Is it ok for fiance to hide her sexual assault blackmailer from a life partner, who is very loving, caring & understanding with emotional connection?

[Anonymous]

I got to find about her one year old sexual assault and blackmailer after thorough inspection of her phone.

She shared everything with me. We have mutual trust, love, care, understanding and deep emotional connection, but she never talked about him to me, who keeps in touch with her occasionally, but she never gave in to his demands.

Sexual assault & blackmailing doesn't bother me, but she hiding & defending him really bothered me. My trust is all shattered, but what is the best way to deal the situation?

[Takaharu]

Of course its not ok for her to hide something serious like that from you. Its about her safety and yours too. But something doesn't sit right.


"Sexual assault & blackmailing doesn't bother me" thats a big yikes for me. What do you mean by that? You are not concern at all for her safety?

"She hiding & defending him really bothered me." This could be for several reasons. One of the main reason is she has trust issues. And you just broke that by going through her phone. Second, she doesn't want you to feel burden by the mess. She is not defending him, she defending you by not involving you into this. She probably doesn't want you to be the target of that blackmailer.

I hope you can have a talk with her and personally i dont think its a big problem when it comes to your relationship as you mention she never gave in to his demands.


I understand you feel betrayed that your fiance doesn't open up to you about this matter but when it comes to something traumatizing, it takes time for them to talk. But i think in this matter, you seems more on "me, me, me, me". I think thats something you need to work out with.