My girlfriend makes more money than me and honestly it makes me feel pretty bad. Sometimes I can't help but feel insecure, like I'm not doing enough or not enough in her eyes. She never says anything to make me feel that way but I just keep comparing myself to her and I hate how it affects my self-esteem. I want to support her success but it's hard when I feel like I'm falling short in that area. I worry that she'll lose respect for me or think I'm not ambitious enough.
Asker: “Sometimes I can't help but feel insecure, like I'm not doing enough or not enough in her eyes. She never says anything to make me feel that way but I just keep comparing myself to her and I hate how it affects my self-esteem. I want to support her success but it's hard when I feel like I'm falling short in that area. I worry that she'll lose respect for me or think I'm not ambitious enough.”
My Advice: Yeah it can definitely make us feel like we aren’t contributing enough even when there is no pressure because you love her with all your heart & want her to be happy and well also get all that she ever wanted. Though I would advise you to think about it and feel about it from a different angle, by supporting her on her success you uplift her & make her feel wonderful and by being there for her and intimate with affection you give her the love she deserves from the love of her life that means the world more than just a paycheck. Since you have these feelings I’d open up to her and confess your true feelings, don’t keep them bundled up inside because it will only hurt more & get worse and she will respect you and want to support you with uplifting language as you’d do for her because she loves you dude she’ll understand and empathize believe me.
Best wishes man, God Bless You!
You matter and your feelings matter.
It is the collective experience of men that earning less than their partners tends to be bad for the relationship in the long run. Every time you have an argument or a difficult time in your relationship there is a chance that your girlfriend might evaluate the pros and cons of staying and leaving (even if that evaluation only happens in the back of her mind). That's normal, everyone does it. And whenever that happens your income or income potential can become a problem. And no matter how good you are in other areas, money tends to be a hard basic fact that is very difficult to be compensated with other "soft" things.
Regardless of whether or not money is important to your girlfriend, you want to be have as many good things going for you as possible. So rather than focussing on your feelings you should aim to improve your actual situation. Now I appreciate this is easier said than done but it can help that you at least try to do something about it for now. If she sees you trying than at least she won't think you lack ambition. Of course you should succeed in improving at some point lest she has to conclude that you lack ability.
Why don't you sit down and talk to her about your feelings.
If it hasn't come up, I suspect it's not on her radar. People have differing jobs. Maybe right now hers is ahead of yours and as you gain experience you might be more equivalent. But, it's not a competition.
As long as you're working and doing your best, I don't see why anyone should have a complaint. Perhaps you need to talk to a counselor about your self-esteem issues concerning money and being a "breadwinner."
As long as you are contributing as much as possible to your joint debt and saving some money, you should be proud. The only issue any woman should have is if you're a lazy slug and she's paying for everything. And there's always the choice for the man to be a homemaker. If you decide to do it that way, again, what's the issue?
And if you decide to have children, your partner will have to take time off and you'll be carrying the load for awhile. It takes planning to make a go of it. Be proud of yourselves that you're both bringing in bucks. Work out who pays for what.
It's not a weighted scale. She pays $100, but I only pay $50. If 50 aligns with your income, you're pulling your weight, and I bet she knows this. Good Luck.
Brave of you to post this with out an anonymous account. Society holds everyone to such high standards. People talk a lot about how those standards hurt women, but we don't talk about how they hurt men as much.
I think you should talk to your girlfriend about it. If my partner felt this way I'd like to know. I think you need to learn how to get your sense of worth internally. Look up Radical self acceptance. Sure your girlfriend makes more money then you, but that doesn't make you any less of a man!
As your go-to relationship guru, let me drop some wisdom here! Money, my friend, isn't the ultimate measure of success or value in a relationship. Your self-worth isn't tied to your paycheck but rather to your character, love, and support you provide. Embrace her success and transform those worries into admiration and team spirit. Remember, relationships aren't competitions; they're partnerships. Celebrate her achievements, and don't let those insecure thoughts mess with your happy vibe. She's likely with you for a million reasons that have nothing to do with numbers. 😊👫✨
Opinion
26Opinion
Do not let it bother you , she clearly loves you for who you are and not the size of your wallet , so if she hasn’t been criticizing you and belittling you , then you have a girl that actually loves and cares about you , so get over yourself , would you rather be with a girl that is only with you for your wallet? There are plenty of those type of girls’ out there , easy pickings if that’s what you want , But the girl you already have is priceless
What else can you do to bring value to the table that’s not monetary?
You have 3 choices...
1. Make more money
2. Get a new girlfriend
3. Learn to live with it
Choice #3 is probably best.
Just be a provider for her even if you make less. She will keep respect for you then
So her money is her money, and his money is their money? Wow that's getting old in 2024.
