Why is my boyfriend such an asshole?

[Anonymous]

Seriously why? It’s like he loves to piss me off and get mad for no reason. Playing mind games... ignoring calls, making me chase him, getting jealous all the time... and blames his ex cheating for making him this way? HIS EX FROM 10 YEARS AGO. He calls me names and says things he knows makes me upset. Things from my past that were traumatic. I have tried helping him but I am so tired.

[dumbquestions]

First of all you are not the problem, he is. He seems very insecure and manipulative af based off what you said. So Captain Dildacorn seems like he is hung up on the past and he wants you to think that you are the problem when you are not. This is a form of emotional abuse. From girl to girl I hope you find an ounce of courage to talk to someone. You deserve more, so much more. This isn't healthy and you have been patient with him from the sounds of it. Sometimes I stop to ask myself why are some men so cruel? It’s all about neediness. He needs you to admire and approve of him, but hates himself for what ever reasons thus resulting him to be toxic with you.

[Asker]

Thanks. I know I seem like an idiot here. He acts like a complete ass and then sounds so sorry and “changes” for a while and it’s how I remember him. It’s almost like who I fell in love with was non existent, all fake. And my head knows that but my stupid heart is a little slow to accept. I don’t deserve it and I don’t want to wait to see how it escalates. I will talk to someone thanks again.

[dumbquestions]

Girl you are the least of stupid. I know a lot of other people are like get out while you still can which is true; but its hard when you are so emotionally invested in him and peeps can't wrap their head around that. I know its really scary to let go; and maybe you can't envision yourself with out him right now at this moment in time but it seems he has things to work out on his own from his frustrations, his anger, whatever it is. None of this should be taken out on you. It hurts like hell yes, but honestly you will feel free once it is ended as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. YASSS girl you need all the support; I hope the best for you.

[Xenia667]

Because he is toxic and abusive. Leave.

[Stockton]

The real question ypu should be asking is why would a woman such as yourself put up with that kind of shit. Now to answer your question. He acts that way because he is an asshole. Its like when some people get drunk they are dicks, its not because they are drunk its because they are dicks. Kick that piece of crap to the curb and find a guy who wakes up in the morning and asks himself "how can i put a smile on my girls face".

[Asker]

That’s exactly right. He always seems to blame me for it to the point I question myself. Have to stop believing his bs. He is just an ass and won’t change so time for me to move on. Thanks

[ausmaster]

If you're trying to help and he's not trying with making excuses, leave. If he's doing a "I'm traumatized" while doing an "accept me for who I am", then don't tollerate his bullshit. Let him get a bitchy girl if he wants to be a bitch.

[Asker]

That’s exactly what he does. Makes excuses for his bad attitude. He had a bad day, his ex cheated, he is broken, it’s cold outside... whatever works that day. I have tried for a long time being patient telling him I understand he went through stuff, but now I feel like a punching bag.

[ausmaster]

Now here's the difference between your situation and mine. My girlfriend had severe depression and has OCD with anxiety. I dealt with the brunt of it for the first year. She said from the beginning she did not like her depression and needed help with it. I saw her try one step at a time. Its going to be our 2 year anniversary on the 1st. I am still with her despite almost feeling like throwing myself at a wall at times is because I see her want to be better and see her try constantly. I suggest things to her that might help and she tries them. And I am very proud of what she is today. She is not like your boyfriend where progress is never a goal, she wants it.

[AuroraRoseat]

Why are you still with him is my question?

If he still has personal hang-ups, that's a red-flag and tells me that he is nowhere near ready to pursue another relationship. It isn't fair for the woman to take on his baggage.

Unless... if you're a Fixer. Do you typically take men in that are this way, fix them with their issues, and tire of them or they leave you once they're better?

Anyway, his ex could have potentially damaged him to where he is so bitter. (There are people on here that are evidence of that). But he could also be using it as an excuse to be immature and cruel. Either way, I wouldn't tolerate it. Dump him--you can find a man who will treat you respectfully.

[Asker]

No I’m not a fixer I’ve never been with anyone so angry all the time. See in the beginning it was fine.. completely normal. Then about a year in he started being over critical of me and making it seem like I’m not good enough and I had to continue to prove I am not like others. He says all women are whores. I don’t know it’s like he took a dark turn and I feel like maybe this really is how he is? And maybe he got comfortable enough to stop pretending.
It’s heartbreaking and I’m constantly questioning myself. I just wish I knew if it’s really anything I can help him with or if I should let it go. I’m tired.

[AuroraRoseat]

Okay then, yeah that's how I feel. He'll act like the "good" boyfriend until it's been long enough for his mask to fall. You didn't do anything wrong--he decided to lie and put this on you. You could ask him to talk to his ex and get some closure so that he could move on. It seems like he's unwilling to let go of her cheating.

And I would reiterate that you haven't cheated on him (which I'm assuming you haven't) so you don't deserve to be lumped in with what some women do to men.

[jimbojimbo]

Here is a solution for you, dump the asshole. You suck ass long enough, you end up choking on shit. Don't stay with someone just cause you are scared being single again. You might actually enjoy being single.

[jimbojimbo]

This guy has emotional baggage, nothing cute about emotional baggage. His ex girlfriend cheated on him. Oh please spare him the victim mentality, that you owe it to him, to fix his sad little heart. You have a pansy man of a boyfriend. Tell him to get one huge life. Sorry but what a loser.

[unkqty]

b/c he wants you to be his ex. indulge him. life is too short to spend it with assholes.

[naijagurl]

I don’t understand why you’d put up with that kind of behavior. Break up with him.

[kvn01]

If it pisses you off then tell him so, I don't know what you truly enjoy in your relationship, seems like nothing

[Duvet]

Why are you together?

[YHL6965]

The real question is : why are you still with him in the first place?

[sarahhcmarie]

wtf break up with him. damn.

[ZELLxoxo]

He's living in the past. Leave him

[Anonymous]

He sounds toxic I wouldn’t waste my time

[Wifflesnoofer63]

Obviously you like and attract that type of guy.

[Mudak]

Cause you're a pushover

[BonnieBunny]

Break up with him!!!

[Danielleo]

then leave?