I believe when we come in a relationship, we commit to the love and promise to love each other only, sex is not actually attached with love. It is just something everyone do with anyone. Girls think guys don't get sexually attracted to others because he's in love with them but (90% of guys) they still do. When sexual attraction can't be love but only lust. Why is that included in cheating. If my partner holds someone's hand and while looking into their eyes say he love them, I'll just hate him, despise him or might leave him, but if he's just having sex with someone, how's that wrong? We aren't just some sex partners or anything, we love each other. Well doesn't mean I do that, I'm virgin and never even desired to have sex with anyone other than my lover! Sometimes I feel I'm asexual but I'm not sure yet as I just never tried. My boyfriend had a lot of women in his life before me, he have had sex with a lot of them. But I don't mind, the only thing that bothers me is the time's he might have held their hand or told them he love them or smiled at them or other things, sex is nowhere in the list. I don't mind that. Although he thinks very differently! He's very possessive for me!
What is cheating? My perspective on it!! Should I change it?
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
There is NOT an “absolute” definition for what “cheating” is — cheating is different for each different couple.
Some couples consider physical acts such as kissing or intimate touching/cuddling of people outside of their relationship to be “cheating”; and other couples consider in-person flirting with anyone outside of the couple’s relationship to be “cheating”; and other couples consider any online flirting (such as sexual chatting/sexting/roleplaying/sending & requesting nudes) with anyone outside of the couple’s relationship to be “cheating.”
And some couples think some or all of the above is ok; and an even smaller subset of couples have partially open or fully open relationships w their SOs, where manual/oral sex or full sex with non-SO people is ok/allowed.
So, what “cheating” is DEPENDS on what each couple allows/does not allow to be done with others outside of the couple’s relationship.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS THIS: A person in a couple who does ANYTHING with someone outside of the couple’s relationship that is “not ok/not allowed” under that couple’s “relationship agreement/understanding” is “cheating” on the other person in the couple.
I agree with you and I never understood why men or women cheat, I mean come on if you want to cheat then just get a divorce because either you are not satisfying her or the other way around. There are tons of ways to spice up your marriage. I had a really good friend of mine who would cheat on his wife all the time and she was a very caring thoughtful person and I pulled him aside one day and asked him why he was doing this I said because you have a beautiful wife at home who cooks for you cleans for you takes care of your son and you do this to her, well he had no answer and the next thing you know I pulled her aside because she knew this was going on and I told her to stand up to him just once and see how good it feels and she did. Then he did it again so when she had the opportunity she had a 1 night stand. Then he caught wind of it and came to me all upset and said, I think Lori had an affair and I said what the hell did you expect and I said so it's alright for you but not her? The words he spoke next I couldn't believe what was coming out of his mouth, he said yes it was ok for him to do it but she can't do that ever. I said who put that pretzel logic shit in your head and he said that is just the way it is. Oh my Lord anyway they got it worked out and right after that he got ALS and passed away in 2007 but she stuck with him till the end. If you think about it it just dosen't make any sense at all in my opinion. sorry for the length
Until you have had the act of sex I don’t know that you can actually speak on it and discount it. Sex with your partner, and someone you care about can be a very intimate, loving, binding act. It can bring you two together closer and make you feel so much deeper for each other. It’s not just about two bodies f’ing and walking away and never seeing each other, ie a one night stand or not feeling anything, that is different. But even then, that act can be very hot, steamy, passionate and sexual and mean something. Until you have been that intimate with another person you cannot brush off the act of sex!
cheating may seem like just a very simple act. but good sex is an act that will make you feel very intimate with someone, especially if you have sex with the same person over and over again. After sex, people tend to have a deeper level of emotional connection than before.
And what potentially happen is: if you get too addicted to good sex with your mistress, you will no longer crave your wife's sex. And the number 1 reason for why people have sex with people outside the relationship is : BAD SEX or LACK OF INTIMACY
He is being possessive because he knows you are a virgin right? Because what men doesn't want to be with someone who hasn't been sexual with someone. I say be very careful
And I only say that because I wish I would have waited until marriage to have sex. It would have been better than with guys who never ended up committing and less heartbreaks plus I would have also known who was in it for the long run and not just for my body
Thankyou so much, even I've told him, in advance that if he want such a thing he'll have to wait until marriage. I don't know if I'll be able to follow my rules untill then I may break it someday maybe, but I've to set the rules and boundaries at least!