@KrakenAttackin that's how it works since women provide other things. 50/50 is not fair unless you want a gay relationship
@KrakenAttackin until men can take 50% of a period, 50% birth control side effects, 50% pregnancy, 50% birth, 50% breastfeed then I'd maybe consider it okay for women to pay up
@Apple1996 😂 Thanks for elaborating on "I am the table." Womens' greatest enemy is not men, it's their biology aka the sum of everything they don't have power over (yet).
I've read an article somewhere in which a woman expressed her desire to outsource reproduction 👌
@CuriousMoonFox I think for both men and women our biology is our power. For women it's being able to create life , for men is their ability to provide. The problem is making one gender do both those things would be extremely unfair and there is also no way of spiliting it either
@Apple1996 Props for not hating and accepting the part of you that you didn't choose.
But are you sure anyone "made" anyone else do both? If anything it was a conscious (and maybe not imprudent choice) made by women who realized that prolonged dependancy on another human being known for not being able to resist temptation is a bad idea.
Men certainly are not forcing women to earn a dime, they simply choose to do so as an insurance policy.
So yes, you can demand a premium for the inherent risk and burdens of motherhood but doing so in the name of equality is a bad look and problematic. Problematic because (among other reasons) while all mothers are women, not all women are mothers (or want to be). Justifying certain demands for all women on the basis of a certain subgroup of women (mothers) is kinda fishy.
Finally, although this is just my personal opinion, accepting your biology or anything else in life for that matter should entail accepting both the positive and the negative parts of it. As you put it, women have the ability to "create" life. It is a privilege with a cost that is considered too high by modernity but it is a privilege nonetheless.
So instead of arguing that men should pay more (which I do not oppose in any way) because of menstruation and the potential for pregnancy, child birth, etc. you could start thinking that the exclusivity of the experience is priceless. And even if you dislike the experience and wished you could dispense of it, why should motherhood or anything else in life be free?
I do not endorse a reality in which every side thinks it is entitled to premiums and rebates for what the other side has or doesn't have.
Apple, this is why so many men are done with dating and marriage.
@KrakenAttackin because they don't wanna be a man? Lol
That's right, men don't want to be men😏😏😏. Men are just tired of ungrateful, insufferable, women.
@HighValue This is women in general. Add to this the sour and unfaithful aspects of modern women, men are walking away from relationships and marriage. The result is most women are having sex with the same small percentage of men and women are wondering why this isn't working for them.
When you step back and decenter women from your life, the problems, causes, and effects, become so obvious.
@KrakenAttackin do you have any stats on this? Data? Bc it sounds to me like sexist personal opinion
@lil_will_12 Let me guess, you are a male feminist.
@KrakenAttackin i care about woman and their rights + equality. If that makes me a feminist, then yes. But is there anything wrong with that?
Also you didn't give me stats for your claims lol. So far they are personal opinion until you do so
@HighValue even after she's pregnant the woman still has to raise that child 🙄 my dad doesn't allow my mom to work even now that I'm 28 years old because she birthed and cared for me lol he realizes how valuable that is for a woman to sacrifice herself for his child to be born
@KrakenAttackin sounds like you just don't value women tbh
@lil_will_12 apparently since you value women then you're just a feminist simp to other men because they can't let their own pride and ego down to be respectful and value women like you do lol
@lil_will_12 Simping won't get you laid.
@Apple1996. I highly value real women, not the poor imitations inhabiting most female bodies these days.
@KrakenAttackin im not trying to get laid😂 i have no reason to. Unlike some people, i actually have bigger goals in life than that.
Simping is sucking up to people in the hopes that they in return, will like you/date you. Im not simping bc that is not my goal, i simply have good morals, and care about people and their rights. there's nothing i want in return
You millennial guys are the most complicated creatures on this planet. I bet 100% sure if your girlfriend was jobless you would be calling her a gold digger. If a woman doesn't make enough money you labeled her as a gold digger complain how she is only with you because of your money. If a woman makes way much more money then you MILLENNIAL men you complain about it! Apparently a woman will never satisfied you. My husband he is much older than me I make a good income and yet he never not once had he complain to me about this situations. I seriously do not understand you millennial guys I really don't !
Not 100% sure but I believe you haven't mentioned millenial guys enough 😉
Is there anything particular you have noticed about millenial ladies? And maybe GenZ ladies?
@CuriousMoonFox I don't care about anyoney own generation I hateyown generation even woman my age. Well to answer your question Generation X people are way better then millennial humans. You millennials just want everything handed over to you. Get a job and stoped depending on mommy.
Hmm... You are saying an entire generation of people are jobless and depend on mommy?
@CuriousMoonFox yes interesting how come I am the only one in class of 2011 a decade I live in a paid off home while everyone else I went to high school with are in their 30s and still living with mommy and daddy.
