Do you guys think my boyfriend is an asshole, should I leave him? what would you do or say?

[angell222]

hi! my boyfriend and I got into a petty argument which was my fault but he was saying he is sick of petty arguments with me and he admitted he is vengeful, he said "you fuck with me, I'm going to fuck with you so much worse, you shoot me, I blow up your tank" he tried to express his frustration and I understood, he said let's just drop it so I did and changed the subject. he immediately says "why are you shrugging it off" like mf you just TOLD me to. Then a few mins later he is explaining more how he feels about arguing etc which is ironic since he admit he likes to argue on and on and make the other person miserable for revenge, and I am engaging in what he's saying, asking how he feels etc and he said I should have just dropped it like are you kidding I tried to do that and you fucking told me I shrugged it off, which is what you initially said you wanted. wtf. then he gets mad and says he is going to get off the phone, unadds me from snap and blocks my number. ask him why, he said because "I know it will get under your skin" what sane, good person does this? his parents are divorced and in my opinion, quite ghetto combative trashy people. maybe that is why he acts like this?
I tried to call him from my blocked number and he said "you just earned yourself 2 days of silence from me" and hung up... is he disgusting, or what? I tried to text him and earlier in the conversation he said I "wasn't taking him serious" because I tried to change the subject but he literally asked me to drop it immediately so I did so he asked me to do something then got mad for it lmao, but when I texted him saying hey I love you relax, please be nice like you don't need to cause drama, he responded with "lol" and the flipping me off emoji. what the fuck is wrong with him?

Updates

+1 y

ALSO he wants to move in and get a place march, he knows i can't go until may when school is done, he expects me to pay half the rent on months im not even living there... am I in the wrong for not doing this until I get there and move in? is it a reasonable request on his part? he has 30k saved up he has way more than me right now

[yucychan]

I would tell you to leave him but will you?
It sounds like during the argument, when he was telling you to just drop it, which you did by changing the subject, he was testing you and didn't actually want you to change the subject. So, I guess that's why he was mad when you actually did shrug it off.

I don't have time for people that are so wishy-washy; say one thing but expect the other party to guess the real meaning of what they really want and then getting mad when others don't act exactly to their wishes. And I guess you don't have time for that either.
If he wants to act like a big baby and avoid you for 2 days, I think you should find a better guy that is mature and one who does not play mind games.

[angell222]

thank you for taking the time for this response, it is very eye opening for me. he has the gaslighting thing where he makes YOU feel like you're in the wrong, and he can do no wrong, very self righteous. who the hell talks to someone like that who is apologizing and trying to do better? you are right. thank you

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Yes he does sound like an asshole and I would definitely break up with him.
The issue is, he seems very explosive during arguments. If he cannot communicate calmly and respectively, then I don’t see how it would work out in the long run.


If you don’t want to break up, just think about this;
Do you want to get married and have kids one day? Imagine life with someone like that and kids are involved. It’s unsafe and unhealthy.

[angell222]

and then he makes it my fault lol like he thinks he is entitled to say whatever he wants when he is mad. also, his mom went to the fucking mental hospital when she was young and we dont know waht for, couldve been something like an eating disorder, depression etc or maybe something crazy like NPD or some mental disorder that is serious and got passed on. you make such a good point, brian laundrie vibes

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I seriously suggest leaving! I was in a similar situation and given any chance to leave, do it. Your life would be miserable if things became more “serious” (marriage, kids, moved in together, etc etc).
I think he has a lot of unresolved issues that needs to be helped with by therapy… But I highly doubt he would do that lol

[angell222]

he would rather die than go to therapy. he has issues that i dont think can be fixed, i think he just comes from a family of actual literal garbage. and his half sister is a stripper. i think his parents fucked him up in life

[angell222]

oh also, he wants to move in together. so the plan was he gets the place in march and i move in around may (that is, it was. a maybe in my mind lol) and he expects me to pay half the rent the months I would not be there, aka march and April. is it unfair of him? why would i pay for an apartment im not living in? is this wrong or selfish on his part or what are your thoughts on that

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Oh good Lord…. Yeah, I definitely think his parents fucking him up is an understatement. It doesn’t make it any better when he isn’t willing to help himself either. Red flag.
Also, yeah no… You’re not living there so why do you need to pay that? It’s wrong for him to expect that of you. It’s fair to expect to pay half if you are indeed living there.

[angell222]

your response helped me more than you may realize, thank you. he has me manipulated into thinking im in the wrong, on everything

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Been there, done that, girl! It took me a while to realize I was being gaslit and manipulated too. You’re very welcome. I hope you get out safely and find someone a lot better!

[justlookin69]

First of all… stop with the petty arguments with guys. We hate that!!!


Secondly, your boyfriend is a psychopath! He pushed it to far!!! Block his damn number and do not associate yourself with him moving forward. At this level, things will get worse. You don’t won’t that for yourself. It’s best to put him behind you and move forward to something better or you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life. Please do not have this man’s baby! It will not fix his issues either! Block him, mentally and physically!

[angell222]

my thoughts as well, it was not cool of me and i genuinely dont do it on purpose like many girls and i am self aware enough to learn to stop doing it, it is dumb. but also he is fucking nuts right

[angell222]

and what was your thought on the rent thing?

[justlookin69]

Yes! He’s nuts! I point back to my original post. Block him!!!

An apartment at this point should not be in discussion. You’re not living with him and he wants you to pay half? He needs you to help him sustain a life style he clearly cannot afford. Leave him or you’ll be wasting your $$$ and your time with him. Find a man that’s better suited for you.

