Why do I feel like I’m not lovable and will not find a partner who loves me? I feel like I have to either be alone or be abused?

[Jendcheuebc]

I feel like most of the men who pursue me are narcissistic or just very douche and it makes me feel like it’s either I deal with it or I will have to be alone.

[MrOracle]

Step 1: figure out what you REALLY want in a man - and your list should not include height or muscles or tattoos or other physical things - it should contain things like personality, morals & values, life goals, etc.

Step 2: find out what men who have the characteristics you are looking for want in a woman. I said "find out" because I assure you that you don't know this information, even if you think you do. You need to set your ego aside and you need to ask MEN - especially the type of men you are looking for - what they want in a woman that they'd have a serious, committed relationship/marriage with. Do not listen to what women say - they have no idea. Get to the truth, because if you don't start with good information, you can't possibly solve this problem.

Step 3: Once you know what those men are looking for, evaluate yourself. Set your ego aside and do this HONESTLY. Are you - REALLY - the type of women these men want? And if not, can you make changes to become that kind of woman? If not, then you need to accept that you aren't going to be able to attract that kind of man, and you need to modify your standards until you can find an acceptable man who you CAN attract.

This is important: you might want to go fishing for tuna, because tuna is a valuable fish on at the fish market, but if you don't have the kind of bait that tuna want, then you'll fish all day, and perhaps catch other types of fish, but you'll go home with no tuna - and that will happen day after day after day, which is a waste of everyone's time. If you can't adjust your "bait" (yourself) to become what's attractive to the fish (men) you want, then the best you can do is figure out the next best kind of fish (man) that you CAN catch with the bait that you've got. The vast majority of people aren't going to get their ideal partner, and that almost certainly includes you (and me too - and almost everyone you know). Life isn't a fairy tale - in reality, you need to find a guy who has similar morals and values and lifegoals as you - and if he's not as handsome or not as tall or doesn't make as much money or doesn't have the style you'd like him to have or whatever - you're going to have to let that go.

Otherwise, you will end up alone.

[YHL6965]

I think it's because you are in a cycle that you consciously or subconsciously fuel. I don't know enough about you to tell you the details, but one thing is sure, that mindset of thinking you're unlovable or will always be abused can only attract loneliness and abuse. If you believe that's all you're worth, that's all you'll get. Think of it this way, the universe gives you what your energy emits.

You need to break that cycle inside of you if you want to break the cycle outside of yourself. Of course it's easier said than done, but I highly recommend therapy to assist you with that as it can be a complicated task with a lot of history behind it, a lot of things to dig up and work through. I'm fairly sure there are stories of abuse, rejection and belittling behind all of this.

[ladybananhammock]

You don't have to deal with it. You settle for it cause you think that is all you can get. I would ask yourself what it is that you are doing that is attracting these men. Is it lack of boundaries you set, is it giving too much too soon at the beginning of the relationship, there could be many factors I suggest counseling before perusing another relationship. If you can't love yourself and be good company for yourself you will never find anyone who can be good company for you. Work on yourself some so you can be better mentally and emotionally and you will have the ability to see who is better for you and can quickly spot the flags of what you want and don't want.

[Anonymous]

Get some cancelling or therapy. You need to change your self image. Think of it in the reverse, if you met a guy like this, would you find him attractive? Also it's hard for most people to find someone, especially someone that's "right" for them. Being alone isn't a BAD thing either (if that happens). You can still have a great life and be happy single. Don't rely on someone to be your life/world. Be happy with yourself and your life, and your positivity and confidence will show with the guys you start dating (which is attractive right?). If you find the right guy, he will only ADD to your already happy life, not be the sole source of it. I understand how you feel, and we all can feel like that, but beating yourself up over it only makes it worse.

[athlete_7]

Happens to me always maybe its cuz the ammount of females in ur place is morethan males i also feel insecure in my place plus most of women of my age go for elder guys making me feel inferior and even the ones that i get they aren't decent for my class u ain't alone to be feeling like that.

[Twalli]

You could try going after guys that you'd like even if they aren't pursuing you. Fact is, most guys that find a girl attractive don't pursue her. There's a lot of reasons why; fear of rejection, belief that she's taken, fear of being called creepy, general shyness, not really looking to create a relationship (still not opposed to be in one, just not seeking to start one on his own), etc.

[FunkyMonkee]

I've alone for about 20 years. Women are just too damn picky, unless it's a guy that beat the hell out of them; THEN, they can't WAIT to get into bed with him to let the beating begin!!

[chicosuave]

Because you're attracted to those types of dude. but you don't see the nice guys as a potential mate. gotta lower ur expectations

[jasco]

You have to loved yourself first before you can be loved

[jahaims]

You are probably just bad at picking/finding a good partner

[boggboss]

Low self esteem or confidence in yourself

[RuthlessAggression]

you're settling

[KrakenAttackin]

We attract what we are.