I really hope you stick through your rules. Plus if he really loves you he will respect your wishes and wait until marriage and if he doesn’t than that means you weren’t as important for him to wait on it. Sex is wonderful but with marriage and commitment. Could also get an std if he was with a lot of women in the past. You seem like a great person with a good head on their shoulders. I hope everything goes well :)
1) You are not asexual, you are just a normal girl 2) Men could have $x with plenty of women without any love or connection and still enjoy it without any regret. It is better than masterbating anyway. Women have action regret, men have inaction regret (when both of you planned to have sex and you back off he would get inaction regret , when you have $x with plenty of women, you might have inaction regret)
3) Men has to acquire massive wealth or top seduction skill to have $x with many women. Any unemployed, unattractive, short, fat or any women could have $x with could have $x with massive number of men, she just needs a V and a female body. Women are born with value, men must create value. When you have more body, you have less value in the mind of men. Your boyfriend won't be able to love you , if he think you are a public property instead of his private property. Men are like dogs we are territorial in nature. We don't care about those who belong to the street. We might use them , but will not take them seriously. In your case you said you are a virgin it means you are a high value women. Its is very easy for women to have $x with many strange men , but keeping virginity takes dedication. What is easy don't have have much value compared to what is hard. In your bfs case since he is able to attract many women without have $x with them , he is a high value man. He has certain high value qualities that you abd other women found intresting. It is hard for men to even lose virginity, he did better than most
4) cheating is bad however you sugarcoat it. You should be honest in relationship. There is nothing wrong with open relationship, there should be honesty and communication.
There is a correction, "What is easy don't have have much value compared to what is hard. In your bfs case since he is able to attract many women and also have $x with them , he is a high value man"
The definition of cheating or infidelity is dependent on the expectations of your relationship
If you have an open relationship then it's not cheating if your partner sleeps with someone else If you have a polygamist relationship then that means that you or your partner are sleeping with multiple people but those people are also considered part of the relationship and thus does not count as cheating However with monogamy it's one partner and nobody else is involved sexually otherwise it would be cheating
So basically it depends on what kind of relationship you have is what decides what is and is not cheating It's also not cheating if your partner agrees to it as well so you can have a monogamist relationship but if your husband decides to bring in another girl and you agree with that then it's also not cheating because both partners agreed to it
More or less it's not cheating as long as long all partners agree
See the thing is most people don't compartmentalize like that. I do. But a lot of people don't. For me, I know I can't satisfy a female in every area of her life between emotional, financial, mental stimulation, interests, hobbies, or even 110% sexually. Why? Cuz I ain't it. Some women have higher sex drives. And I got stuff I gots to do. So yeah, I believe sexually or even in any area, if she ain't 110% satisfied, I'd encourage having an open relationship. Monagomy is outdated. It's really only been around for about a century when it became the "standard" in 1st world countries. But to each their own.
Where are they hypocrite gag incel who cuckshamed will smith?
It is disgusting. Hypocritical manwhores may have many sdts. Men usually expect from women to care of birthcontrol. In my opinion irresponsible to date such trash that may infect your potential kids etc.
Why do gag incels expect from women to be a cuck but also dont want them to have male friends, social media, girls night out etc? Whatever
So you will never have sex with your boyfriend? Would sleep around too if you were not asexual
You don't have any kind of experience with sex and intimacy to know how important it is to a relationship. You can define cheating how you want, but until you understand what it is that you're wanting and what you're talking about, you will always believe what you're saying.
You can find someone attractive and not be sexually attracted to them at all. You're being delusional at this point
Just keep in mind whatever you believe you attract. If you truly believe love is exclusive from sex you will only ever be in contact with those who believe the same. If you want love you have to make the sacrifice and have faith of you'll abandon the possibility if you disregard it.
Sex is a form of intimacy. What you consider telling someone sweet things (like i love you, or cuddling with them) as a form of cheating, many do this with sex.
If you believe that sex is just a physical act, then you must find someone who shares the same views as you. This will be difficult but worth it
Cheating is when one part of the relationships, oversteps the agreement of the relationship - if it be a mono, poly or a open relationship. The individuals in the relationship, set the rules, the boundaries - what is acceptable and what is not.
