How long is too long to tell a guy how you felt?

[Anonymous]

A guy 15-20 years ago told me how he felt about me (positive). We could not be in relationship then for whatever reason. (Leaving details out to get to the point). I nicely acknowledged him opening up, and didn't really say anything. I wish I had expressed how I felt about him too (positive), but never did. Is it too late?

We still cannot be together, but feel like telling him because 1. it "gets it off my chest", 2. clears the air, and 3. let's him know what he meant to me. We probably run into each other every 5 years or so. I guess its a sense of closure?

Would you think its weird that someone told you how they felt 15-20 later?

[HighlyVolatile]

I'm kind of allergic to these big confessions. They're a bit dramatic for my taste from someone I never even dated. It's heavy and in my blunt opinion a bit selfish to unload such huge feelings on someone who might not be feeling the same way. I prefer to start with, "Hey, how's it going?" Then if we have a nice conversation, we could hang out regularly if I was single and work from there.

[HighlyVolatile]

I've actually had it happen to me once although I didn't have this history you two have. Yet it felt so heavy to me and I wanted to escape. I might have given it a chance if she started out slowly, and we just hung out regularly after, and she let me work up my feelings towards her.

[HighlyVolatile]

At the time I didn't feel that way about her. She was attractive enough to me but it's like I just considered her a friend. So that scared me off. Maybe I could have grown such feelings to her if she started out more slowly. You know, it's like dating someone who wants to get married one month into dating. I get scared away because I'm not feeling the same way yet.

[HighlyVolatile]

Also in the case when it happened to me, it was just a few years at school. Not 15+ years. I think it could be even worse though if it was 15+ years. So how about we just hang out? Maybe I'd rekindle some of these feelings I had. If I had those feelings still, then I'm definitely down to hang out.

[Anonymous]

If he's married just move on. I am married and this happened to me and a friend from 10 years ago, who knew I was interested in her but she didn't want to date at the time. Then years later she wanted to reconnect despite me having a wife and kids. Long story short, her desire to feel loved ironically destroyed the man she loved. Not worth it.

[Asker]

The man she "destroyed" was a guy she was with at the time? Or was that you?

[Opinion Owner]

I liked her years ago. She wanted to reconnect again years later, after I am married with kids. Felt sorry for her. I found out, you cannot be friends with a crush or someone you wanted to date. We were doing things that far exceeded a friendship but i kept telling myself we are just friends. She knew what she was doing. I think women will bide their time because the prospect if feeling loved is better than not being loved at all. By the time I confronted her about it, our relationship damaged my marriage and career. I told her it had to stop because it was hurting me. I said I always liked her but it cannot be and we both gotta let go. She emotionally exploded. So yes, her desire to reconnect destroyed someone who always cared about her.

[Opinion Owner]

Do to answer your question, if he's married or in a committed relationship, let it go. Your desire to tell him how you feel, while noble, will make him feel very confused and severely undermine those around him who love him.

[Asker]

I'm so sorry what happened to you. It brought tears to me by hearing this story.

[Asker]

Your input was helpful. Thank you.

[Opinion Owner]

Im glad it helped. Honestly this experience is one of my lifes greatest tragedies and the very thought of her hurts. I miss her with immense regret.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

It seems kind of pointless to say it if nothing positive will come out of it. You can’t be with him. Plus, it’s a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I would just think she’s a chickenshit. He put himself out there for you, and over a decade later NOW you want to say something?

You’d be using him. You were a coward and now you want to use him to satisfy yourself for your own emotional closure. I would not only think it’s weird, I would find your actions contemptible.

[mobiusforniner]

Yes, that time is past and not worth surfacing a sunken vessel. in the aviator world we say "you is screwed the pooch"

[Pyrofox]

I'd say only go for it if you know for sure he's not taken.

[Pyrofox]

Cause if he's also single he maybe replies. well that took long enough. Guys sometimes can catch onto feelings even if a girl is hiding it.

[Anonymous]

a month