Could use a little help and advice here womans in particular but any advice is welcome?

[Anonymous]

So to cut to the chase im extrememly socially awkward and i have trouble talking to other people. Its difficult for me to communicate well and i have a lot of trouble with anxiety. In short im not very good at comunicating with others but in particular i have a lot of trouble with woman. I haven't ever really had a relationship and the ones i have had have been almost exclusivly toxic. A few examples are my highschool girlfriend who i later found out had been sexually assaulting a class mate of mine while we were dating and the woman who ran off with my v card was an unstabe alcholic who definitely had deppression but
She also took less than 24 hours after the night she took my v card to cheat on me. I've spent a while trying to look inward at myself and I've thought of some things i can do to improve myself but the big one i need help with is my social issues. I dont mean to but i think because of my size and deminor i appear kinda scary and since i dont know how to communicate well it only makes me seem even more scary. I just want some advice on how to be more socially capable. Like some dos and donts on making a good first impression and how to not appear threatening accidently. I dont want to be scary and it bums me out cause i feel bad about it. I dont like making people feel uncomfortable and that only puts more pressure on me which leads to self fulfilling prophecy. Im scared of being scary and weird which makes me scary and weird if that makes sense? I want a healthy and loving relationship but i dont think i know what that looks like anymore. I thought i did but now im not so sure. Its gotten to the point where im kinda scared of woman both because im worried i make them uncomfortable and because so far to date I've only been hurt by most them save family and one good friend of mine who has done wonders for making me feel less lonely. I've got good friends too but help from anyone is welcome.

[hellomellow7]

First off, I’m sorry you had to go through that in your past relationships. But don’t lose hope there are good healthy relationships out there yet 🥰.
My best advice, (and if any of this helps great :) but don’t feel obligated to follow any of it)
Checkout some books on anxiety or self esteem/self confidence.. a lot of the books are tied into each other.
Secondly,
Make a journal.. of what you want in a girlfriend (qualities, personalities etc) what you want in a relationship, relationship goals (getting married, babies etc)
This will really help you figure out what you want..
And that being said it will also help you with deciphering what you don’t want. (You could also make a list of things you don’t want in a relationship or girlfriend if that helps)


Something else to consider is books about healthy relationships or abusive relationships, these will have great information and red flags to avoid if you meet someone new.


And you said something about worried about coming off as scary to people or females. I think people in general if there’s joking involved or laughter are less scared. So maybe memorize a handful of jokes (test them on some relatives to make sure it gets them laughing) but I think comedy always makes a good impression. As well as image.. being well groomed, clean, people might still see you as intimidating if your big stature but not scary.


Hope this helps!

[whiskeyontherocks]

I have sent autistic adults to dating coaches and group therapy to help alleviate similar issues. You’re not as severe so you may see some positive results in reasonable time.
If that’s not a option
Find a female friend that will help you socialize none relatives preferably is a great start. be honest about it being practical and that you’re mostly just lonely
This has the potential to help you move past some of these issues and maybe alleviate some of the loneliness.
Just be honest with your self that it’s just platonic.
I think going on practice dates should be normalized to help men and women with similar issues feel more confident socializing in general.

[Asker]

My concern is that it would go from platonic to something on my end and not the others. I've only really got 1 female friend and i dont want to risk jepordising it. Id rather have my friend and be single than risk complications and loosing her

[Jamesshinobi]

you are weird homey. nothing wrong with that. one of my best friends is just like you. just find weird people and hangout with them.

[mermaidcancermoon]

Therapy and books on social anxiety

[Asker]

Yea i definitely have social anxity its not crippling but its severe enough that it effects me pretty strongly in a negative and debilitating way.

[Guy13]

Have you seen a mental health counselor?

[Asker]

Yes most of my life in fact, i have ocd hdhd and bipolar. I've been out of therapy for a while because my therapist moved but I've reached the top of the waiting list for a new one and should be back in weekly sessions later this month