than the suffering people have from, you know, the fact that they have been cheated on.

Having it happening constantly or having it happening at an early age I think matters more than if it's your first relationship or not.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Incredibly traumatic. I still 8 years later have moments where I just want to break down over what happened. I'm thankful I'm in a loving relationship now, I still struggle with bottling emotions up and anxiety around confrontation but I am working on it and my partner is incredibly patient with me and helps me out a lot.

[Ke_vin]

I had liked only one girl and she too my phone one day and took my cousin number and other guys numbers and was talking to them more than she talk to me she was also secting with them and they told me they were sexting my girl and I stopped talking to I serve all ties with her and we were now planing to have a baby but it ended and since then it very hard for me to try to talk to a female even the good ones

[Blackcupcake]

hmmm I’d say maybe it’s an individual thing? some people would probably need more time to recover than others… and some wouldn’t be as deeply affected as others to a point where they completely stop believing in love…

[Albino010]

In this case, really effing traumatic, I wouldn't be surprised if he never dated again or only dated someone else after a decade.

[chocolatecoloredeyes]

Well very few people end up marrying their first love lol so most of the time it ends in heartbreak 💔
That’s life

[DizzyDesii]

It was a jacked up situation but i still easily trust the next person until they give me a reason not to

[Anonymous]

My first, they lied and cheated and gave me an life long std. I’m terrified to ever get close to anyone again, why on earth would someone want me now I’m tainted. Even when someone seems genuine, watch out!

[exitseven]

I can imagine it could be devastating, especially how you describe it. I have had girls stick it to me before but that takes the cake,

[DaveJord]

I think traumatic is a over used word. Nothing traumatic about it, but its very disappointing.

[pleasestopthis]

Trauma: Very intense emotional shock or impression caused by some negative fact or event that produces a lasting impression on the subconscious of a person that cannot or takes time to overcome.

[Moose304]

I was 24, when my girl cheated on me. That was 39 years ago. I have never been able to trust since!

[pleasestopthis]

Very traumatic. Someone who doesn't have prior romantic experiences will probably have a very hard time trusting or becoming that vulnerable again.

[scooogy]

I'm 30 years old and single while my first love has two kids meanwhile and is happily married. I've been her second, fourth, sixth and eighth "first love".

[FilmGuy93]

Not very... bumps and bruises are all part of the learning process

[Cheechee4me]

It
Can be very traumatic at first. Time softens though.

[Anonymous]

I just hit up my ex from 15 years ago, who I thought would have almost forgotten about me. Is now saying our relationship had a massive negative long lasting effect on her.

[Anonymous]

My first time I had sex I got chlamydia since he cheated and I stupidly let him not use a condom since I was on bc at 17 and I trusted him. At 25 that still bothers me when I think about it …..

[koolbrz]

You won't truly put your guard down ever. In other word, you will not love the same

[Anonymous]

I've never had a love experience.