🚩Which red flags are you willing to accept in a partner?
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Anonymous
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A partner who earns much less than you do. A partner who has no friends and no relationship with their family. A partner who hates pets. A partner who is very affectionate.. A partner who has never been in a relationship at all and who has never done anything sexual with anyone at all.
All these above are more female oriented āred flagsā. They can be red flags to some guys too but much more vice versa.
Personally I have never been a ādog loverā. That doesnāt mean I hate pets. But I do hate people who put pets above humans.
@anon1903 I believe it. But as male I find the biggest challenge early in a relationship is if she is just shit testing me vs. having low interest. If itās the latter that a neon glowing red flag. However the former is temporary and if I āpassā she usually catches strong feelings for me. But knowing the difference is a pain in the ass.
@opinion owner, I test the men I am dating and I run background checks on them I do not want to be one of those women who married a Ted Bundy or a freaken Elliot Rodger no way hosey! you men should test your girls as well make sure she's not a Amber Heard... lets be careful out here!. Life is priceless and short its better not to waste it on being in a relationship with a bad partner.
I think the problem that you have with tesing is that most omen don't do it well, they do it byasking weird questios like woud yu remmary if i went missing then they get mad f the guys anserw is something they did not want to hear... smh,. we should be testing our partners on whether they trust us or not, on if they are abusive, if whether they have any mental illness, if whether they can argue with us constructively if whether they are not afraid to confront us stuff like that!. I am no saying now people must go slap their partners as a test NOOO NEVER DO THAT! that's wrong... I am saying, test your partner by observing their behavior, listen to their words, see if they practice what they preach, watch how they handle arguing with you and others, watch how they treat others etc. just listen to them and watch them and ask them questions to get to know them better!. test them like that!.
I think the problem that you have with testing is that most women don't do it well, they do it by asking weird questions like would you remarry if i went missing then they get mad f the guy's answer is something they did not want to hear... *******
There are lots of women out there who next to no guilt wasting a manās time because sheās really not interested but still wants attention. Also the less interested she is the more she WILL test. She might even act flaky on purpose to see how he reacts.
What I am asking is how does a man figure out if itās low interest level (which he needs to avoid at all costs) vs. shit testing? Once a man passes a womanās shit tests (fair or not) she often will become much more interested in him. These are for very common situations were the woman is only āsortaā initially interested (and the man is more interested) but grows to like the guy a lot more if he has game. It happens all the time.
My usual reaction to women who overly shit test and/or act flaky is just to withdraw and ignore them by the way. When they do reach out to me Iām very careful not to ājumpā at their requests either. I make them do the work at that point i. e. itās up to them to plan a date, etc.
I actually had to do this recently to someone. It wasnāt fun because for a while I thought she really was interested until she flaked out last minute 3 times in a row. After that I gave up.
@opinion owner, if she acts flaky then leave her alone go for women who show you that they want you and want to be around you and go on dates with you. Yes the woman must have times when she's busy because surely she must have a life but she should be able to communicate that with you and not leave you hanging i already mentioned what kind of tests are appropriate in my opinion.
Thanks for the insights ladies. I am usually patient initially when trying to date. Itās easier said than done because I have a busy life too. If she last second canceles the first date Iāll usually give her one more chance. For the second date she kept texting me āIām tiredā. So I said āokay letās just rescheduleā. I didnāt want her to be in a bad mood seeing. The third time it happened I planned two days ahead. Again she canceled saying she was sick but then a few hours later changed her mind. But I felt jerked around and just didnāt respond.
She texted me again two days later asking if I would still like to meet up. I just said ātbh I was frustrated about what happened earlierā. She responded with āIām sorryā and no conversation since.
But on the manās side I am trying to figure out if she is just overthinking the first date and canceling it (form of a shit test) OR she sees me as low priority. Like I am number 2 or 3 in line. Iāve had the latter happen before and it was complete bs. But again itās very tricky on my end. I actually really liked this girl until that crap happened.
@Opinion owner, she's not into ya hun find a woman who is, putting myself in her shoes if a guy asked me on a date and I was sick its understandable, but I would never tell a man that I am too tired to go on a date that's rude, everyone's tired but we still make things happen regardless besides if she really liked you she'd be too excited to even realize that she's tired or she would reschedule it you know, so leave her find you a girl whose gonna want to hang out with you and make an effort to go on dates with you!, cause you deserve it hun!. take care.
Yeah thatās why I walked. But this bs is common crap men have to deal with. Sure someone else will (eventually) come along but remember itās us guys who have to stick our necks out.
Obviously I know you nor anyone else on GAG has a magical answer to that. But just advice to you ladies to not do this to guys. Itās not cool.
I would be very worried about a partner who has no relationship with their family and ALSO has no friends. They would therefore rely on your for EVERY relationship and cling to you. I have other friends and good familial relationships. I also like a lot of time on my own.
