This isn't in reference to myself, just thinking about it in general from conversations I've seen between couples.Lets say someone keeps saying they are not doing something anymore. Something they used to do but they stopped because they got into the relationship.
I don't have any particular thing in mind that is being hidden, just the concept of hiding and lying about it. Decided to throw something in here, cause it can be hard for people to imagine without an idea.
If something else fits you better, use it instead.
Lets say person A says they used to do onlyfans and sell content on snapchat. They no longer do.
They promise to their SO they no longer do that and give lots of reasons why. They have stated this many times in the past, nothing to be worried about.Person B, the SO does at first trust without a doubt, but then starts to find little things that don't match up. Eventually they make a fake account to spy on their partner and find out, they've been lied to all along. That they really are still doing onlyfans and selling content on snap.
Which is worse and why do you think that?
No option for both are bad, cause trying to determine what most people think is the worst of the two.
Lying is the worst
Spying is the worst
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
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Which is worse, a person who is a liar or the person who had to spy and be manipulative to find out the other was lying to them?
I said the person spying, but I didn't read your scenario first. In your scenario, the person spying is still pathetic and should just leave instead of being as deceitful as their deceiver, but in that situation the liar is the worse one. But I didn't envision a scenario like that. I envisioned A: where a liar is lying to an innocent person who doesn't know or suspect the truth. and B: where a spying person is spying on an innocent person who hasn't done anything wrong.
I think the scenario you set up is biased against the liar, since they are not innocent in your scenario. I feel my scenario (s) are more equal and unbiased, since both parties are perpetrating on innocents.
The reason I said the person spying is because both of them are deceitful, but the spying person is also mistrustful and betraying the privacy of a person who supposedly is living with them and giving them the access to everything. That's the inside job, the thief from within.
The liar is also a bad person, for being deceitful, and there's really no justification for it even though I understand people lie because they are afraid, you just got to conquer that fear and be honest with your partner or there's no point in having a partner at that level, you should just get a friends with benefits or something.
They are both toxic, and if either one of them happened to be dating me, we would most likely break up, with about a 10% chance of staying together after some long talks and new understandings about what are hard boundaries in the relationship.
I know these two people fr in rl and he trusted her for a long time, she just let things slip that started eroding that... so that eventually led to suspicion that he could only prove by spying. I think had she not slipped up, he never would of spied... cause he never would of got suspicious and then she could of continued what she was doing and he'd never know.
I think in real life scenarios, liars/cheaters are way more common than people who spy without some significant reason for suspicion.
My mom was involved with such a guy (liar), and I always thought it a stupid game to bother to try and collect evidence and catch him out. Just trust your gut and leave. Save so much BS and drama.
Problem with trusting your gut is you could be wrong and they did nothing wrong. Especially if you've been betrayed in the past, you can project that to the present person. Especially if you really like someone, and you leave... no evidence then always wondering if you were wrong.
You’re absolutely right about the past coloring our present decision making, but I don’t see it as a detriment. I call it learning from past mistakes and I don’t have the issue of “always wondering”. I know I’m not infallible, but I’m also not paranoid or stupid. If something is off, I don’t need photos or other empirical evidence. Just the subtle nuances of a person’s interactions with me tells me when they are sus.
I broke up with a woman I loved very much (and still do) bc she was giving weird energy to me. Found out later I was dead on correct to leave when I did.
The liar is worse I can tell just by looking at somebody when they're lying to me and the truth usually comes out within the first couple days I really don't go the distance to find out if somebody lied to me but I do think some people want to know the truth and they deserve the truth so whatever it takes I guess for them to be at ease There's one thing in the world that I really really hate and that is somebody that lies or somebody that thinks that they had to lie I'm pretty easy going guy and the truth would be just 10 times better when somebody lies to me I lose all respect I would rather know the truth actually the LIE hurts me more than the truth does
It really bugs me when someone lies and they had literally no reason to lie. Like in the real world example given here, she lied to him and he would not of had an issue with it... like god why did you lie? You could of had a good working relationship. He would of helped you find business, but because you said you stopped doing it (probably never did) then he even gave her a chance to see if she still did or started and she said no she doesn't anymore.