Would you rather your girlfriend make more money than you or would you rather your girlfriend not have a job at all? As for you I think it’s time for you to put on your big boy boxers & accept the fact that your girlfriend makes more money than you.
If you can’t accept it maybe you should do her a favor & break up with her so she can find a better boyfriend that will love her & not care about how much money she makes.
You have a job, she has a job & if you love her treasure her.
Well, it depends on the field. In some fields, a person is just going to make more.
For example, in computer programming, they make so much here. And they talk about working from home and doing fuck all a lot of the time. But those kinds of jobs wouldn't appeal to me, so I'll take the pay hit.
I think it would be more about how you feel about yourself and your own progress. The context or competition is more with yourself.
Tbh, I think there's more going on under the surface. Insecurity about not being ambitious enough?
Your worth is not determined by the money you earn. Your insecurity is not her problem. Some choices:
* Believe that you have worth independent of your earnings and be confident in the relationship. If it's not a problem for her, it should not be a problem for you.
* Tell her how you are feeling but don't make it her problem. Don't dwell on it. Ultimately it's up to you to accept yourself.
* Get some counseling to help you improve your self-image.
* Decide whether you want to look for a higher paying position or career. Do you?
Unless she is asking you to keep up with her financially like paying half of the costs for stupid shit like trips to Europe, $500 dinners, or renting a place in a bourgeois neighborhood, then it shouldn't matter. If the amount of money you make only matters in your mind and doesn't actually affect the relationship, then you need to stop worrying about it. Get your little pea brain in order and stop worrying about shit that doesn't matter. That's just your ego talking, fuck your ego.
Thank you exactly 💯 I agree this dude complain to much.
You do not say what she has for a job or if she has a degree and you do not. Even if that is the case you both knew about this beforehand so don't stress about it. Just show up for her every day and don't be a dick.
If she loves you for the things you say, do and qualities that make you the man you are, then the income difference won't matter.
There should be more couples where women earn more so tje reputation of a female would be less snd less of a golddigger!
Sucks to have your mentality about it.
When can we stop mixing love and money together? It's tiring.
Have you talked with her about this? There are plenty of women out there who won't respect men whom they view as "lesser", but there are also some who don't care. If your girlfriend doesn't mention the income disparity and treats you well, then maybe she doesn't care about it?
Sometimes we have a good thing and just can't enjoy it, because we get in the way of ourselves.
P. S. Much respect for posting this without anonymous mode!
My sister makes more than her husband. He used to work 3 jobs trying to keep up with her. It really took a toll on thier relationship as she wanted him home with her more than she wanted anything. He eventually cut back to one job. He doesn't make near as much. But they're both much happier now.
Money isn't everything man. It all depends on who you're married to.
You have some major insecurities. Why aren't you proud of her success?
Lol why are couples always so mix match lol 😆
No wonder divorces are 50 or so high percentages in many countries lol 😆
People just can't pick a good match lol - I would've had a view long before saying girlfriend lol
Tell yourself, that you contribute, and you are good enough in her opinion... if she does not complain.
Be proud of yourself that you can have a girlfriend that is making more than you. Sounds like she can get anyone she wants. Consider your self the trophy boyfriend.
Well... she is not a gold digger for sure. I would learn something to make at least as much money as she or i would bring something to the table that is not money, which she would much appreciates.
Learn a skill and get a better paying job or break up. In the end you won’t feel right till you fix it
Be thankful. I used to make more than my wife. Now, she makes more than I do. Together, we make it happen.
Break up. Find someone who makes less than you do or remain single and don't bother supporting another individual
You need to decenter women from your life. Don't worry about what your girlfriend thinks and don't allow her to disrespect you. If she starts her "boss babes" shit, you need to walk.
Sounds like this would be the case even if you made more than her. You’re feeling inadequate and using income as an excuse.
Not bad thing, but ask a pro or do some soul searching! Are you falling out of love with her?
That is weak. You need to rejoice in her success.
Why is that bad! Marriage is equal relationship whether someone makes more money or not, we all are equal.
Some more than others.
If you are using money to measure your value, you will always come up short.
Prematurely it sounds like you're choosing money over yourself
My advice, go make more money!
Women do live money, especially other people's money.
Not all women live with other people money just like your mom, if your mom sets a bad example, don’t blame all of us.
You just suggested he make more money.
Based on his question he feels uncomfortable coz his woman makes more money than him. So the solution is just get better job and earn more than her to make him feel great. Don’t be so shallow to give your opinion to feed your ego for your incompetence.
The real answer is for him to decenter women from his life.
Who are you, so you can decide what’s the real answer🥱
@itsannalee. What I am saying is he needs to live for himself and not just to impress women.
Why does she make more money than you?
Make more money.
So go make more money... wtf
Just don't think ubout it..
if she doesn't care, why do u? grow up.
I assume you were the one that asked her out
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