[angell222]

RIGHT! he wants a place together and wants to move out of his dads so i said ok cool, move out, ill even help find the place, and when i move in i will pay half but he thinks i should be paying half even when im not there yet cus its "our" place, like you moron, this isn't a house we are keeping or investing in, i am not there why the fuck would i pay? like we aren't married we dont have one bank account, i think his request is pathetic

[justlookin69]

And please contemplate on this. If his anger and pettiness is at the level it is now, then imagine how it’ll be once you two start living together. He’s shown you who he is. Please believe him and take his word for it, because if you continue to trust him, and accept that he’ll change if he’s ever to say that, then you’re in a world of hurt. If he’s putting you through this type of shit now, then it could escalate to something more domestically dangerous, if I termed that correctly. It’s just a bad idea moving forward to stay involved with him after reading your story.

[angell222]

what is really scary is earlier he was trying to describe how angry he gets over petty arguments and he made an example of "imagine you have this enemy in war are you going to communicate with them or kill them?" and he was relishing it seemed like, in how vengeful he is, because he said if someone comes at me to fight me im going to push them to the ground and choke them out. he was saying he needs to dominate and win fights basically and that he is vengeful, but hm, very violent examples dont you think?

[angell222]

you're a hundred percent right and I needed to hear it, he's a phony and him acting nice is an act. he always does this then the next day he will unblock me and offer me a pathetic "sorry" in this pussy fuckin tone of voice of embarassment, like the fact he thinks this shit is normal is scary, there has to be something wrong in his brain and i can do way better.

[Guy13]

Gaslighting is what you call that and is a flashing light trait for Narcissism. FYI, most Narcissist are quite until they need attention.-And it can be negative or positive as long as he/she get attention. Controlling is the key whether loud or quiet. What, when, how you do and with whom etc…

[angell222]

scary you say that because society tell us women are too dramatic, so when I started to get aware about narcisisism and watch youtube videos and do research, I thought no way maybe im too dramatic because he has galit me to that point. and he isn't even smart enough to know what the word means. he said he is going to ignore me for two days how do I trigegr him? im done being nice lol. would it trigger him more if i ignore him back

[Guy13]

I’m not a professional but I know it is NOT A GAME to him so don’t compete. Insecure narcissist do not like to be challenged as they are insecure. It’s a vicious circle and he will likely demonstrate a strong dislike for it.

One strategy of dealing with Narcissist is Gray stoning You look listen and DO NOT react. Once you do that, he may try to dominate you like a humping dog verbally. No crying or smiling.

Once he finishes dominating you…and you don’t react or take bait, they will usually leave you alone at that point, however, some will get even more nasty. Got to be careful as that can frenzy into violence.

Search gray stoning narcissists for much better explanation please.

[angell222]

wow what a fucking psycopath, your explanation was actually very eye opening. kinda mean of me but hope he gets hit by a car while working today lmao

[Guy13]

Go talk to a professional. My data is existential so it’s not accurate professional knowledge. There’s tons of counselors in school, right❓ Take advantage of them please. I wish I had that resource…this was like 7 years ago. She stalked me too…not fun.

[Seinna]

I think you're just incompatible and toxic towards each other, your personalities clash. He definitely seems to have a problem but it's hard to tell how far you pushed him and at such state people often don't act reasonably. If nothing else, it just seems this relationship has no future so I wouldn't waste time.

[angell222]

I dont think that is it lol i think he has a problem. I haven't done anything wrong, I was quiet and he kept pestering me asking why and I told him its cus of something he brought up before that hurt my feelings we already talked about so I let him know we dont need to revisit it and ill be ok and he blew up. im not toxic towards him at all, and I dont think its valid to say I pushed someone to a point. if someone is gonna act toxic to someone then they will act toxic to them, that is like saying gabby petito drove brian laundrie to choke her out and kill her, thats the position you're taking lol. he has screamed at me to shut the fuck up for no reason before and i responded calmly so i think he would clash with anyone, im realizing he's just very into arguing and to not be around someone like that is best as you said

[Seinna]

I can see how he's aggressive don't get me wrong, but you started by saying you had a petty argument which was your fault and that he likes them. I'm not saying that you are toxic as a person. Some people are always toxic but I've seen first hand when people who weren't compatible were toxic towards each other when they were in a relationship, but completely changed and calmed down when they broke up. I mean at this point you admit that you know that what's going on is not right so I feel there's no point to instigate the situation any more, just leave him and find a better suited partner.

[angell222]

I think you are right and I also understand what you're saying 100 percent, I was also reflecting on my own actions which is why I made the post and what I did was not right like the past should be left in the past but also I think his reactions are quite aggressive. you are very right, no point instigating and some people honestly are committed to misunderstanding or twisting everything you feel or say

[Seinna]

I understand you though, sometimes we need an external motivator or nudge to make such a decision. Break ups are especially tricky but from what you said (and I have your best interest at heart saying it), I believe it's time to part ways. Good luck :)

[Fireguy17]

I think it is time to say good bye.
The sooner the better.
Is this how you like to be treated?
If you do nothing it may only get worse.
No One deserves to be treated like that.

[EnglishEuropean]

He's argumentative but can't deal with conflict. That's a toxic combination and you should dump him without delay.

[angell222]

he sounds psycho does he not? brian laundrie vibes. and very self righteous to say I "earned" being ignored, that part almost made me throw up from how gross of a astatement it is, as if he is some fucking hot shit, he is living in his dad's fucking living room right now delivery driving because he got kicked out of the marine corps for using coke.

[EnglishEuropean]

You get it.

[Hangry06]

He likes drama and fighting. And he seems to be very unstable

[SnakeBoop]

red flags are going.
get rid.

[Anonymous]

Dump him now. He's super angry and childish.

[In_Trance]

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