Should I give him a child for his sake?

[Anonymous]

I have something to admit. I've lied to my boyfriend of 3 years about wanting kids. He started the conversation about that. I didn't.
I knew he would've probably broken up if I said "I never want kids". We have other things in common and he's great in every way except the kids part. I just didn't want to lose him. I want to keep this special, unique guy. He's been bringing the topic again a couple times lately.
I'm willing to make an exception: to give him a child. I would happily give him partially or full custody. So for his sake, is it ok to give him a child?

Updates

+1 y

Or perhaps I'll naturally bond with the baby in the end. In case I still don't want to deal with 100% responsibility I'll give him the custody myself.

[Anonymous]

He’s not looking to be given a child. A child is not a gift. He wants to have children with you. Start a family together. Give him full custody when you’re going to be a couple and a family? What’s the point? You do realize that by having a child with him you will be a mom and have to raise this child as well. You obviously don’t want to be a parent so no. Confess your stupid, egoistical, evil lies today and tell him you don’t want kids, so he can stop wasting his time on you and instead find someone else who does want all of that with him.

[kyleelyn199723]

You are putting yourself in a position where you can be very neglectful to your future child because you didn’t want one in the first place. That comes with jail charges, being involved in court, breaking up with your boyfriend/ even divorce if you ever get married etc. is all that worth it for this guy? Why not stay true to yourself and find someone that matches you on not wanting kids? That’s unfair to your boyfriend as well.

[Coolj]

Facts 💯

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker I am relating to you on a basis of not wanting kids. You are not just going to grow a magical love for that kid. You have to naturally love kids in the first place and like the idea of wanting a kid. You don’t even want kids right now and they aren’t even born yet. You have no kid burning up your wallet, you have no kids causing trouble that day, you have no kid you have to feed yet, you have no kid you have to pay bills for, you have no kid you need to pick up from school yet, you have no kid taking up your time from other things , you have no kid yet taking up your time with your boyfriend yet. You are basing how you feel off the sole fact that you don’t have that yet, and in order to love a child you need to be able to put all those negative factors to the side. So yes, you are setting yourself up to be a neglectful future mother

[888theGreat]

so your relationship is built on lies and deception? When he finally figures this all out , and you have ruined his chances for having kids , do you think he is going to stay with you a day longer?

[slatyb]

No, it’s not. You would be using the child as a means to an end. If you don’t want children, be honest about it. If he leaves the relationship you can meet a man who also doesn’t want children.

[Asker]

Yeah he's going to leave if I tell him the truth. I'm gonna lose him and the good relationship I have with his family. They're gonna then all think I wasted his time.

[slatyb]

If you’ve been lying about wanting children all this time, they would be correct.

[PeachJuice]

No, you shouldn't. Tell him the truth. If he really loves you, he'll be able to respect your decision and you two can possibly come to a compromise. If he gets mad and breaks up with you over this, then well, oh well. You can always find a guy who may not want kids just like you. Better to just be honest than to give in and have a kid you know you don't want.

[Asker]

He's going to break up if I tell him the truth. I'm going to lose a special guy, a great relationship as well as the good bonding with his family. I'm gonna lose it all.

[JCrockett]

Tell him the truth, apologize for being such a despicable liar, and leave so he can get on with his life.

[Asker]

Then I have to face possibly getting hated by his family too. Those folks like me and think we're the perfect soulmate.
He's really special and I always felt secured in this relationship; that's the reason I've kept him.
He's going to break up once I tell him the truth. It's not going to be easy.

[JCrockett]

Yeah, of course they're going to hate you. Who wouldn't? But that's the bed you've made for yourself, so get to it. Don't hurt anyone further by wasting their time.

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker perfect soulmates meanwhile you lied about something that will make or break someone even getting past the talking stage with someone

[EmmaMary]

You are pathetic... Please, please, please DO NOT bring a child into the world.

[jasco]

well this is a first for me actually. I have never heard of a women doing this but huh talk to him about it first.

[Wise4myage]

No hell no. That's fucked up.

[jahaims]

Troll or mentally ill?

[In_Trance]

do what's right for you

[LegendaryIcon]

Please do