Is it bad that my girlfriend earns more than me?

[Anonymous]

Yes

No

[WonderBell99]

It depends. Why would it be bad for YOU? It’s her job, her money. It shouldn’t affect you much. It would only matter if she was not able to support herself and completely depends on you for financial security.. which isn’t the case.

Do you feel insecure? You don’t need to be. Both my grandparents (maternal) are doctors and my grandmother earned way more than my grandfather because she had a clinic, more like a small hospital back in the day and earned well. If anything, it only made their lives easier. They were able to provide a better life for their children and grandchildren.

I could argue that it would be bad for the relationship because of your insecurities.

[Asker]

Yeah I feel insecure about it and her being better than me.

[WonderBell99]

Insecurities can kill relationships, both platonic and romantic. It sounds like you’re both jealous and insecure of her. Obviously, you seem happy for her, but maybe there’s something deep down telling you that she’s better than you? It’s not true. Relationships shouldn’t be competitive. This could be unhealthy. You should turn this insecurity into pride and be proud of her for accomplishing such great things. It does not make you any less of a man if your girlfriend makes more than you. You could be a kinder person than her, maybe way better than her at something else, say, sports or cooking or anything, really.

[Asker]

I do feel she’s better than me. That’s why I feel like this way makes me feel like a bit of a embarrassment really to myself.

[WonderBell99]

Sounds like you have some self esteem issues that need to be sorted out. This could be detrimental to your relationship.

Does your girlfriend put you down or belittle you?

[Asker]

No she doesn’t

[WonderBell99]

Ok, well, that’s good.

You don’t really have to worry about anything. Forget about what everyone “might” think. If you love your girlfriend, you should support her and help her grow as a person as should you. I’m assuming your fear of inadequacy may stem from the societal “standards” that men should be the sole breadwinner or provider for the family. It isn’t the case. Listen, I’m not going to lie, there is always going to be someone who is “better” than you at something or the other. Relationships aren’t competitions. You shouldn’t compare yourself with your girlfriend. Her life is different, her career path might also be different. It’s like comparing apples with oranges.

[Asker]

Yeah I feel like from a societal point of view I should be doing more really. But I still support her and everything. Maybe I just stop thinking about competing with her as such.

[WonderBell99]

No, not really. As long as you’re able to live comfortably and are able to provide for yourself, you needn’t worry about anything. Fuck the society. People have their own shit to deal with. Trust me, they are not going to judge you. This may seem harsh, but whenever I’m self conscious about myself and my capabilities, this is what my mother tells me and it’s absolutely true.

It’s good to be ambitious, but not to the extent that it becomes an unhealthy obsession. It’s good to be driven, but not when the drive is fueled by jealousy.

That would be good. Baby steps. Don’t ponder too much over this.

[MrOracle]

With most women, it is, and that's especially true if her female friends are typical western (i. e., feminist) women. Women want guys who are BETTER than they are - men who they look up to and admire. Women almost never date down or even at their own level - they always want to date UP.

Studies have shown that within established marriages, if the woman at some point starts out-earning the man, even a man she's been happily married to for many years, there's about a 70% chance that she's going to divorce him within a year of her income exceeding his. That's because he's suddenly no longer above her - he's now below her in a critical measurement, and her hypergamy can't handle that, and so she loses respect for him, and that's the beginning of the end.

She can deal with that for short periods of time - 3 or 4 months if he loses his job and needs a bit of time to find a new one - but if it goes on for very long, it's VERY likely to be the end of the relationship.

[MTC29]

No. Actually, I'd like my SO to get a job. Her spousal support runs out in 18 months, so she had better start thinking about going back to work.

[ChrisBlue2120]

That's the best.

She can pay for her own stuff, and if she divorces you, you get half.

[Anonymous]

Significantly more? Great. If you can get her to keep doing it for another 40 years, you'll have done well. You'll need to do the housework though.

[MikeInHawaii]

With women reaching equality in the work place, that should be the case in half of marriages.

[whereismyjohnny]

Nope.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't think so.