Why do I feel sad when I heard my friend got engaged?

[Anonymous]

it was kind of unexpected, when I was given the news. but I felt so sad, I wanted to cry. I had to leave right away and go and cry in a corner.

part of me wished I got engaged. part me was so jealus that the friend who got engaged was even a year younger than me.

I hated everything.

even though I know getting married won't add anything good to my life. I felt like a little girl crying because I didn't have one of those husbands (just like a doll) ...

Have you felt this way before? is this normal?

Updates

+1 y

The worst part is that I WAS the only person who didn't know she was dating! it seems like she kept it from me all those times!

[Darkfairie17]

I hear what you are saying. Most of my friends have kids and/or are married or are getting married soon, and they are all in their early twenties! It sucks when you feel like you are getting behind in the game of life, but I wouldn't worry too much. I know it's hard, especially when people who are younger are getting those things before you. I know this, because I have that too, I know girls who are like 18 that are getting married, and I am 22 and I can't even seem to keep a boyfriend for a long enough time to get to that stage, hopefully the guy I am currently seeing will be the one, but you never know :S

Plus my friends now exclude me because I am not part of the group anymore since I don't have kids so therefore am immature and don't understand life, apparently :/ Even though I am working hard in college to get my degree and certifications. I think you should go out and find some friends who are in the same position you are in. Ladies who are not married or engaged and maybe even single, who would like to be married soon. Share with each other support and help each other find guys. Even if you don't find a guy right away, it gives you someone to hang out with.

Also try to be good to your friend. I get that it sucks having people forget about you, but she is getting married and she is your friend. Try to support her however you can. If you act sour all the time, people will start distancing themselves from you. Besides, why rush into a marriage just to be married? Marriage is something that should be cherished, not rushed. If you wait, marriage will come to you and it will be the right time with the right person. If you rush it, you will end up regretting it and it won't be enjoyable.

I have felt how you have felt. It sucks seeing young girls having kids and having bf's for like 4 years when I can't seem to have that, and I am much older. I know nothing is wrong with me, I am smart and I have a life plan. Everything seems to be going the right way for me other than my love life. And there is no reason why a guy would not want to have me as his wife, I'm pretty awesome :P But I think you just need to realize that if a guy can't see your potential, then you are better off not knowing him anyway. The right one will come along, and when he does, you can be the one who is getting all the attention :)

[sunnydayboy]

Best answer.

[Hidden_P]

Yeah I think it's normal... I've felt this way before when a friend has announced their engagement.

I think it's like NerdInDenial said, it's normal to feel wanted and loved, and an engagement is like "LOOK PEOPLE I LOVE THIS PERSON" It's not a marriage. But it's a promise for something more. Do you know what I mean?

Also, I think you know that it means the attention will shift to her. It will go from a group of you talking and having fun to what dress you gonna wear, what theme for the wedding, what's he gonna wear, what music, where, how, when, etc etc. Everything is about to become about your friend and you get put on the sidelines. If you're single, this kind of time is especially difficult. They are proving their love and you feel like nobody is loving you.

You also said "even though I know getting married won't add anything good to my life" - you know that there is commitment involved and yes it's all good fun, but there is hassle and stress behind that ring and those smiles.

The best thing to do is to smile, even if it hurts, and offer to help your friend. You don't really want to be seen as a sour puss, and I think you would hate yourself if you didn't at least try. The "oh my gosh I'm so lucky" will wear off soon, and if you don't take part in the cooing and ahhing, you'll distance yourself from your other friends. It's hard but look at the positives. I took my friend dress shopping and I got to see all the dresses that looked awful as well as the ones that were nice! :D And also to realize that my wedding will be so much better (when I get married...or a boyfriend...)

[Hidden_P]

The update is sad :\ But maybe she was worried about something. Maybe she just forgot. Whatever her reasons, you have the chance to look like the better person, regardless of what she does :)

Best of luck

[Anonymous]

it happens, we all go through it I know deep down you want to be happy for her because its her life not anyone elses and its another step towards happiness, but you're so upset about your own life that you can't feel that happiness for her. its okay were human. but just be positive about it and tell her you are happy for her and be there for her when she needs you, because one day you're time will come too and she will be there for you as well.

ive learned that with girls sometimes we have to be one of the guys and not be too attached because we bump heads, compete and get jealous of each other. a healthy friendship is one where you get some space from each other and have time to miss each other otherwise you will have catfights and rip each others heads off. also keep your love life private as possible because girls like stealing men and flirting to get mens attention, I guess you can say some chicks are bitches and frenemies, I've learned the hard way.

[arashmenalagha]

because you want to be more accomplished instead of your friend. I can tell you I felt a small portion of what you were feeling in some point of my life, but it didn't have much of an impact, because I have my own goals. I want to reach not someone else's.

[TigerRoseBear]

You answered your question yourself lol... "part of me wished I got engaged. part me was so jealus that the friend who got engaged was even a year younger than me." It's because you feel left behind in the "race" of life.

[Anonymous]

Wish your friend well, your time for engagement and marriage will come someday. Focus on progressing in your life and many opportunities will be available to you. Yes, it is normal to want what you don't have, especially if you want it. But in this case, marriage is not the answer to a happy life. YOU are the answer. You were put here on this earth for so much goodness and many opportunities. Marriage is a HUGE responsibility and you MUST be prepared for all that comes along with it. This is a very interesting article that I think you would like. Cheer up, everything is going to be all right. link

[Asker]

hahaha, that was a good article! I loved the part about farting whenever you want :))

[ryanrhino]

Were you envious or jealous?

Envy is OK because it spurs you to action.

Do not worry about age at all. We all seek different things from our partners, so try not to compare or judge yourself.

If you know what you want, then why worry?

You could feel happy for her and maybe even ask her how she attracted her guy and how they fell in love. Perhaps she can spread her joy into your life and enhance yours?

[Anonymous]

Of course it's normal. I think it's the same as seeing all your girls having a boyfriend and you're the only one left behind. But don't worry, I think the feeling will fly over eventually. After it has, support your friend and be happy for her. One day, the right one will come for you too, and you'll be full of happiness too.

[Anonymous]

First, you've never been married so you don't know if marriage will add something new to your life. Also, I think its normal becasue the older we get the more we fear beibg alone forever.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same. You don't have to be ashamed :)

You have mixed feelings of jealousy, sadness that it wasn't you, happiness for your friend. You are longing for it, dear, and it's normal :)

[NerdInDenial]

It's normal to feel jealousy or unwanted, but don't worry, you'll find a guy who will treat you right.