My boyfriend says he wants to wait to have a child until the time is right but he was so careless with his ex?

[Anonymous]

Okay.. so long story short my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. He has one child with an ex already. Now right before we got together he was intimate with a different one of his ex’s and was not careful and got her pregnant. She ended up terminating the pregnancy. But, he’s always been very careful with me. When I asked him why he was so unsafe with her when they weren’t even together and she had treated him poorly their entire relationship- all he could say was that they were never careful and he didn’t think anything of it. But, recently the topic of babies has come up and he says that he wants to wait until the time is right and perfect. But why is he like this with me when he was so careless with his ex? Is this his way of saying he just doesn’t want a child with me? I don’t understand, because I do so much for him, I love him and treat him well. And his ex did not treat him well at all. Why was it so easy for him to just do that with her but not with me? I’m just confused because his actions and his words just aren’t making sense. Yes, people can grow and change and make better decisions for themselves, but why wouldn’t he want this with someone who is actually good to him and for him?

[D_Bone_Steak]

Wow... Sounds like he got off the Puss Carousel, and now he wants to settle down and be serious because he's already had his fun.

If he's paying child support already, maybe he's learned something or at least he's feeling the pain of that decision already maybe? But I don't know if that's a factor for him.

[Asker]

Nope, no child support. He actually hasn’t seen his daughter in over two years. I do feel like he’s tried but I think he could put more effort in in that situation. There’s just so much baggage in that department. And part of me wonders if maybe he just doesn’t see that with me. He does say he wants more kids, just not right now. But I do feel like my time is running out and I want to experience this part of life.

[D_Bone_Steak]

That is though, a woman's time period for children is limited... and he's probably been burned well enough that he doesn't want to jump into it again.

[Anonymous]

Girl. Ima say this. If he want to take his time. That’s a nice way of telling you he doesn’t want another kid


I have a husband of 4 years. together for 5.
Im 22 and he is 16 years older than me.
he has 3 diff baby moms. One child with each.
But I got two children from him. After 2 years of being together.


He’s showing some red flags. Bc there’s no such thing as when the time is right!
If you’re with the right person everything will happen. And you will not have to wait for ANYONE queen.

[Smashingdoozy]

Sounds like he's learned his lesson.

[Kelly6]

Exactly true

[Asker]

And that could very well be the case! I get the idea of wanting everything to be perfect, it just hurts that there are many girls he’s been unsafe with previously and now that we’re in a long term, committed relationship he chooses to be careful. It really makes me wonder sometimes if he truly sees a future with me or if him saying he wants to wait for the perfect time is just an excuse. I really hope that’s not the case, because I truly love and care about him so much.

[Smashingdoozy]

I would say him choosing to be careful mean he does care about you.

[caring__1]

He's been burned in the past, so he's more cautious. So both of you are on the same page, ask him what he's looking to see to know the time is right. Relationships tend to not work out well when people withhold information from the other person and expect that person to guess. Just let him know you're curious and would like to see things through his eyes. Don't pressure him or put him on the defensive with "you" statements.