These images may seem like she’s rash but but she’s not she’s very patient with me and have been there for me throughout my hardest times of my life and I’m a much better man because of her. However I’m frustrated with this. I got her a ring for our engagement back in may at all local mall I didn’t have a lot of money but I wanted to to show her our next step in commitment. I picked the best one I could a land proposed a two months later (July 2023) but I guess the ding didn’t meet her standards but I reassured her down the road I’ll get her another beautiful ring. I felt a little pressure to propose as it was something I was gonna do bro in 2021 but depression, loss of family members, and a terrible Injury that cost my savings for her original ring caused our engagement to be delayed for two years. I wanted to show her I was serious about us being married since this year was gonna be out 5th year together. Ok just frustrated by these comments. As someone who came from a poor single parent household I’m trying my best. I don't know just give me honest thoughts.
“Babe (or whatever nickname you call her) I understand I couldn’t have afforded the best ring or the dream ring for you, but I am hurt you think I didn’t try my best, I bought the best I could - at that time and we have had each other for 5 years, I didn’t want to make you wait any longer to show you how much you mean to you and how hard I love you and that I am ready to start a new chapter with you and ready to spend my life with you.
And receiving this message - did really just me a lot… I know your worth and that’s why I want to spend rest of my life with you, but I am just hurt right now, having put my best effort to find a nice ring and make you happy with the money I had, and seeing you being embarrassed by it - that hurts deep… and I don’t know how to feel about it.
If it means that much for you, we can try to find a new ring when I have more and then you help me pick it, but I don’t know what else I can do now.”
My response would be are you with me because you love me or is having an expensive ring more important to you, because I took the time to buy a ring from my heart and you wanna nitpick at it and tell me where I should be buying the ring from.
I'll start by making it clear that I'm not saying you should go in there all guns blazing and telling her she's spoiled and ungrateful. That's just my assessment. Nor do I want to convince you to be angry or indignant. Again, I'm just giving my assessment.
The first thing I noticed here - beyond her... complaints - was your response: short one or two-word replies. That tells me that this is not as unusual as you imply. It also tells me that you're used to it and trying to keep the peace, keeping in mind, of course, that arguing or complaining through text messages is alwaysa recipe for disaster. Now you obviously know this young woman better than I do and you're closer to the situation than I am; you've been with her five years and this is only a snapshot, so I could be wrong. That's still the impression I get of the relationship itself.
Now as for this more immediate situation, "ingratitude" and "vanity" are written all over it. Full disclosure, if a man has the means to buy his woman the most beautiful and expensive engagement ring, then yes, he should do it. I don't know what you do for work, but if what you've shared about your life situations and circumstances is true and she knows such, and if you'd saved the money to buy her the best ring that you were able to, then she ought to appreciate it. She clearly doesn't.
Plus, something else very important to think about. If this is how she reacts to an engagement ring, what are you expecting with the wedding band?
It's your life, so you do what you want to do. If you love this woman, you want to marry her, and you did the best that you possibly could, and if her reaction to this gift upsets you, then yes, calmly and confidently discuss it with her. She's not the only one in this relationship and she needs to understand that.
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1 Reply
Asker
8 mo
You are right at the time I have lost my savings and I wanted to show her I was serious but I guess she isn’t satisfied with where I got it although I told her down the road I’d get her a much nicer ring (without her saying anything about it). Honestly I have a tendency to lash out sometimes I try to be calm this time as I can go back and forth but I didn’t want that this time so I just gave one word responses. As we had this discussion before but end up coming back to it since a family friend ask where I got it.
Lol you need to kick her ass to the curb. Straight up gold digger. If she knows her worth then she knows she can make her own bank, she can get her own ring. Is she w you for the money or for love? So what happens if a man comes along w more money, flashes it in front of her face? Is she going to be loyal to you? I always thought it was the thought that counts, but I guess not. If she’s embarrassed that means she’s embarrassed about you as well. Be a man bro, stand up for yourself. I’m not saying act like a dick to her, but have some self respect. To me this indicates that she’s just going to run all over you in a relationship. Sounds as though you’re more beta, no real balls. Am I wrong? Maybe I am. But no girl who would love a man would talk to him this way as a matter of respect. Just as I wouldn’t expect him to talk to her that way either if he loved her. This sounds more like I want my girlfriends to be jealous. So let’s say you do stay w her. How’s the wedding going to go? You going to spend $10,000 to which she will complain she wanted something bigger, like a $30,000 wedding? She’s showing her true colors. Hopefully you make the right choice. I guarantee you if you told her how you really felt she wouldn’t like it, she’s cry, say you’re an asshole, how could you be so mean. Women want the truth only if it’s their truth. Be a man bro you have a long life ahead of you. Don’t let people run all over you. Have some balls man.
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2 Reply
Asker
8 mo
Far from beta…lol I wanted to avoid an argument at the time but I did end up doing off on her. I have no doubts on her loyalty as she held me down through the worst but this is a red flag.
If your brother asked you this or a hood friend, what would you tell them? Yes this is a red flag to me. Put your live aside for a moment. You’re doing what women tend to do. Even though you know it’s wrong you’re still making up an excuse for their behavior.
hmm, i get both sides. it's her who's gotta wear it. so if she's wanting quality or a specific in mind, that is her prerogative. you probably should have held off proposing if you felt pressure to do it.
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1 Reply
Asker
8 mo
Yeah perhaps I didn’t want her to feel I was gonna keep her as a long term girlfriend but yeah…sigh
Well... She is not ready for relationships. And I doubt she ever will. To me this looks like she is actually more focused and concerned about the ring (like gollum) rather that actual step into a different new, serious and responsible life. That is a childish behavior. Seems like she doesn't even realise what's going to happen. It looks like it's a game to her. Why is that so important what others say about the ring? WTF kind of attitude is that? Serious talk needed with her.
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3 Reply
Asker
8 mo
The problem here is also she trying to say it’s not about the ring and it’s where I got it and I don’t understand her view.
WOW... and to tell this all over text and not in person... wow... i'm happy with ANY ring. of ANY price. you shouldn't marry her. she is in it for status and to show off to her friends. there's a reason why this engagement kept getting pushed back. listen...
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1 Reply
Opinion Owner
8 mo
i also want to say that engagement rings don't even matter. actual weddings rings, sure. but this chick... i just can't believe you are still with her to be honest. you guys are way too young. i honestly see a divorce in your future if you ever go through with this engagement. it's just not worth it to be with someone who doesn't respect you, your finances, or your feelings.
Anonymous
(25-29)
8 mo
Dude, cut your losses and cut her loose. Look at it this way... she has done you a favor by showing her true colors before you actually married her. This behavior is indicative of her character, and she's not a woman you want to be married to. I gurantee this will not be the last time she behaves this way.
dude get rid of the fucking whore she's a god damn gold digger and is going to make your life a living hell. GET RID OF HER before you get in way over your head with that gold-digging piece of shit
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2 Reply
Opinion Owner
8 mo
she's narcassistic shallow a complete psycho GET RID OF HER for your own good and your own sanity
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