Is my boyfriend an asshole, and should I leave him? Would love opinions on him as a person based on this?

[Anonymous]

I was at bass pro shop with my boyfriend getting some fishing gear. we were at the counter starting ringing us up, and the cashier asked if we wanted to get a warranty on the reels. My boyfriend said yes, and I asked "do we really need the warranty?" After we got checked out, and began walking away I realized that he wasn't responding to me, just straight up giving me silent treatment. when I said "why are you ignoring me?" he continued ignoring me, advancing ahead of me. He wouldn't talk to me so I tried to gently grab his arm or tap him while saying, "babe what did I do? please talk to me" all the while he looked filled with hatred /rage, completely avoiding eye contact. I tried again, "babe please talk to me" and tried to gently grab onto his arm again (in a non aggressive, trying to link arms softly/get his attention sort of way) and then he lost it and loudly said "HELP! somebody, help! this person is pulling my arm!" this person. As if I am some random fucking stranger, and not his girlfriend.

The second we got outside he yelled "I told you to never fucking question me. You're disgusting." this is moments after he told me to 'stop touching/talking to him and causing a scene'. When we got in the car, he screamed "I TOLD YOU TO NEVER FUCKING QUESTION ME WHY DID YOU QUESTION ME IN FRONT OF THAT GUY YOU PROBABLY LIKE HIM YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT HE WAS HOT YOU MADE ME LOOK BAD IN FRONT OF THAT GUY, LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT IM DOING" I can see how me asking him if we really need the warranty could have been seen as correcting him in front of someone and I dont think it's nice to correct your partner in front of someone at all but it genuinely was not my intent so despite my saying sorry for correcting him I was not trying to do that, trying to explain that I was just trying to be sweet and save us money, apologizing to him--he continued screaming at me, slamming on his brakes in the lot suddenly in order to tell me that I fucked up.

Updates

1 y

Just a heads up, I am not on the lease with him and have my room at my mom's house to go back to whenever I want where I was living up until I moved in w him a week ago (it is 400 miles away in socal but I have the liberty and cash to leave at any given second while he is at work and have been strongly considering it, but his past gaslighting has brought me to a point where he makes me feel like this shit is my fault.

[Flower7]

It seems like this isn’t the first time he’s spoken to you this way because of when he said “I told you to never question me”.

But whether this is the first time or there have been many times before this, you should definitely leave him after this incident.

Personally, I would never even speak to him again…not answer any of his calls, texts, or any other line of communication. He’ll know why you’re gone. It won’t even be something that you need to explain to him or do a formal break-up over. Just let this be the end.

[Asker]

you agree he way over reacted right? to me asking if we really need the warranty. I did not do this in a bitchy tone whatsoever but he blew up so hard at me? I know you must be super busy but if you have time I would appreciate you reading more, my main acct is rachvartannn
he has spoken to me terribly many times, just as you said this is definitely not the first time. at this point my plan is to leave in the next 8 weeks after i save up some money from work so I go back home with more resources, i just moved to norcal with him

[Flower7]

I read your other questions. Just from the pattern alone, it definitely seems like you should get rid of this guy. Nearly every question you’ve asked for the past 3 months has been about a problem with him…day after day.

Try to look at it objectively…if someone you know was telling you these things, what would you say? I’m guessing you’d notice how much focus and stress is going into this guy. And how much he’s taken over her life.

I think your plan sounds very good about using your saved money to go back to your mom’s house. Though I think July is WAY too long to wait. I don’t think you should worry about saving money right now.

Im sure your mom would have patience while you look for a job down there…especially if you explain everything that’s been going on with this guy. She’ll understand that it was an emergency and you might not have much resources to chip in right now.

She would especially be glad that you came back if you tell her about the gun. To me, that’s the scariest part. You’re sleeping in a room with an armed man who not only has an anger problem, but has rage that’s directed toward you specifically.

My suggestion is to leave the next time he goes to work…which is probably tomorrow.

If you’d have a problem with leaving your job without putting in notice, maybe you can stay at an AirBnB for a short time, so you can still be in the area and go to work without quitting so suddenly?

