Is it normal to still feel the emotional/mental effects of physical abuse from your partner even if they haven’t hit you in a months or weeks?

[Anonymous]

[Buntyp]

If you are in a situation where you still have to live with someone who's been hitting you, you need to get out there as soon as possible.
It sounds like you have a mix of PTSD and straight-up Stockholm Syndrome going on. Talk to someone, get to a safe place somehow. Do it now, while you have the opportunity, because that kind of person who would do that is not in any way reliable. You need to get yourself into safety, urgently. Do it before the next time happens. Please!!

[Asker]

I just feel like me giving him yet another chance, it would make me look like a bad guy to forgive him, start to come back around sometimes to just disappear on him and go ghost. For some reason I just feel like I owe him something, when I know I don’t, but I feel that way. I feel like if I for once choose myself over him, get the help I need, stop jumping when he says jump, end things with him, I would hurt him but at the same time he’s hurt me plenty of times and a lot worse so why do I care about him being hurt over me doing the right thing for myself and leaving? Despite how I feel about him.

[Buntyp]

I don't want you to feel hurt by these words because they are meant to try to get you to change your situation before this ass mistreats you anymore. You are not taking care of yourself. You are letting this miserable piece of crap mess with your head and it is very obviously totally messing with your self-esteem, as well as your ability to think for yourself.
It doesn't matter what his schedule is, it doesn't matter what he's doing with whoever however. What matters is that you are falling deeper and deeper down a hole that will take years to climb out of and learn to be free and independent. You need to find yourself a therapist. You are being abused and it's at the point where you are willingly submitting to being abused. This relationship will not end well. You need to take action and get some help. Please stop making excuses and stand up for yourself.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Yep, unfortunately it’s fairly normal.

[Phoenix98]

Probably I mean that kind of trauma doesn’t just go away. It’s gonna have long term affects on you even if they haven’t done anything to you in a while.

[Asker]

I don’t know. I figured since it hasn’t happened in about four months, likely due to the fact I don’t come around as often anymore. I try to keep myself busy and I work. I just want to be safe because I fear if I spend time with him, even just a hour, that that’s all it’ll take for him to be violent toward me again but I still figured it meant he may have changed and his temper isn’t so bad anymore and small things no longer push his buttons and because I thought this I figured the effects it had on me, memories, not being able to sleep, closing my eyes and seeing those dreadful moments again, flinching, anxiety etc I thought all that would go away.

[Phoenix98]

They’ll go away eventually though getting some help or someone to talk to would help expedite that.

[Buntyp]

The only way that they effects of all of this will lessen and your sense of safety and health will improve is if you get the hell away from that bastard. Violent people do not get better or become suddenly non-violent because they are addicted to that behavior and are compelled to control others. You need to get away and stay away from this person, and get some help with the attitude that's leading you to think that this is in any way normal. It's hurting you bad enough now, and it can only get worse if you don't start giving a shit about yourself and not this low-life piece of crap.

[Agape93]

Yeap. I still feel it years later.

[FilmGuy93]

I would think so, yeah...

[jahaims]

Yeah, that's called trauma