Help my dad doesn’t want me to get married and move out until I graduate college and he wants to talk to my boyfriend?

[xJayleenx]

I told him that I’m working so hard to save up to move out and get married to my boyfriend in a year and a year and a half and he told me that I can’t until I graduate college and that he was going to speak to him this isn’t fair because I feel like my parents already chose my whole life for me and my only dream is to get married to my boyfriend and move in with him I also told him that I would continue college. I am really heart broken right now I started crying and completely freaked out when my dad told me that he was going to talk to him I even yelled at him and called him a jerk he was trying to increase the volume on the radio while I was crying. Shouldn’t I be able to choose my own path? It’ll be 3 years of us together next year im really heart broken.

Updates

+1 y

My mom’s against it too I don’t know what to do :(

[Miristheiss]

You can take their advice under consideration but you are of legal age... if you and your fiance want to marry, as long as you both move out of your parental homes and move into a place together as husband and wife there is nothing they can do.

Marry if you want. It says you are 20. I'd guess you might be 21 by the time you marry.
That is totally fine and normal. It is not like you are 15. You are an adult. 20 and 21 year old women have been marrying since the dawn of time.

It is only recently society mandates you must go to college, go to graduate school, get the perfect job lined up... get a year in with the company, save 20,000 dollars... then you can marry by the age of 30.

If career is truly your main purpose in life and your main motivation/priority in life and you live to work instead of working to live then you may want to wait but there is nothing wrong with going to college while you are married. People do it all the time.

[TallAnon]

Lol, I would also tell you to chill and think about that for a good while longer. Moving out is fine, getting married is jumping the shotgun quite a bit. Perhaps think that one over for a bit, maybe live on your own for a while, then together and see what that's like.

[xJayleenx]

You don’t get it the only way for both of us to move out is to get married

[TallAnon]

Why do you think so? I would instantly say that's not true.

[TallAnon]

Once you get a job, you can rent an apartment and move out. No?

[xJayleenx]

According to his family and my family and our views we have to be married to move out thankfully all we have to do is go to court and sign some papers but we want to move out when we’re financially stable then go to Japan and South Korea for our honeymoon

[TallAnon]

You're over 18, so screw that.
However, don't fuck up your life, marriage is something to take slowly.

[TallAnon]

To put this into perspective, I moved out when I was 20, I will soon be 27 and I will take my sweet sweet time considering who I want to marry, likely move in together for a year or two, see how we click.
There's no reason to hurry and no reason not to move out.
If you're going against something your parents want anyway, do the one that doesn't fuck you over for life.

[xJayleenx]

Is waiting 3 years to get married though not enough? I feel like that isn’t rushed at all

[xJayleenx]

3 years of living together

[xJayleenx]

I mean dating 3 years of dating

[TallAnon]

3 years of living together sounds good, yes, aim for that first.

[xJayleenx]

I guess we have different views but I really am looking forward to marriage because we’ll get to go to different countries together for our honey moon 🥰

[TallAnon]

You can also do that while you're not married 😂
My sister has been to 4-5 countries with her boyfriend, bought a house and has a 1 year old baby with him and they're not married!

[xJayleenx]

I wouldn’t want to have a baby without being married

[TallAnon]

That's when I would consider marrying, so that's like in 7 years.. consider that! 😂

[weysally]

its your life, do what you feel is right, but remember this, you make your bed you have to sleep in it

[Gwenhwyfar]

It’s your choice not your parents’ but make sure you guys are able to support yourselves

[varan69]

Listen to your parents, its not like if in a week is the weeding. With all respect u did a tantrum to ur dad when there is nothing done or set yet. So let it slide right now they dont agree fine no problem just keep going and either or, ur boyfriend hasn't even proposed to u yet has he so why break your head. So keep up ur school be someone in life or accomplish/get a degree because college is going to stress u even more. Dont rush and enjoy every single day

[varan69]

Not a good opinion huh sorry

[xJayleenx]

Witt i gave you a like? Lol

[varan69]

Lol sorry ignore the last comment

[exitseven]

I really don't know enough to make a good decision. I have kids and I know that if they wanted to get married while they were still in college I would not be to happy about it either. People change a lot between the age of 18-25. They get different ideas about life and can actually become different people. What if you find that when you liked about this guy now will seem rather silly when you are a little bit older? What if you have a child before you graduate and get a career off the ground?

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

No offense but they must believe in arranged marriage due to religious reasons
also if they refuse to allow you to move out, they can be held for false imprisonment you are 20 years old and will be 21 this August, you are old enough to make your own
decisions no offense to your parents they sound like troubled parents who need to realize they got to let you go. So sorry you are up against this and don't do anything foolishly there is hope. (( hugs ))

[Anonymous]

Your Dad isn't the one getting married so he doesn't make the choices.

It is clearly his duty to advise so you should listen to and consider his opinion and try to understand why he is saying what he is saying but you must make your own choices as you are the one who must live with the consequences of those choices.

[Waldoe]

you are old enough to make your own choices. They are nor in Control you are an Adult... just say "Thank you for your advice, I will keep it in mind when I make a decision, I love you Mom, you're the best" then make your own choices, you are an ADULT... for all of the rest of your life, you will live with these decisions...

[dolemite89]

your only 20 this is one of the few cases u should actually listen to ur parents 😂

[xJayleenx]

It’s not for now but when I’m 21 or 22 I only want to get married so that I could move out with him it’s my only way to move out

[dolemite89]

that is terrible to rush into just for the sake of moving out, u may think ur the exception to the rule but ur probably not 🤷‍♂️ getting married that young rarely works out for people

[xJayleenx]

But by then it’ll be 3 years since we’ve been together I don’t feel like that’s rushed at all and we’ll get to travel together too and have kids maybe at 27 around there

[888theGreat]

Is he shopping for a Shot gun or has he been cleaning one?

[xJayleenx]

None

[jasco]

Honestly your parents are right on the get married after college park because college is hard. Focus on your studies so that when your ready you can get married without worry

[MrtoddsWildRide]

Consider yourself lucky. My daughter is forbidden from dating until she is married.

[Deku2009]

So does your mom feel exactly the same way , as your dad. What your boyfriend think V

[Andres77]

You're Latina...

[Andres77]

Just a little while longer.
Plus I fully support your dad making things clear to your boyfriend.
Just my opinion...
You're a doll and your dad doesn't want to see you taken advantage of.
He loves you and wants you happy LONG term

[Andres77]

You're a wonderful young lady.
Dad just wants to protect you.
I'm not saying he's doing it the right way... I just approve of his motive.
I know there are a lot of details I'm missing though.

[xJayleenx]

I don’t know when I’ll finish college I might be 24 when I do and you know the hell I go through with my mom sometimes. My buggest dream is to get to wake up next to him everyday and that’s why I’ve been working so hard to save for us so that we could get married I plan to continue college while being married as well

[xJayleenx]

College is very hard I do not know when I’ll finish it I don’t want to stay living in my house for another 3 years

[xJayleenx]

I need to move out for my mental health

[Andres77]

Fair enough, I forgot about your bully of a Mom.

[xJayleenx]

Amd I can’t afford it alone

[Andres77]

Bit by bit...
How about a two year degree instead of 4?

[xJayleenx]

That’s the thing they also don’t allow me to change my degree last year I wanted to change but they didn’t let me basically they’ve chosen my whole life I don’t even want to be in college

[Andres77]

Ok... that's more than I'm used to with the Latino families I've known

[Andres77]

Who is paying for the college courses?

[xJayleenx]

Im going to have to