I found out my boyfriend is/was a serial monogamist, is this a bad sign?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 4 months but I'm finding out certain things I'm uncomfortable with. He recently asked me to move in with him but I've declined. For some reason, I still haven't had sex with him yet. I'm having second thoughts and feel something isn't right.

I just found out he's been with 10 different gfs (back-to-back) in total and lived together with all of them. All those relationships ended in break-ups. I'm not liking it at all. It makes me think he's not serious and he just wants to be in a relationship for the excitement and the sake of temporarily sharing a house without any commitment ever.

I'm thinking of reconsidering this relationship. Is man that gets into relationships back-to-back a bad sign?

Updates

+1 y

He keeps saying that it's different with him, that I'm special, etc. I don't know. Something doesn't feel right.

[Chris76859]

Monogamy isn't a bad thing, I've mostly been in long relationships.
It's the amount of relationships and how quickly they ended that could be showing a pattern with him. Monogamy is good, but if the relationships are never lasting long, that's a potential red flag.

[Asker]

This is what worries me. As soon as a relationship ended, he got into another one so quickly. He had a couple of relationship that ended faster than other and he would get back into finding another girlfriend. I didn't like the part about him living together with those women, only for all of them to end in break-up. That made me think that if I were to agree on cohabitating with him, it'll be over and all the time spend on sharing a house with him was for nothing, a waste of my time.

[Chris76859]

Yeah it may be best to take it slow with him before ever moving in together.
The first woman I ever lived with we were together for 15 years. Maybe your boyfriend isn't the type to work on his relationships? I'm not sure, but you should only move at a pace that you're comfortable with.

[Asker]

15 years? wow and you're not together anymore? Any kids?
I'll see how things go and if things get more serious (beyond just sex and cooking for him; I'm talking about wanting kids, contributing with bills, etc), then I might move in.

[Chris76859]

Yeah we were together from the age of 21 to 36 and we have one son together.
That's the thing about relationships, you just never know. People change over time, what they want changes, they can drift apart very easily when work and other distractions take over your lives.
The best thing to do is just enjoy every relationship thoroughly as if you never know when it's gonna end. That way you have no regrets.

[genericname85]

It's definitely a bit weird. Though i kind of think that this is probably the fastest way to figure out if you long term wanna stay with someone. Not sure if it's worth the hassle of moving tho.

[Asker]

I don't feel like moving in unless it's getting serious and I want to have kids with him. I don't want to move in just for the sake of it and waste my time.

[genericname85]

well how else would you find out if you want him to be the father of your children qickly?

[Asker]

4 months is too early though. I think I'll just let things flow naturally and go on from there.

[genericname85]

XD "let things flow naturally" doesn't sound like a plan that is very efficient. i mean i prefer that too. not judging. but if you want it to be "quick", i'm not sure if that's the best method.

[In_Trance]

The two biggest red flags there are potentially moving in together after 4 months and still not having sex after 4 months

[Asker]

I just don't feel like having sex with him. There are things that I don't feel right about. It didn't help when I found out he lived with 10 different women, shared a house with all of them... only for all of them to be ex gfs. It makes me feel my time will be wasted for nothing if I were to move in with him.

[In_Trance]

Frankly his life before he met you is none of your business. That was then and this is now.
Again the biggest red flag is the fact that you don't want to have sex with him. What have you been doing for 4 months? Secondly if you don't want to yet you probably won't... Which again leads to the question what are you even doing? That said if he's asking you to move in you're clearly not on the same page

[Asker]

During those 4 months I've been spending some quality time with him (going to the park, watch a game at a stadium, split bills on restaurants, watch movies, etc) and trying to get to know him better.

[In_Trance]

Again if you're not comfortable at this point I question whether you ever will be