Why do some certain people shut their partner out emotionally during an argument or disagreement?

[Red_Dawn123]

Why do people, In my experience women, shut down emotionally in the middle of an argument? Why do they hang up the phone in frustration when I try to talk to them about the issues at hand? This is from a “inside a committed relationship” point of view.

[Diodoro]

Personal opinion, that behavior largely has to do with the amount of buy in she has with you.

A girl who loves you will be fiercely loyal and very much wanting to make up with you even when she's angry. She wants you to have the fight so she knows you actually care

Like in my entire life i can think of one girl who gave me the silent treatment and it was a relationship I was kinda checked out in. Considered ending it for at least 2 weeks by that point

Wouldn't be surprised if she considered ending it as well. We argued, she gave me the silent treatment. I was upset but I wasn't super bothered by it.

Considering we broke up shortly after that, my personal opinion. Tgat vhavior happens when a girl is comfortable with the idea of things ending. She's angry and thinking if things then did she would have another guy rather than you.

What she should be thinking, "I'm mad, but I want to work it out". If she feels that way she's not going to be shutting you out. Silent treatment or whatever

[Leonharted]

I don't argue over the phone or text. If I have a problem, I come to them and discuss it with them in person and in private. But sometimes the argument just isn't worth winning, so I'll give in, because its easier to do whatever it is she wants than it is to deal with the fallout of winning said argument.

[Red_Dawn123]

In person in best. Call me old-fashioned. Sighs. No partners should have to “give in” to their partner. Compromise where you can, but where you can’t, don’t. Comprising goes both ways. The worst thing is where they even refuse to listen to you because it’s not what they want to hear.

[lilyanony1]

I'm here to learn. When I was with my ex partner this is something I used to complain about. I'd present something to him, he preferred over the phone. But he didn't say anything sometimes I'd get the "oh, you don't know what you're talking about crap!"
But what I did get was him asking me if I was done. Then he'd hang up,
Days later he'd text like everything was back to normal.
And if just be like wtf!
Then say a similar situation presented itself what he would do is snap at me or punish me again with silent treatment for not having done things the way he wanted.
You know as he decided and concluded in those days without me, without discussing with me.

It was a fucking minefield with him!

[Red_Dawn123]

Wow…that sounds…terrible. He sounds toxic. Some gaslighting mixed with some overall selfishness on his part. He sounds like he was pretty immature for a relationship. I’d say you dodged a bullet with him. Don’t worry. You’ll find someone way better. Someone that knows how to be an adult in a relationship.

[lilyanony1]

100% it was a definite learning opportunity for me. What not to be involved with again. Just wish I realised sooner.

[lilyanony1]

Thanks for mho x

[Ez-Bri-Z]

A few reasons I would imagine.

¹ avoiding direct conflict. Its not that we can't throw down, but some of us just learn to avoid conflict and either endure silently or use a less direct approach.
² communication issues. We feel like we aren't being heard. Guys tend to listen to logic and words at base value when there are other things being communicated along with it. When we feel our words aren't being valued some of us will just shut down because we don't see a point in continuing.

[Beautyforeverybody]

I am guilty of that. I specially did that in my teen years with my friends, family and romantic partners. For me, it was an act of escaping from the drama and the chaos and I really needed to calm myself down. 5 mins into an argument , I’d start to get frusturated and cry out of anger. Unfortuneately, when I was 18 I blocked my best friend after a stupid online argument and we didn’t talk for months after that. Thankfully we fixed things because we both cared for each other but I still think of the days I could share with her instead of acting like our friendship never existed.


Now I am getting better though, I am learning ways to calm myself down and communicate instead of just leaving

[Red_Dawn123]

That’s good to hear. At least you’re trying to improve yourself. A-lot of people with those kinda issues simply won’t take responsibility for themselves.

[paradiseonearth93]

Women? I don't know I experienced this with men too. I think avoidant personality types do this. Sometimes it’s too much for them and they view it as the healthy way. I recently was with someone who I had disagreements that were, in my opinion, easy to communicate but he just blocked me everywhere in the heat of the moment because it felt like an attack just trying to communicate. Like his brain got overheated, I don't know. I wasn’t being mean or anything but I don’t think he’s mentally equipped to deal with it. Everyone is different and some people handle situations differently. But in my experience it’s mostly men because men struggle with handling emotions more than women do.