[Asker]

Yeah definitely if anything I’ll wait a few more weeks and leave while he’s at work, he’s even apologized in the past for treating me wrong but not only is he not willing or able to stop but it’s getting worse and I’m done allowing it

[Asker]

If you can please see my most recent

[Anonymous]

Ouch

I get sad just from reading this all.

I see that there is no way for you to help him.
Whether he has a chemical imbalance in the body creating stress, a mental disease, emotional trauma, or spiritual entity possessions or whatever.

It sounds like if you are gonna ask him "how do you feel today babe?" He will scream at you for that and pull his gun out (real gun, not the sexual gun) Won't he?

Like is it that bad, or does he acknowledge that he was wrong for yelling at you?

If you don't feel safe, just leave asap.

But he sounds like a broken person needing real help.

[Asker]

He never apologizes or acknowledges it in his head this was my fault and he’s still mad about me “questioning him”. He only will give me a pathetic half assed muttered “sorry” if I bring up that he did something wrong but then still thinks he’s in the right

[LikeALog]

If he is like that now, it will probably get worse in the future. I think you are in a budding abusive relationship. He has to be in control of the situation, that's why you don't question him. He has an ego that can't be bruised by anyone who thinks he might be wrong.

Red Flag.

[Asker]

I really needed to hear this. Thank you for an intelligent descriptive response and not ridiculing me like some do in sites like this. I really just need confirmation that I’m right about him because I just remember the good times in my head but you agree right, that who someone is in conflict is their true self. Also, if he loses control easily that cannot be safe for me

[Asker]

He also told me his dad used to be physically abusive or intimidating to his mother and they’re divorced, and he said in the past he’d never lay his hands on me but the emotional abuse is just as bad in my opinion. Also he sleeps w a gun in our room cus he’s paranoid of a break in which is a bit much and also I feel like if he can’t regulate his emotions enough to not scream at me over something like that then he must be crazy right

[LikeALog]

My opinion (anecdotal) is he will eventually become physically abusive. If you are living in a safe low crime area, yes, his reaction about the gun is a problem. If he wronged some people and he's fearful of retribution that's a huge red flag for you.

[AssholeNumberOne]

Damn that's hella toxic. If he doesn't change, doesn't apologize, dump him. And make sure to tell someone you love about this so he can't frame you for being the toxic one.

[Asker]

thanks for your input, it made me feel better about it and less alone. I've been with him for over a year (15 months roughly) this is not a one time thing. Sometimes him blowing up on me was not ok of course but understandable cus I was doing something annoying but he even screams in his car at other cars even one time saying he wanted to "stab a driver in the fucking neck" because they cut him off. I get that some road rage, but it's constant and it's extreme so he is just generally an angry and vengeful person and has admitted before he has a short fuse and said "that's just the way I am" and in this case he said "you ruined the whole weekend, it's your fault".

[AssholeNumberOne]

You're welcome. What I'm on this website for

[mark000h]

You need to leave him ASAP. He's a horribly controlling and abusive SOB.
RUN!!!

[Asker]

He also told me his dad used to be physically abusive or intimidating to his mother and they’re divorced, and he said in the past he’d never lay his hands on me but the emotional abuse is just as bad in my opinion. Also he sleeps w a gun in our room cus he’s paranoid of a break in which is a bit much and also I feel like if he can’t regulate his emotions enough to not scream at me over something like that then he must be crazy right

[mark000h]

Leave him or he might use it on you one day. He sounds dangerously unstable.

[Asker]

I was thinking of doing it in a few weeks while he’s at work one day, good plan? I was supposed to go visit my family just before the Fourth of July anyways, and I just got here to NorCal and want to save up money from work

[jammcm]

Time to move on. He has an anger issue and you don't need that. It might even help him in the long run to realize he needs to work on his anger.

[Anonymous]

Are you really confused as to whether or not he's an asshole?

[Opinion Owner]

@AssholeNumberOne

She disagreed with you.

[Jamie05rhs]

YES, HE IS! (And MORE!)

LEAVE him NOW!! 😱😱🙏🙏

[Jessicajones4]

He’s controlling there was no reason for him to yell at you like that say goodbye

[Asker]

I was honestly stunned. shocked.

[exitseven]

dump this guy. he has issues.