Is it OK to check your partners phone?

[Anonymous]

Hi, Is it okay to check your partner/so/gf or bf/husband or wife's phone? In one of my first relations I had a lot of trust issues still and would check my girls phone when in doubt just to confirm or deny my thoughts. Often so just proving myself I'm stupid for not trusting. But I would always be honest about it and it would make her both really mad and really upset I checked her phone. Both when I found things and didn't found things. One argument would be that if the person gets really mad it would mean they have something to hide further confirming whatever thought is in your mind. But is it ok to check once in a while? Especially in a marriage, or should trust always be blindly when it comes to relationships? And if you have nothing to hide why would it be such an issue? Does it offend you when your so checks your phone? TL;DR: What do you think of your partner checking your phone and what do you think of checking your partners phone?

[CallMeDave]

I do not think it is OK to check your partner's phone. Even if they have nothing to hide, I think that is an invasion of privacy. I have nothing on my phone that my SO should be upset about, but I would feel like my privacy had been invaded if she checked it. That also would mean she doesn't trust me and trust is an important part of a good relationship.

My SO and I could easily get into the other's phone and look through it but I have never done that with her phone and as far as I know she has never done that with mine because we are pretty open and honest with each other and we trust each other so there is really no need to.

My opinion is that if your partner is doing something that concerns you or makes you feel uncomfortable, you should talk directly with her and explain your concern and have a good discussion about it. Snooping around in your partner's personal stuff is not a good thing for a strong healthy relationship.

If she is so secretive about things that you feel a need to check, then that's a problem that you should address with her. Open and honest communication is also important to a relationship. There should be very little that she's not willing to share with you if you have a good strong relationship.

[Edanurus]

Ok here's the thing, whether its right or wrong is irrelevant. What your doing is avoiding dealing with your trust issues and that's what will end any good relationship even if it does save you from the bad.

Here's the thing if my girlfriend looked through my phone without permission then I'd be fuming. If she told me she saw my phone and had the urge to go through it I'd probably give her my phone to look through and we'd have a talk

[LupitaDamian]

I dont think its a bad thing... BUT he who seeks shall find.. Dont try to unsee what you dont want to. If you know and have that gut feeling he or she is then they probably are, now what are you going to do if you find yourself in a situation where the other person is cheating? Do you plan on leaving or staying. Are you going to be in the same relationship afterwords therfore causing a fight for yourself snooping and even tho ur the victim you still forgiving it? Im just saying whatever it is yiu decide to do.. What will be done afterwords. If u will be 100% w yourself and leave the situation than snoop u might be wrong about him or her infidelity. But if you know no matter what your going to stay and all you do is cause another little fight than dont bother. You forgaveanyways and they know that you will be able too again and again.

[goddess87]

It's fine. If they have nothing to hide it shouldn't be a problem on that end. On the other hand, you are creating anxiety and compulsive rituals for yourself by having to check the phone to make you feel better. This is a bad cycle for you and only creates misery and insecurities. If you checked once and found nothing why keep digging? They've already proven they can be trusted.

[bloodyrevenge]

Go for it. I dont have anything to hide so wouldn't be mad. I've gone through my BFS phone only to find him lying to me. (Didnt start going through it, regularly until a few months ago, after, he gave me a reason to) and even now if I touch his phone he freaks out even if its just to check the time which makes me think he's up to something...

[samhradh_leannan]

I think it’s very wrong to look through your partner’s phone (or other belongings) with the intention of spying. You should talk to them about your concerns, not go behind their back.

That said, if your partner is acting super secretive about their phone, it probably does mean they are hiding something.

[samhradh_leannan]

It’s also a dangerous road to go down. Once you’ve checked their phone the first time, you’ll want to do it again every time you get insecure. Then you’ll want to check their computer too, and soon that won’t be enough. Paranoia feeds itself. Don’t start the cycle.

[Pikachula]

I wouldn't care, but i dont think its normal.
I want to feel trusted and when someone needs to go through my phone, he doesn't trust me.

Also, I believe that people with trust issues like you are actually the ones to look out for, often the ones with trust issues like that are the ones that are more likely to cheat in my experience..

[shortandsweet24]

No. If you truly trust a guy, you shouldn't have to check their texts or facebook actions. Taking someone else's phone is an invasion of privacy and I wouldn't want to be that person in a relationship... :(💜

[Anonymous]

No, it's an intolerable violation of privacy. I was very jealous about a friend of my ex, but even if sometimes when he was driving or so he asked me to write a message with his phone, I never ever scrolled down or looked at his other messages for respect and because even if I was jealous, I think trust is fundamental in a relationship

[AzureGirl]

I think it’s a red flag on your relationship if you feel the need to go through your partner’s phone. I would rather my partner trust me.

[damnwinter]

No. And neither is it ok to lie, cheat and hide certain (most) things from one's partner. So these 2 go together. Most people tend to forget that and focus solely on the privacy violation aspect of the issue.

[Band_freak]

I dont like the idea, I think it's wrong. Mainly because what if I was talking to my best friend about something REALLY personal and her partner checked those messages

[Sara413]

Absolutely not. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything.

[SarahsSummer]

you need to figure out why you have such insecurities and trust issues? That behavior will never be healthy in a relationship

[lovelyhoneybones]

I don't mind my boyfriend checking my phone, but I don't think that's a concern. If it is, there's something wrong here.

[LunaJ]

you'll only hunt ghosts 👻 and will make yourself insecure with a behavior like that.

[tntfa]

No. This is an invasion of privacy. You either trust a person or you will drive yourself crazy.

[YHL6965]

No. In a relationship, you need intimacy, but also privacy. If a girl would look into my phone, I think she does not trust me. What's the point of staying together if she doesn't even trust me?

[Pink2000]

Hell yeah it's ok. but when you end up finding something you didn't wanna find , you'll get your feelings hurt.

[meashka94]

Of course not, I mean don't look at there diary r things they have marked private but besides that I don't see a problem

[pink1980]

Right or wrong it’s my phone. Some privacy is important.

[TacosRAwesome]

Not OK. He's free to use my phone if he needs to. But if he dares check any thing he dies.

[pennanen98]

I understans you. I have that habit too mostly because of my ex boyfriends. But i admit that it isn't angood thing. :/ Phones nowdays are so private for the owner. There are everything.

[Flower-petal]

I have nothing to hide so I personally wouldn't mind, but others wouldn't like it I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

Hell no man, I don’t ever look through my girls phone and I don’t want her touching Mine.
To me it’s childish.

[Opinion Owner]

They don’t get mad cause they have something to hide they get mad cause you’re being an asshole

[Sonjita]

It's never fucking ok.