Is it ok for a partner to check your phone behind your back?

[Anonymous]

Once I gave my boyfriend the passcode to my phone, he would go through my phone when I wasn’t around, maybe I would be in the bathroom or changing. I know this from things he would say later such as “I looked through your convo with so-and-so”. I told him to stop and just ask me, but he has kept doing it.

This time he asked me about (sexy) pictures on my phone. He asked me if I had taken any new pictures and I said no, I’ve been busy with school. He then told me he had seen ones he hadn’t seen before on my phone and accused me of lying. I told him I didn’t know which ones he was talking about. Then it was “Give me your phone.” I get the feeling this isn’t right. Is this ok?

[Nawlins34]

He's insecure and you're feeding it.

You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

If you don't, you're hiding something.
If you do (as in this case) he won't trust what he's seeing in the phone.

He's insecure and there are no words you can say to comfort him and honestly, that isn't your job.
If you haven't been cheating, then your actions surely won't calm him down.

Is this attractive to you and if it isn't, why are you still with him? Because he's not going to get better during this relationship.

I said you're feeding it because even if you've been faithful, the sexy images that you never sent him gave him validation in his mind, so this won't get better.

The only question now is how long are you going to tolerate it?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

If I was dating someone and I got worried they were looking through my phone, I would probably want to break up with them.

Why should I have to worry? Presumably she already knows everything about me. What's she gonna do? Be mad about one small comment I made to someone after she looked through my phone for however long it takes?

If we can't trust each other completely and we've been dating for a while. She's not the one.

Especially if I have to be living in fear that she's gonna "find" something and not be reasonable.

[Airii]

No, it's not okay. Despite the fact that you gave him your password, that doesn't give him the right to constantly invade your privacy. Exchanging phone passwords are built on trust, not the free reign to go on the other's phone, it's to show that you have nothing to hide. I suggest telling him to stop or change your password. He may also be hiding something on his phone, it's a common projection wherein they assume the other party is hiding something when they themselves are, so if you have his password perhaps look through his phone secretively as well. The trust is already broken from his side, might as well

[Sour-rose]

Nah, now this n*gga think he owns your phone. I don't know the whole story between y'all but some mofo TELLIN me to give up my phone so he can look through it is like opening the bathroom door while i'm on the can trying to just be alone for a minute. So no, not okay.

[SamWinchester058]

The answer is: it depends.

Do you still have friends that you talk to often of the opposite sex? If so then yeah I think he has the right to know what's being said. And vice versa. Because if you're honest with yourself I think you'd ask why those connections are really necessary. What are you lacking from your boyfriend? Men and women have a very difficult time being "just friends". If you tell me different then just ask yourself... am I telling a joke, a story, sharing a picture with a "friend" that I would be uncomfortable with my boyfriend doing the same with another girl?

[Just4ThisNow2]

No, it is never alright for a person to snoop through another's phone, texts, emails, etc. without expressed consent of the other person. If your partner is checking your phone, this is unhealthy, toxic, and demonstrates a lack of boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is saying no. I know a man who checked his wife's phone after she got back from business trip. He found out she had been fucking some guy for 14 days straight.
So who committed the worse crime?

[Anonymous]

Nope, not at all ok, your phone is private.

This is a clear violation of both trust and privacy and as trust is the basis of any relationship, you do not have one.

So you should leave this guy.

[RuthlessAggression]

I not only think it's not OK for a partner to check a phone, I also think it was wrong of you to give him your password. It is wrong on both ends and you should both be totally ashamed of yourselves

[Asker]

He told me to give him my password, he got mad when I said I wanted privacy.

[RuthlessAggression]

Yeah and you should have said NO

[loveslongnails]

I'm in an open relationship, so there are no sexual secrets that need be hidden. She can read any conversation she wants, I've nothing to hide.

[slatyb]

No it's not. Never give ANYONE your passcode.

[Asker]

He got mad when I didn’t give it to him at first

[slatyb]

End this. He's out of control.

[mandyfire98]

Your partner sounds controlling and insecure.

[RuthlessAggression]

Exactly

[Agape93]

No. They can get permission.

[exitseven]

No, it is a breach of trust.

[jasco]

No I deserved my privacy just like she does

[Anonymous]

It doesn't bother me. I have nothing to hide.

[driven159]

no, it's not ok dump his controlling ass