If your abuser hasn’t hit you in a few days/weeks, is it safe to say they’re changing? Should you still leave? Will their past abuse still haunt you?

[Anonymous]

[OlderAndWiser]

If they haven't hit you in a few days, it just means that they don't hit you every day. Is there any reason to think that it won't happen again, other than perhaps wishful feelings?

[ChrisMaster69]

No it’s not safe to assume.

yes you need to leave them

yes you will have a level of PTSD depending on level of physical and emotional abuse, also how long it was for etc.

Short version, leave now, get counselling soonest.

[Pistolpete90]

Nope. You're in either the honeymoon stage or tension building. He hasn't changed, it's just your relationship is in the cycle. He'll do it again.
If I was you I'd get out.

[Anonymous]

No, a few weeks/days is nowhere near long enough to get rid of traits that he’s spent his whole life developing. You’d be better served leaving him and staying away.

[KaylaLay]

Agreed, when I was 21 and in a physically abusive relationship that lasted a year because I believed that whenever he took a break from hitting me that our relationship was improving when all it really meant was I hadn’t did anything that he deemed bad enough to strike me and sure enough the cycle started back up when I let my guard down and led myself to believe he was changing. I even left town once to get away from him but stayed in contact with him the entire time I was gone and let him make me believe that since I left it made him see his wrongs and that he would be a changed man when I returned, so I went back and I had only been back for a week or so and he had already slapped me, broke my glasses, strangled me to where I blacked out and even wanted brownie points for choosing to strangle me rather than punch me. He felt that alone was improvement and It took me forever to see I didn’t deserve that treatment and that he would never change and was satisfied with the way he was. I learned to choose myself despite how much I thought I loved him, I hope you (OP) will do the same and save yourself. Not everyone is so lucky to make it out alive.

[Opinion Owner]

Omg!! I’m so glad that you made it out, that’s an absolute nightmare! I personally wasn’t in this situation but my cousin was this way to his girlfriend. She keeps thinking that he’ll change and I’ve fought with both of them over this: with him because he didn’t feel like I was being good family and having his back, then with her because I was so frustrated that she wouldn’t leave. It was so hard to mentally remove myself from that situation but I realized I couldn’t force her to leave, she had to get to that point on her own.

[KaylaLay]

Yea, that sucks too. The abuser and the one being abused sometimes don’t realize how it affects their loved ones as well being on the outside looking in. You want to help but unless the one being abused actually wants out, it’s not much you can do because until they’re tired and fed up with the abuse, you can tell them to leave and try to talk sense into them until you’re blue in the face but until they see the wrong in what’s being done to them it’s nothing you can do but hope and pray they make it out alive when they do decide to leave and I can imagine it may be worse for the loved ones of the one who is the abuser. They love that person but they also know what they’re doing is not only wrong but a crime and you don’t want to get involved because it

[KaylaLay]

could be dangerous for you getting involved in a domestic dispute but you’re still human so you don’t want to sit and watch or hear it happen and you also don’t want to see your loved one locked up and put away but you know that’s what they deserve and with you being there loved one you probably know the reason to why they’re such a violent person but you also don’t use that to justify their actions. I was put in situations where he would be violent with me with his mom and sister home and I knew they would I hear it. I knew they heard heard cries for him to stop and sometimes me even fighting back but that did nothing because he’s still a guy and I’m not the biggest person in the world and like I said I never expected them to get involved because domestic disputes are dangerous but it was toxic and

[KaylaLay]

unsafe for me because not only was I being abused but I was also around his family who if things were to go bad and he killed me, with them being his family, they’ll hide it and be on his side and I’m gone missing for months until my body is found and I know that sounds crazy but that thought was what got me to leave for good because though over the top, it was very possible in my situation and it also got embarrassing for me to even see their faces knowing I knew what they knew and I knew for sure they were judging me for still staying and being around.

[tomtom05131]

Don’t let or accept anyone either physically or verbally abusing you. Get away from them. If they won’t leave you alone, go to the authorities. No one deserves to be abused and abusers do not and will not change.

[tomtom05131]

by the way, some abuses my daughter and I will be the last thing they never see.

[Mangospacho]

He’s still an abuser especially if he’s so proud of himself for going an entire week not abusing someone. There’s no going back to a loving relationship so you might as well end it.

[Fireguy17]

it would have to be years, and I still probably not trust them.
no one is worth that.

[noohair]

A abuser learned that behavior as a child and considers it normal and acceptable. Some learn it is deserved. I would get out ASAP.

[Anonymous]

No, they haven't changed. Give it more time and you'll see.
Chances are you'll be waiting for the next triggering event, and living in fear.

[Jamie05rhs]

I wouldn't count on it. I think you should leave anyway. At least get away from them.

[Twalli]

That's how an abuse cycle works. They don't always hit you

[Nazgol]

Yeah exactly

[aprilscott]

Rarely do they change
It would take a lot more time than that.

[ChiPaPa]

No. Get as far away as you can.

[Shihab91]

sure not , barely a year or more

[anylolone]

Nope. Most abuse is sporadic.

[Zoi420]

If they hit you once it should be over.

[Anonymous]

Leave while you can get out!

[Sabretooth]

that always happens.

[FruitMilk]

Leave now!!!