If he's upset I'm waiting till marriage, why did he promised me too much?

[Anonymous]

I've made it clear since Day 1 that I was waiting till marriage. We've been dating since October and for the past 2 months, he's been telling and texting me lots of ''I love you'' and dedicating too many love songs. He's been too affectionate lately that it sounded too real to be true. For some reason I was having certain doubts.

He was making lots of moves and I had to make him stop 3 times. I replied with an ''that's sweet but I'm waiting till marriage remember, don't insist''. He got upset, defensive and the the ''I love you'' texts and songs are now almost nonexistent, he isn't calling every day like before, all of the sudden he has double shifts and he totally changed. He went from affectionate to a guy that sounds like he's on the verge of breaking up.

If he was going to have that reaction just because I'm not giving it up, why date me in the first place? Why did he made all those worthless promises and love dedications?

Updates

+1 y

I have a feeling sex is all he wanted. Otherwise if he loved me as he claimed, this wouldn't change. He would still be spending quality time with me right now.

[Teresa811]

I'm sorry to say that he probably thought he would be able to manipulate you or change your mind. On the bright side, it sounds like you're a pretty smart girl and able to stay true to your values.

Don't let this get your down or start feeling like you won't find a good guy, and don't get into a cycle of rejecting a guy immediately if be brings it up. Guys are guys, and it's self-defeating to cut contact as soon as it happens. I'm celebrating my 4th anniversary with my husband now, and I'm thrilled that we made it work :) maybe I can offer some advice or guidance if you want

[Asker]

I just dumped him. I'm single again. Hopefully the real, family oriented and marriage-minded guy is still out there.

[Teresa811]

He is. They're everywhere. Sometimes it just takes getting to know them or helping them to settle down

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

He seems like the type of guy to try and sweet talk his way into sex, hoping you let your beliefs and guard down… Don’t do it, don’t give in.

[Asker]

I'm breaking up at this moment. I'm already upset that even 4 months of my time got wasted. I'm still keeping myself virgin till marriage.

[Asker]

My gut instinct was telling me that all his sweet talk and the love songs was all too good to be true.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Right there with ya. Trust your gut. I think you’re doing the right thing by staying true to your values.

I’ve been sweet talked, love bombed, and manipulated in a similar way, not for sex though… For a little over a year. It’s just wrong, it hurts, and you feel betrayed.

You’ll find someone better who is willing to respect you and love you more than he ever could.

[Asker]

Yes I know he's out there somewhere. It's hard to find real genuine men.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Yep, tell me about it, lol. It took me forever.

[Anonymous]

Great so how were you making up for the fact that this was a sexless relationship? Cause all I see in the question is "he did this" and "he did that" but nothing about anything you ever did for him

[Asker]

What part of ''I've made it clear I was waiting till marriage since Day 1'' don't you understand? Yes, if someone dates when I tell them that, off course it's going to be a sexless relationship until my wedding. Whoever doesn't like it can take a hike. I'm not here to have my time wasted on worthless seconds of pleasure, only to then get dumped without full commitment. You knew he what he was getting into when dating me.

[Asker]

Is sex is the only single thing a guy loves about me in a relationship then he's a user that never loved me? What about quality time, my personality, being family oriented, my likes, etc.

[Opinion Owner]

Well like i said, you mentioned what he was doing in the relationship, but when i asked what you were doing in the relationship you just went on a rant about him wanting sex. So many women have this tired thinking that if a guy wants sex than that means that he just wants is sex and nothing else. Like the concept of loving someone for who they are inside and wanting to have sex with them can't mutually exist

[Cuminginside]

Is interesting how the conversation stops you brought this it's a two-way street scenario you see how the thought process shuts down. And the funny thing is you got selected as the most helpful guy if that's not funny I don't know what that is good job!

[Asker]

No, there can't be sex if I'm telling a guy from the beginning that I'm waiting till marriage. If he can't love me for who I am and wait till marriage, he's not worth my time.
@Cuminginside I didn't select him.

[Opinion Owner]

I can't help but notice you've been unable to provide any info at all about anything you bring to this relationship =/

Its probably in the best interest of both of you for y'all to go your separate ways. And remember, relationships are a two way street

[dreamstar72]

He wanted something he couldn’t have and after he found out he couldn’t have want he wanted he no longer wanted it. Yes weird

[Asker]

He's been dumped now. I'm single again.

[Cuminginside]

Look my profile picture says it all and there's a lot of competition that's clearly demonstrating here on the internet I'm not saying give it up but at the other person showing all the work and there's no incentive sooner or later somebody's going to cash out but if your gut instincts were telling you to stay away from this guy or not giving him any kind of Interest maybe you saved yourself some heartache who knows.

[Asker]

I used to pay for a couple dates too. It wasn't just him paying for every single date. I was helping out splitting the bill. I helped cleaned the house once when his mother was sick. On my spare time, I like going to the gym and running around the park. If those aren't other incentives, not being materialistic, be a good listener, help others in need and staying in fit... then he's wasn't worth my time. Quality time isn't just about jumping into bed... and what's next afterward, there is a lot more than just something that'll only last a few minutes or so. I'm saving that till marriage.

[Cuminginside]

Sounds like old-style courtship it actually is useful but if the other person doesn't understand what's going on and yes they are going to get bored

[dustybiker]

Stand behind your beliefs. You want someone who respects and protects you, makes you feel safe. I would let this one go.

[Asker]

yeah my gut instinct was right. All his love dedications and his overly affectionate manners before... in my mind I thought that was all too good to be true.
I'm glad to have not fallen for that old trick guys like him do, make the girl fall in love so she can give it up, make the girl love him without him ever marrying her. In other words, wasting the our time. I'm dumping him at this moment.

[dustybiker]

Sorry you had to go through that. He’s going to be pissed. Don’t let that get to you. He had fair warning. Your man is out there.

[sheikalana]

because many men will say and do anything to get into your panties.

[driven159]

because he was hoping he could break you down and give in

[Asker]

I've just dumped the user. I can't afford to have my time wasted.

[driven159]

good girl proud of you

[Anonymous]

He thought he could convince you otherwise.

[Asker]

So basically I missed nothing. My gut feeling that this was all too good to be true was right. I've just escaped a lying, lovebomber wasting more of my time. That's still 4 months of time waste I'll never get back.

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like it. Being a virgin waiting for marriage is tough. Lots of people willing to waste our time trying to get stuff for their own personal gain.

[Asker]

Yes too many will say anything to have our time wasted. I've dumped the user. Here I go again, back to being single. It's hard to find real family oriented, marriage-minded guys.

[Cuminginside]

I'm sure he feels the same way 4 months he'll never get back.

[Asker]

@Cuminginside What part of ''I'm waiting till marriage'' doesn't he understands? That means that even if he's being romantic and promising the moon and stars... that means nothing if he can't respect my values.

[Asker]

@Cuminginside I didn't waste anyone's time. He knew what he was getting into when I told him that from the start.

[Cuminginside]

Well it's very clear on what he did what did you do?