Like stupid, being honest would of made things better but some people just have to lie and seem to do it for trivial things when it isn't even needed.
I WOULD say that both are bad, however with that removed as a choice, So I’d have to say the Liar is the worst of the two. (Given your example) She promised never to do it again, He NEVER promised not to check out if she was lying! That is the only way I can give you a who’s worse… But, they are BOTH culpable, she should not have betrayed her SO by lying and breaking a promise, but his spying was highly manipulative and equally wrong! But as I previously said you took that option away, so her for breaking the promise!
Lying. I’ve manipulated someone quite a few times since I knew they were lying about something that I found out. I’m not a bad person I just done it since I knew it would make them say the truth. Manipulating someone is definelty a last resort for me though. I can’t stand people lying
I honestly would like a person to tell me their fucking around than finding out. Spying is just as toxic but lying is the worst for me. I rather my partner spy and I call them out for it to change that behavior, than be with someone who’s a lying sack of shit. Lying is harder to break and stop than facing your insecurities and learn to cope with them.
'Spying' is a function of behaviors triggering the intuition from past betrayals... if YOUR behavior is honorable, there's NOTHING to be found and so it merely indicates HE CARES ENOUGH to WANT to be your 'only'... and which time, YOU spy to assure you're not merely being wooed to BE among an unknown 'harem' to feed his immature libidenous Ego.
Spying to get a real answer is a fair reaction to someone who doesn’t have the balls to be honest with their hurtful activities. That being said, spying is never something you should do without a highly probable cause otherwise it becomes mutually toxic.
Lying means acting two-faced. People who act hypocritically are among the people who can hurt people the most. If people didn't lie to each other, honest people wouldn't have to work hard to expose liars' lies. No one should deceive anyone about anything, for whatever reason. Lying is something that weak people fall into.
It's the person who did whichever one first is the worse one. If a liar got caught lying about sleeping with strangers then you can't blame the partner for being suspicious. Sure, monitoring for shady activity is bad, but the liar tainted the relationship, leaving it less than salvageable..
Likewise, if someone is completely faithful to the partner without giving any reason they can't be trusted and all of a sudden they learn that they've been tracked and the partner has rummaged through emails, messages, GaG account, then the manipulative partner is the worse one because they brought their own insecurities into the relationship.
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Person A is buggin. Only fans is nothing to lie about because who knows what content is being put out. And that content probably played a big part in whether or not we were to be in a relationship in the first place. It's the fact that ur my girl who could possibly have me looking crazy out in these streets. And then finding clues of course I'm going to check receipts if it's affecting me.
Lying is worse because person A has now caused person B to have trust issues that will follow her into future relationships. Person B lied too in the sense that they made a fake account but that will not cause trust issues for person A since they did not claim to not do it to person A.
They are both awful people. None of the behaviors are indicative of a healthy mindset or relationship and are something that need immediate attention so they can work on themselves.
@zeitgeist057 I agree or at least partly agree... mainly (I have cheaters on my mind here) because the one thinking about cheating, is the one sneaking through phones because they assume the other person is just like them. Then there are the ones that know it's happening, but they feel like they can't prove it without evidence. Expecially if they're getting gaslighted about what they see.
Either way, some bullshit is going on and in my opinion, they should just split if the trust doesn't exist mutually.
True facts right there. I made the connection in my early 20s that the thrives in my life were concerned with people stealing from them, the liars were concerned with others lying, and the cheaters accused me of cheating.
Lying is Def worse. Your whole "relationship" is pretty worthless in my opinion if you can't trust your partner. Spying is a result of the others actions. It doesn't just happen for no reason
The person spying had grounds to spy, that being they wouldn’t have spied without cause. Person A provided that cause by lying, or renegging on their promise. Not saying who is worse, but Person A starts the wheels turning
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