Is it cheating to kiss someone else on the cheek while on a break with your partner?

Question

So me and my boyfriend had dated for a year and a half and our parents decided it was time to take a break from each other. He’s my best friend so we spent a lot of time together. It was already hard not being able to be with each other and I started getting confused on how I still felt about him. I didn’t know if I was losing feelings and gaining feelings for someone else or it was just the stress of not being together messing with my head. So I wanted to see how I felt about this other person. So I kissed them on the cheek. Afterwards a realized I felt absolutely nothing for this person and decided to be honest with my boyfriend and tell him what I did and why I did it. He got really really mad at me and wouldn’t talk to me for almost an hour. It made me feel like I had just cheated on him and I am the worst girlfriend in the world for doing that. I felt terrible but also kinda relieved that I didn’t have feelings for this other person. But I also wanted to make things right with my boyfriend.

So basically my question is… was that cheating? Or was it not that big of a deal? Cause I am like half/half beating myself up for this.

Nawlins34 · Accepted Answer

Yes, this is cheating.

let me break it down.

"So me and my boyfriend had dated for a year and a half and our PARENTS DECIDED it was time to take a break from each other." - meaning had they not intervened, you two would still be in an active relationship, at least that's how he took it.

"So I wanted to see how I felt about this other person. So I kissed them on the cheek." - this is both an ACTION and a CHOICE (against the relationship on break). No matter how you spin it, it takes effort to think about another person and then ACT on it.

"Afterwards a realized I felt absolutely nothing for this person" - While the opposite is bad, this isn't much better. So this means you kissed him out of pure curiosity.

1st Rhetorical question - How long did your boyfriend have to wait to kiss you for the first time? This guy put in 18-months of time with you and gets rewarded with "I didn’t know if I was losing feelings and gaining feelings for someone else or it was just the stress of not being together messing with my head" MEANWHILE a stranger gets a kiss out of curiosity? - THAT'S what he sees.

2nd Rhetorical question - What would've happened had you felt "something"? That would've been cheating.

"But I also wanted to make things right with my boyfriend." - That's not your choice now... and if you still refer to him as "boyfriend" - you cheated.

1.) You both didn't set expectations or set boundaries on what cheating is or how to manage yourselves during this "break" - this part is on both of you for creating the gray area that exists now.
2.) You didn't have to do what you did to get that answer - if you spent 18-months as his girlfriend and you still have doubts, he's not the one. You're curious because you think there's more out there.
3.) Him forgiving you is not enough, he has to choose to let this go, or you two won't work. Because you introduced the pain, you can't tell him how to feel and to get over it. It has to be HIS choice.
4.) Should he decide to end it with you, you start dating so you can get a better idea of the type of guys are out there.

Be safe and good luck.

nitsuj86 · Accepted Answer

Well, not sure I would call it cheating, but it's a grey area. I also doubt that it was "only a kiss on the cheek". Sounds like a way to make yourself not sound as bad. But I'll assume that's all you did.

If you weren't "broken up" then you were doing something shady. What you were doing is seeing if you like this guy more, while keeping your current relationship. Testing him out. So you could then leave your boyfriend and be with him, without ever risking being alone.

Doesn't work that way. You were having your cake and eating it too... Just cause your parents said you need a break, doesn't mean you actually have to do that, people who really care find a way.

Would you be upset if he did the exact same thing? Thought the same things you did? If the answer is yes, then you are right to tell the truth and apologize. You were emotionally cheating if you weren't broken up, and a kiss with intention is cheating in my opinion. You told him, now he has the right to decide whether to be with you or not. It's a relatively small thing I agree, but it could still be grounds for a breakup, seeing as how you went about it. in my opinion

Rei02 · Accepted Answer

I may be a bit harsh, and I know that you are below 18 but, why did both of you agree with your parents?, I can understand that both of you love your parents and want to show that you are good kids who can trust them, but please, don't let your parents decide your lives for you, decide for yourselves, of course, that doesn't mean that they are not allowed to give their opinions and advice in life matters.

Trust me, I let my mother going to far with it because I trusted her, instead of following my instincts, be true to myself and speak out my mind and tell other people who could have given me a better support. The result was awful.

You took a break, which means that both of you are allowed to meet new people and maybe in one of those cases, either you or him are going to meet someone else to start a love relationship. You are still on time, you just need to think about what you really feel for him, and once you really know it, go and tell him, with girlfriend or not (unless he is married, but that is very very far away right now).

A honest conversation first with yourself and later with him is the best thing. Start with the next questions "what do you really feel for him?", "do you love him?", "if so, how?"

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

It is if the other person thinks it is, cheating is rarely the persons act to decide if it is or not.

Lets say you think it is not but your boyfriend thinks it is. Well now in his mind you cheated, in yours you did not. You are not going to change his mind, all you can do is ask forgiveness.

Now I don't personally think it is cheating, but at the same time I always though 'breaks' were stupid, cause they are like we are temporarily breaking up with plans to get back together, so whatever happens on a break won't count when you get back together.

HollyK21 · Answer

You’re young, so simply put I will just say that anything you do as a single person is not cheating. If your ex doesn’t want you doing those things, then he should be your boyfriend, not an ex.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Did you violate his trust? Would you have done that if he had been present at the time?

