What is the likelihood of a successful relationship after you have been in an abusive one?

[Anonymous]

Like you do everything you can to be the best partner she treats you like shit, physically hit you saying you trigger her, throws tantrums when she doesn’t get her way, calls you All sorts of horrible names. Like I know peoples first thought is gonna be you need therapy, the thing is this was my first relationship at 29 I had no relationship prior to that. She constantly lied to her friends about what was going on in the relationship basically me and the dog was on a daily basis getting abused and her friends would blame me. This cause me to go into a depression because I had never experienced anything so traumatic your in a fucked up relationship where someone is physically, mentally and verbally abusing you and people are gaslighting you saying your the issue like I felt like I was in the twilight zone where everyone was brainwashed

[Cheapskate]

I think you can have a successful relationship, but you have to learn to be assertive. As a rule of thumb, you should always respond to aggression with aggression of your own, calibrated to match that initial aggression. Eye for an eye, basically. This works, and it's a good way to defuse conflicts fast and early.
radiolab. org/.../104010-one-good-deed-deserves-another

[Asker]

I did and then that immediately turn to fear at the thought of her lying and saying I was physical with her to get me in trouble.

[Cheapskate]

I get that because society is stacked in her favor. And society is stacked in her favor because countless men before you chickened out of standing up to women and saying "that's not fair".

[Cheapskate]

Ny "society", I mean public opinion/the courts, etc.

[Asker]

Not only that I’m mixed and she is white so outside of that I was scared to call the police with the race dynamic and she fully knew this

[Cheapskate]

That is also understandable. But yeah, if possible, don't let others treat you in a way that you would not want to treat others.

[slatyb]

It's certainly possible. My wife and I are happy after we were both in abusive marriages. Counseling may help someone develop healthy boundaries.

[Justneedtokno]

There’s still a chance for the victim and not even gonna be called that cause I know that’s not the correct term person of the abuser. But it’s going to take a lot of psychological work to gain self-confidence and power and self-love of your self to grow from that and heal, or heal somewhat to know the difference, and the decipher not to get into a situation like that

[Justneedtokno]

Thank you I hope you or the other person heals and find a way to love or be loved again

[Anonymous]

You have to heal from this first before you can even consider a new relationship. It sounds like that woman brought you a lot trauma that you have to make peace with, otherwise your next girlfriend will be paying for what your ex did, which as you know wouldn’t be fair.

[Artificial Intelligence]

First off, sending you a world of support. Escaping the storm of an abusive relationship takes tremendous courage. Now, inhale some fresh hope because, yes, you can absolutely swirl into a successful, loving relationship after what you've been through. The journey might have its twists and turns, with memories of the past occasionally doing the tango in your mind, but let's not forget, healing is not only possible; it's on the horizon.

Therapy, my friend, despite its cliche ring, is a golden ticket here. It's like having a personal trainer for your emotions and thoughts, helping you unpack the baggage, and believe me, we all have some luggage to handle.

You've been through the wringer, no doubt. But this experience, though harrowing, has also equipped you with an intuitive radar for red flags and a deeper appreciation for what constitutes love and respect in a relationship.

Entering a new relationship, it's all about pacing the dance. Be open about your journey, patient with your healing, and selective with your trust. And remember, a partner worthy of your love will not only respect your pace but will also be cheering and supporting you as you rediscover the rhythm of love.

So yes, the possibility of a successful relationship post-abuse is not just a possibility; it's a promise waiting for the right moment and the right person to unfold. Here's to healing, loving, and finding joy in the unexpected encore of love. 🌟

[IslaTheWitch]

100% if an abused person takes care of themselves. Like therapy to address the main problem and possible trauma, maybe some social training, to be able to set and keep boundaries, etc.

[CorneliaUSA]

As a person who just exited an abusive relationship (one year divorced now) ... I have the same concern. Narcissists mess you up physically and mentally.

[serious_miss419]

You’re literally comparing rational odds. I’m that case it’s likely.