My friend has two rules: use protection & they're supposed to know about her - she got cheated on.
It is whatever it is to you... whatever crosses your boundaries and hurts you. There is not rule book that declares action 1 is cheating but action 2 is ok. All the acts that fall under cheating may vary from person to person. Bottom line, if your mate is hurt by it and feels it is cheating... and you do it... it is cheating. They may break up with you or the relationship may be damaged whether you think it should be permissible or not.
I'll admit, sexual attraction and love are two separate things, I believe in that too. But having sex with someone can be and expression of love, not just lust. If you are ok with your partner having sex with other people, regardless of how they express themselves through sex with other people, you're one of those rare people who's ok with being in an open relationship. Not many can do that. I dislike that sex has become so normalized that a high body count is considered a virtue.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
This is exactly the dynamic that I have with my girlfriend. Love is so much more than sex, and no amount of empty fucking could possibly compare to what we have together. I think this is more common than people realize, and I think the world would be a healthier place if we could compartmentalize like this.
it may sound crude, but sometimes a guy just needs to drain his balls, and it doesn't mean anything. I don't even remember the names of the people I do it with.
is the love of your life constantly fucking girls hotter than you, behind your back, really the type of relationship that you want for the rest of your life? there is a reason why he's fucking other women, because you're not attractive enough or not good enough for him in bed.
Sure, your love for this woman of yours may be deep, but lets say you fuck a million other women for another 10 years, don't you think you're gonna encounter many other women that are more worthy of your love? Imagine finding someone who you're not only attracted to physically, able to amazing sex with but you're also emotionally attracted to her.
and the fact that you're willing to cheat on her even when you knew she's against it, shows that you do not respect your wife or care about how she feels.
@CallmeTheKnight nah it's actually great. You'd do it too if you could.
As for Shay I can't even understand what you're saying. Girls hotter than me? I'm a dude.
She's slept with other people too. And I get bored with having sex with the same person over and over again. There's a reason people watch so much porn in relationships. Accept it or don't, but you can't hide from the consequences of reality.
@Opinion owner, a relationship where two people have to sleep with other people, is actually just a sexually unfulfilling relationship. In vast majority of cheating relationships / marriages, lack of fulfillment either sexually or emotionally is the number 1 cause for cheating. You married someone who doesn't sexually satisfy you which is why you're getting it from somewhere else.
Maybe most people feel a pit in their stomach thinking of this significant other having sex with someone else. It’s betrayal. Lusting for someone else that intensely is a harsh crime. Whether thats possessive and morally wrong I’ll leave that to you to decide. I’m on the boat of monogamy personally. It’s my gut feeling, if it’s not yours that’s okay!
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Cheating is any form of intimacy with another person that you would only do with your partner. physically like sexual related or even internet based like sextexting nudes can be classed as being unfaithful if hiding from other person. But everyone is different with there reasons on what is cheating.
You asexual girl so it might be hard for your to understand, but sex is actually more important, just sex leads to children, just love don't leads to much, but girls tend to be more emotional than guys.
Everyone has different boundaries and that's okay. You have yours, other people have theirs. You don't have to change your perspective for anyone, and no one is obligated to change their perspective because of you.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
cheating is literally doing anything with another person that you have to hide from your partner
If you randomly give the same person at work a hug every day but then when your significant others around you do not do that, then you are cheating because you are obviously using more emotion behind that hug then it just being something casual.
also if you were texting somebody and you have to delete those text in fear of them being seen when you are cheating
In the end cheating is what you in your relationship see as cheating so only you two decide about it Itcan be strictly monogamous or open or open in certain circumstances like how ever you want it
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Wow--that's pretty awesome! I have to say, I'd LOVE to be in a long term relationship with a woman I'm in love with and who loves me, and on top of that she's only interested in having sex with me but doesn't mind if I have sex with other girls as long as I only love her. That's pretty much the definition of perfect!
I have never cheated on a girl though i have many options in the gym as im 6+ feet and fit i have even rejected other girls which were younger and hotter than my exBut because i was in love with her and generally speaking im faithful man in work and for my family i believe cheating is cheap I had another girlfriend and i directly told her i don't want to be with you im into someone else either you accept to stay while i have her or else leave she respected that and left
