What to do when my boyfriend is distant after a fight?

[Samanthamariexo]

This past week me and my boyfriend have been bickering a lot. They are all stupid fights but everything seems to be resolved now. My boyfriend says that everything is fine and that I’m over thinking but it is very clear he’s being distant. He’s texting me the same amount that he normally does, but they are short or one word responses. When I ask nicely what’s on his mind he gets snippy and says nothing is wrong and I’m creating problems in my head, but it’s hard not to when it’s very apparent he lacks desire to have a normal conversation. Is the only way to get him back to talking normal, giving him space? Is it better to wait for him to reach out and act like nothing is wrong, or should I also become distant? I’m not looking to play games with him I just want things to go back to normal.

[caring__1]

Unfortunately, normal means returning to the potential of more bickering. If you don't learn effective communication tools to avoid this destructive pattern, he'll continue to pull away to protect himself.

Space is important, as we don't bounce out of conflict as quickly as we bounce into it, but sweeping things under the rug takes you nowhere. Let him know you'd like to learn effective communication skills with him, and then find a professional who is qualified to share this knowledge with you.

If you want a quality relationship, focus on hearing and understanding the other rather than insist on being heard. Seek clarification, without passing judgment. Let him know you want to see things through his eyes. If either of you don't feel safe, the relationship will diminish over time.

[Quack4]

I’ve gone through the same thing so I totally get what you’re talking about. He might be depressed or trying to deal with his emotions but he probably doesn’t know how. What I’d say is simply tell him how you feel and let him know that you’re there for him and willing to give him the space he needs ( if that’s what he’s wanting to do.) Another thing you can do is just say “ Hey, I see that something’s going on and I’m not sure what to do. I can give you space if that’s what you need…” and just go from there. I also would recommend trying not to use “you” statements because they cause the person to have a sense of guilt.

[caring__1]

"You" statements are statements of fact about the other person, and people who feel insecure in that area often feel threatened by those statements of fact (positive or negative). Good insight on your part.

[boggboss]

All u can do is wait

[Anonymous]

Give him some more time, but not too much.