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Well, would you do this in the presence of him? Also, what does “on break” mean exactly? So, you’re still together, but taking some time to maintain your own spaces.
I do not think kissing another on the cheek is a respectful thing to do. Also, since you asked, that may imply that you feel somewhat unsure or even guilty over this so it isn’t obviously innocent. If you’re on a break, keep it simple and don’t become intimate or affectionate with another person. Now, if you two are broken up entirely then that is different. In this case, you can see and do whatever you want with anyone.

ohshee · Answer

Well here's the thing no matter what it was or no matter how people look at it it was for your own information give us for you to learn something and to experience something as long as you got something out of that then so good now the repercussion of this is going to be if you get back with your boyfriend he will always throw it in your face every time you have an argument he's going to throw it in your face.. and since the kiss is in his head it's going to take you 10 times further just to keep the fight going you get this to you did that too. who asked for the timeout you or your boyfriend

Amy10223 · Answer

I don't know... if you feel you need to kiss someone else to justify your feelings about your boyfriend, I'd say you are losing feelings for him already. If you had been married, it would not have felt right to feel this way about someone. You need to be absolutely sure that you care about your boyfriend. But I see you are very young, so you should be seeing lots of guys, not just one at your age. Experiment and see what kind of guys there are by you, and then decide as you get older, what it is you want in a man. Good luck.

Jabberjaw · Answer

It was cheating, and girls do this exact same behavior the older you get.

They want to "test" their love. Some do a kiss, Some have sex, Some go on a date, or even a vacation with another guy to see if they love this guy or their boyfriend.

So they Pre-Cheat with the excuse of it being in the name of love. That they're doing it for their relationship.

You mindfucked yourself into thinking this was a good idea and for love. Yes it was a big deal, yes it was cheating. The only upside is that it stopped at a kiss on the cheek.

For a guy, you fucked up bad. If you love your man, for your sake I hope he can let this go because it could be the end of your relationship. You've shown him he can't fully trust you

MountAverage · Answer

You cannot ask other people what the rules of YOUR relationship are. This is between you and your boyfriend. You and him set the rules for what counts as cheating and what doesn't, nobody else. Do you understand?

For me personally, the idea that something as harmless and playful as a simple kiss on the cheek could be considered cheating by someone, is out of the world ridiculous and immature. I'd see that as a HUGE red flag if someone felt that way about it. A control freak with extreme insecurity issues.

CubsterShura · Answer

If he grew up kissing people on the cheeks platonically so it's a normal thing to him, I won't consider it cheating if he does it while in a relationship. I'm personally not a huge fan of my man touching other women so I wouldn't date a guy who does that without talking to him about it first and coming to a compromise/resolution that we can both agree on.

NovaCourier · Answer

No. You were testing the waters, so to speak, which, by itself, is not cheating if you and your partner are having a break. If you conclude that you do have feelings for someone else, then as long as you properly break off your existing relationship permanently, then there has been no cheating.

CountryWanderer · Answer

Unless you've agreed to be exclusive, I don't think it's a big deal. But kissing someone to find out how you feel about them is a terrible way figure out your feelings. I think that kissing should reflect what you already feel. At this point, take time to figure things out. You're still very young, you don't need to be serious yet or very physically intimate.

cth96190 · Answer

It was not cheating, but it was the first step of the journey.
I think that a more important question is: why do both sets of parents interfere in your relationship and clearly want your relationship to end?
In which part of the world do you live?

Panzer21 · Answer

Not really, but he (neither of you probably, you're both young) might not be emotionally mature enough to see it as harmless.
Your parents shouldn't be making you go on breaks though if you're in a good relationship. Thats your love life, not theirs. If its toxic or obviously harmful I would understand, but otherwise..

nachosaresexy · Answer

Not cheating. Not sure you needed to tell him about it but there's not a black & white right or wrong on that part.

He'll get over it. The parental factor seems like a bigger challenge for the relationship.

BHooper · Answer

Yes I would say its cheating. Kissing someone on the cheek is not cheating in certain situations e. g greeting a friend. Your situation was to see if you had feeling for someone so there was a romantic tie to the kiss. Even though you didn't end up having g feeling for this person you still kissed them. Although not an orthodox analogy it would be like asking if its cheating to have sex with someone just to see if you enjoyed sex with that person.

RuthlessAggression · Answer

"WE WERE ON A BREAK!"

Lol, thanks Ross

But, I think it's not cheating. It's a break. You're not "actively" seeing each other, right? Or so you'd think. The problem is, if you're "seeing" each other, as "just friends", then it gets a little "dicey"

Ghostluck · Answer

Never do anything that you wouldn't want your partner to do. Because guess what, those little things you do that violate the trust of your partner, will come back on you one day, and instead of it hurting your partner, it's going to hurt you instead. You know what they say, what comes around, goes around. I would suggest using better judgement next time. If he truly feels betrayed, he may want to get even... and I promise you that you will not like how he does it if he decides to do so.

KrisPW · Answer

I wouldn't consider that cheating, and my husband doesn't mind if I give one of our guy friends a kiss on the cheek occasionally. It's not an intimate kiss (lips or neck) so we don't see it as a problem.

serious · Answer

Kissing on cheek is okay. It is still not right though and taking a break is not equal to breaking up, there is a difference.

No, I wouldn't call that as cheating but what you did was not very right either.

egarcia1360 · Answer

Wait, so did you two actually decide at all to go on a break or did your parents just dictate that you couldn't see each other for a while? Because it's seeming like the latter, in which case it's cheating.

Emogirl999 · Answer

You're so innocent, no it's not cheating. I don't know what your boyfriend is feeling but it might be possible that he isn't upset about the kiss itself but rather the fact that you had to test whether or not you were losing feeligs for him.

Is it cheating to kiss someone else on the cheek while on a break with your partner?

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