The "very affectionate" is also worrisome. I don't want to be pawed to snuggled with all the time I need my space. And "hates" pets? I don't have any and don't want any, but there are lovely animals who belong to others that I enjoy meeting and hanging around with temporarily. I've had pets, but I'm past that. No more. Don't hate them though. Just don't want to take care of them.
The cheating issue might be something stupid very early on in a person's life. Or a one off. If it's more than that: a pattern, it is one of the worst red flags and a dealbreaker for sure.
Red flags 🚩 Disrespectful towards anyone especially towards my parents. Arrogant and belittles other people (jobs, pay) narcissistic no word of honor/liar/history of cheating and abuse and violence Vain!!! talks ill about other people especially about his friends and family. automatic NO for me. id choose to be single than be with one āļø
Not exactly red flags, but here are the things I'd tolerate in a partner, but not prefer.
- Insanity (non violent). - Smoking (tobacco or marijuana, with the latter being worse). - Tattoos. - Has a kind (just one, though). - Is stupid (but nice). - Lazy. - Criminal record. - Debt (as long as she didn't expect me to pay off any of it). - Is too skinny and or flat-chested. - Is a jerk or asshole (as long as it's not to me and they have a sense of humor about it).
And while it's not a negative/turn-off AT ALL to me, I know many people consider depression/clinginess to be a "negative" in women, but I could definitely handle that.
- A partner who earns much less than you do. - A partner who has no friends and no relationship with their family. - A partner who is very affectionate. (This is actually a turn-on!) - A partner who has never been in a relationship at all and who has never done anything sexual with anyone at all.
I don't care if she earns less. I am not getting into it for money (tf). The second one depends on the situation.
I want pets but that is personal depending on the person. I don't want 15 dogs and 20 cats though.
I am very affectionate. So therefore I need someone who is very affectionate.
If they are a cheater yea red flag. Unless it was a long time ago and she is a Christian and would not do it to me.
The last one is just dumb. There is more to a relationship then sex and the ones who have more sex are more likely to cheat on you. Sex after marriage there is more important things.
I dont overlook any red flags. If I overlook red flags then that means I'm just settling for someone less. You better be careful about things you overlook because it might come back to haunt you as a problem years later. If you want a happy forever lasting marriage, don't go for passion, go for a man with decent character who you can trust that won't cheat on you, marry a guy who actually does housework, is good with raising children.
Plus, a man who makes less than you should not be a red flag. If you think that is a red flag, it says much more about you than him.
Out of that list the only ones I wouldn't overlook is the one where they have never been in a relationship at all and the cheating.
Not being good with animals is fine by me being overly affectionate could be nice put naturally I'll keep an eye on them especially since my trust is very lacking.
You know, not everyone is in their first relationship until later in life, you canāt expect everyone to have the same level of experience. Everyone moves at their own pace
The only real red flag is cheating. People aren't required to like pets, true partners don't care that someone makes more money than the other, it's not the 50s. A person may have cut contact with family because they were a toxic influence. Since when is affection a red flag? Everyone has a first relationship. It takes two to tango and if they've never found a number two, then they can't have a relationship.
I would consider only 2 of those to be actual red flags, that would be cheating and has no relationship with friends or family, the rest are just preferences and inexperience, the first one is does not apply to everything and can be ignored entirely unless they have no dreams or aspirations. in my opinion, and as someone who has never been in a relationship, red flags are a big no from me, I couldnāt do it, because it shows that either you didnāt care, or you have issues you must fix before you can be mentally healthy enough to commit to someone.
You've got some ridiculous notions of what red flags are, tbh. Only one of those things is an actual red flag; the rest are you trying to needlessly disqualify guys.
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1 y
No love, these are red flags I heard other people say they consider to be red flags, why must you be so mean, what's ridiculous for you is not ridiculous for others be considerate you don't live in this world alone! you never have and you never will!. If you don't agree with these red flags its okay you could have just said that lets not insult each others diverse views please.
I can deal with and be an anchor for someone dealing with past traumas if they are willing to turn to me for comfort, so a lot of the red flags that pop up there I can accept aslong as they are being worked on.
But I will not abide by a history of cheating or being an abuser.
Talking down on their family, and friends outside of their presence and to them while I'm around. Since that would just be a prelude, to me, for the behavior that they will enact on me once the "honeymoon phase" is over.
being a previous cheater or abuser
Smoking Prejudice tendacies but that ones obvious. overly inconsistent with their words and actions.
Earning less. Well I'm up there so it is unlikely they will. no issue. No friends/family. Now that is strange and a worry. Pet hating. Whats wrong with them? Affectionate. Don't get this RF. Isn't that what we want? Past cheating. Big RF. no past relationship and no sex. Are they older than 25?
A red flag means STOP! There are no acceptable red flags. You listed things that may be cause for concern, but they donāt mean that a relationship canāt work.