[Red_Dawn123]

Sometimes we do struggle with our emotions. I was just saying that I’ve only seen it with women because I’ve only ever dated women. I can believe there are many men that have trouble understanding the difference between open communication and a personal attack.

[paradiseonearth93]

Yeah that makes sense. I haven’t dated women so I don’t know what they’re like lol. But yeah it’s a struggle I never knew would be such a struggle… to me openness is so easy but for others it’s terrifying.

[devilish-cutie]

In my expereince most people do it to me so i dubt its a gender thing
are you and extrovert? perhaps more energetic as well?
It may be too much, especially to introverts. You got to figure out how the other person ticks, obviously not as you. And when you figure that out, you got a figure out can you be w someone like that or not.

[Red_Dawn123]

We were both introverts. Her a little less than myself. But I’m very direct with someone I trust. I can communicate really well. Or at least talk to them freely. We had the same energy.

[devilish-cutie]

Well than its either immaturity, her not knowing what she wants or she doesn't want to tell you offensive things that are true...

[Red_Dawn123]

Women know what they want most of the time. In my experience when they say “I don’t know what I want” is their way of saying, I just know I don’t want to be with you anymore. Again, Just my experience.

[devilish-cutie]

they may be unsure about you if they settle and things like that. But i more count on this one: she doesn't want to tell you offensive things that are true...

[Raidernation01]

Stubbornness. Insecurity. Depends on different variables. Mostly I find people have a real problem admitting to themselves that they've done something wrong. And sometimes shutting the other person off is the only way to avoid hearing criticism about yourself.

[Red_Dawn123]

Or they do it to keep some sense of “control”

[Raidernation01]

Right, it could be a control thing. Depends on a lot of stuff.

[normalice]

They probably get the sense that their partner is not trying to understand them but rather is only trying to be understood.

[Red_Dawn123]

Perhaps. When both parties feel heard and understood it facilitates trust and bonding.

[Anonymous]

Could be a couple of reasons. It could be the style of argument that is going on at the moment and they need to avoid the argument until another time when it is more civil. So it depends on the circumstances.

[Heartache0405]

Probably because they give up and want to just move on from it because things are going nowhere. And they don’t want to be frustrated.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

It's a power play, they want to see you grovel and apologize and beg for forgiveness.

[Red_Dawn123]

They’re gonna be waiting for a while then. Lmao.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

Both men and women do it. I think psychology. com has a recent article about the types of people who use that tactic, and it's not kind to them lol.

[WindAtMyBack]

Because sometimes it just ain't worth it. That's especially true when arguing about stupid shit.

[EaterPeter]

Please know Dr. John Gottmans four horsemen of apocalypse

[Red_Dawn123]

What?

[EaterPeter]

Google it that's where you might find answer to your question. Who is shutting who? You shutting someone or someone shutting you?

[EaterPeter]

Four different things can happen. Contempt, criticism, stone walling and

[Red_Dawn123]

Defensiveness.

[EaterPeter]

There you go

[captain_voidwalker]

Because you bitches are irrational when running on high emotions, you need to go calm down first then we can talk it out

[Iron_Man]

Lousy communicators probably will end up separated sooner or later

[cloud9vortex1234]

They can't handle the pressure and they haven't learned to deal with feeling uncomfortable.

[Alwayreckles93]

She is trying to call for your attention.

[Red_Dawn123]

What do you mean? If she want’s my attention, she probably shouldn’t hang up on me in Frustration or give me the silent treatment. Now she’s definitely not getting any attention from me.

[Alwayreckles93]

I don't know if realized but woman were dramatic.

[Red_Dawn123]

Lmao. Yes, Yes they are.

[howhigh420]

She's not nesecerly asking for attention not all women are like that they do it sometimes cause some guys dont take any intrest in her feelings or they can't get it through there head what she's saying to him

[MelonSoda]

They're an immature pussyyy

[sheikalana]

They are immature or passive aggressive.

[Subarugirl]

It's a self defense mechanism.

[emperor90]

Because they are annoyed

[Red_Dawn123]

Seems petty childish on their part, no?

[emperor90]

Yeah true

[Lovesims3plumbob]

Immature

[jahaims]

Immature