If a woman isn't happy in her engagement, is this a bad sign?

[Anonymous]

Lets say she said yes on March 1st out of pressure for two reasons:
- The simple reason she didn't want to hurt him
- He invited both sets of parents and friends by surprise so she couldn't ruin it for them either

Supposedly it should be every woman's dream but she isn't happy, doesn't feel ready at just 22 years old, felt taken by surprise, cries at times, is processing all this new event, is trying to find ways to continue postponing the wedding and couldn't have the heart to say no to him. Everyone, including the fiance is happy but her. Overall is this a bad sign?

Updates

1 y

Deep inside she's lying to her friends and everyone at being happy. Other days she's trying to convince herself that maybe it's normal anxiety, that maybe she'll get over it in no time. The wedding date was set for Sept but she postponed it for Jan.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely it’s a bad sign. Marriage is a huge commitment and not easy to get out of, so if she’s having that sort of negative response then there’s no reason to get married. This woman is putting everyone else’s feelings above her own, when they’re not marrying this guy — she is. So if she isn’t happy, then she needs to do the hard thing and not only end the engagement but the entire relationship. Will he be hurt? Yes, there is no way around that and that’s why breakups suck. But she can’t be suffering either, there’s no man worth that pain.

[Asker]

I don't want to lose him. By breaking off the engagement, it'll crush him and he would be walking out the door for sure. I was thinking a longer engagement; 1-2 years. I do love him and do imagine having kids one day but he went on a faster pace on this that he caught me off guard. He beat it at me. He's ready before I was ready.

[Opinion Owner]

Love should not be conditional, or force you into doing something you will regret later. Be honest and genuine with yourself first, and if that means asking for a longer engagement rather than calling it off completely then go with that and do not be afraid. If that sends him out the door then that is flat out toxic and you don’t need that:

[LazerBean]

Yes it's a bad sign. Getting married is a huge and life-changing decision, and should not be done unless they are totally sure and happy with it.

[Asker]

Ok. I'm ok with remaining his fiancee but postponing the engagement without a date for now. I love him. I just need more time and I'll be ready. He just got me too soon; he beat me at the pace. Hopefully he'll understand.

[Anonymous]

The foundation is unstable. This will collapse one way or another.
Likely cheating is going to happen.
Can't escape this other than breaking it off.

[Asker]

What if I just keep it as a longer engagement? I was thinking that maybe 1-2 years would be a good time and I'll be ready by then. I do love but he caught me off guard on this, he got me before I was even ready.

[Opinion Owner]

If you think you need to delay it but you are not ready this year, then it should be alright.

[Cocochoh]

Auuuu yeah, stop wasting time, chop chop, imagine when he waste his time getting his hopes up. Not happy you are not happy.

[Asker]

How about a longer engagement? I think there has to be a way of not hurting him. By breaking it off, I would be losing him too. I do love but didn't anticipated getting proposed soon, before I was even ready. I suppose in 1-2 years, it should be enough time.

[TacosRAwesome]

Yes it's a bad sign.

[Asker]

I'm postponing for 1-2 years. It wasn't in me to hurt him by saying no.

[TacosRAwesome]

You need to call it off not just postpone.

[Asker]

If I call it off, this means a break-up for sure. He's going to leave and I'll lose him. I do love him and maybe by then, there is a chance I might be ready and on his pace. What if I change my mind and really feel happy by then? It might happen.

[TacosRAwesome]

You don't know that. You need to know if something about him is putting you off marrying him or this is a you problem and you need to work on it. Either way if you intend to proceed with this relationship you need to be honest about your feelings.

[Asker]

It's not him. I'm not at his pace for marriage yet. This is all new to me.